I am a grandmother of six beautiful children and I find it unbearable to think of the desperately lonely summer that millions of grandparents must have spent after being banned from seeing their grandchildren whose parents are divorcing.
The number of grandparents seeking legal advice on this issue has skyrocketed. Grandparents who were the backbone of a family and who had a close and affectionate relationship with their grandchildren are being brutally torn apart as a result of divorce.
When a breakup turns ugly, they may pay a collateral price and be cruelly punished.
And the unfortunate victims, I am sad to say, are also the millions of children who suddenly find themselves in an emotional tundra, deprived of the wonderful bond with their grandparents.
Lawyer Vanessa Lloyd Platt warns of a huge rise in the number of grandparents seeking legal advice after being banned from seeing their grandchildren whose parents are divorcing
My firm’s research has found that in most cases during divorce, conflict occurs between wives and their mothers-in-law, primarily as a result of attempts to punish children and soon-to-be ex-husbands.
Grandparents with deep pockets, who often pay school fees and provide unpaid childcare, do not take this lightly.
When they come to me, they are willing to spend tens of thousands to regain access.
One of my clients, whom we will call Agatha, had lost her husband Andrew. As a relatively young widow, she found solace in her close relationship with her three grandchildren: Chloe, Samantha and George. They adored her. She spent time with them most days and they enjoyed spending the night with her. She took them to museums and the theatre and loved spending time researching fun activities she could do with them.
She was the fun grandma, always attentive to their needs and always pleasing them.
So imagine the unbearable anguish it caused them when their mother declared she wanted to divorce their father and within a week refused to allow them to see their grandmother again.
To make matters worse, she took out a “prohibiting measures order” – which prevents someone from making decisions about a child’s upbringing – against her husband and mother, falsely claiming that Agatha posed a risk to the children.
Agatha refused to leave, but she paid a high price. She had to produce detailed evidence that her daughter-in-law’s claims were completely false. It cost her around £30,000 to prove that her daughter-in-law had lied to gain an advantage in the divorce.
The case dragged on for over a year, and the grandchildren became so estranged from their mother’s destructive agenda that Agatha has not seen them since.
She is distressed that the children will have suffered a double loss – their parents’ divorce and the loss of their relationship with her – and the impact that will have on them.
In another heartbreaking case, it didn’t matter that Sarah and Manny took on childcare and household chores for their two grandchildren so their daughter could work three days a week. When the divorce went through, they were forbidden from seeing the children.
They sought legal advice and began a costly and painful process. They had to ask a court for permission to see the children, followed by an application for a court order for the children’s arrangements.
Children may suffer a double loss: the divorce of their parents and the loss of their relationship with their grandparents.
Sarah and Manny provided evidence that their grandchildren made secret phone calls to tell them they missed them and to ask them to visit. Every moment, Sarah told me, was like torture for her grandchildren, and in particular for one of them with ADHD, for whom the change is particularly painful. Not seeing his grandparents was so distressing that he was doing poorly in school.
The court agreed that they could see the children every week. It cost them most of their savings, but they say the joy of receiving hugs from the boys has been worth every penny. But Sarah and Manny are the lucky ones. The UK is behind on this issue. The European Convention, to which Britain is a signatory, recognises the right of every grandchild to have grandparents in his or her life.
But right now, it costs too much money to make this a reality for many large companies.
parents caught up in the divorce proceedings of their adult children.
Have you spent a fortune to see your grandchild? Email: money@mailonsunday.co.uk
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