A psychologist has revealed how to deal with a breakup, when others try to minimise your pain.
Dr Lalitaa Suglani is a Birmingham-based chartered psychologist and content creator with nearly 160,000 followers on Instagram, where she shares videos and posts about mental health topics including anxiety and burnout.
Dr. Suglani is also the author of High-Functioning Anxiety: A 5-Step Guide To Calming The Inner Panic and Thriving.
In a recent video On Instagram, the psychologist spoke about relationship breakups and how painful they can be.
A psychologist has revealed what you should do if people downplay your pain after a relationship breakup (file image)
The video, titled Losing the Love of Your Life, was accompanied by a subtitle about how people around you might behave after you’ve gone through a breakup.
“Are you going through a breakup?” the caption asked. “Don’t let anyone fool you into thinking it’s ‘not that big of a deal’ – breakups can be incredibly painful.
‘I’ve seen many people retreat into darkness after a heartbreaking goodbye.’
She ended the text with some advice: “Be kind to yourself. Give yourself the time and space to heal.”
Speaking in the video about the impact that splitting up with a partner can have on mental health, Dr Suglani said: ‘It can feel very overwhelming when we have a breakup.
“It’s like we have to rethink our entire life without that person. And this grieving process is difficult and different for each of us.”
She then explained that the “hard truth” is that “not everyone is going to understand your pain.”
The psychologist continued: “People may tell you that you need to get over it now, or that you need to find a new hobby, but it’s not as easy as that. It’s important that we don’t lose compassion for ourselves.
In a previous post, Dr. Suglani outlined seven emotional stages we go through after any loss or breakup in an Instagram post (stock image)
‘You know how much you loved and cared in that relationship, and it’s important that you have the space to process (the feelings), to learn and understand more about how you want to show up in the future.’
Dr. Suglaani’s video followed an earlier one. mail She shared about the seven emotional stages we go through after any loss or breakup.
He said that everyone will go through the seven different stages he has described at different times.
Speaking more broadly about loss and breakups, she noted that no one… You can predict exactly how long it will take to build a life around pain.
In the caption accompanying her post, the psychologist wrote: “Every person is different. Don’t compare yourself to someone else’s journey.”
She continued: ‘Going through a breakup can be very difficult and stressful, and there’s no one way to feel about it.
‘You are often overcome with many confusing emotions at once and may wonder if what you are feeling is normal.
‘For a while, you may even feel overwhelmed by emotions, it’s normal to feel that way. It’s quite a process to ‘let go’ of a person you truly loved or the reality you believed existed.
‘Your mind has to readjust to a new way of being without this person in your life.’
Listing the seven emotional stages we go through after any loss or breakup, Dr. Suglani started with shock and denial.
The second point she listed, and one that is sure to strike a chord with anyone who has experienced a breakup, is feeling a “desperate need for answers.”
Thirdly, she mentioned feeling a sense of fear, loneliness and sadness.
Fourth came negotiation, and fifth came anger.
The sixth emotional stage listed by Dr. Suglani was peace and acceptance.
And finally, in seventh and last place, he mentioned forgiveness.
Concluding her lengthy text at the end of her post, the psychologist noted that working through these different stages is not a linear process.
She wrote: ‘You may go up and down these stages and be in several at once. Be kind to yourself during this time.
‘You’re changing. It may take time. And just because you feel ready to forgive doesn’t mean that something else won’t make you feel angry or sad again.
‘It’s about having the tools to help you regulate and manage the emotions that may arise, as you will reach a point where you will stop seeing the relationship through rose-colored glasses.’
Another important note the psychologist made in the post was that as much as you might wish it were possible, a single person “can’t make a relationship work if she’s the only one who wants it to work.”
“Healthy relationships require effort from both partners, and no one can blame themselves for not being able to maintain a relationship on their own,” she concluded.
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