A mother-of-two has told how postpartum psychosis made her think she was in a real-life version of Squid Game.
Gemma Porter, 35, from Manchester, struggled with depression while pregnant with her baby, now nine months old, despite having no history of mental illness.
After four ‘stressful’ months caring for her baby and her four-year-old brother, Gemma began experiencing delusions.
She began believing that she was Jesus, with the power to heal the pain of strangers.
Later, her beliefs changed to thinking that she was a victim of human trafficking and that she was participating in a version of the Korean horror series, ‘Squid Game’.
Gemma Porter had no history of mental health problems until she became pregnant with her son at the age of 34.
Ms. Porter experienced a series of delusions, including that she was Jesus and that her life was an episode of the Korean thriller series Squid Game.
The show revolves around hundreds of cash-strapped gamblers who take part in a deadly survival game with a massive prize of 45.6 billion won at stake.
She was admitted to the hospital when her baby was four months old and was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis.
He is now in recovery, no longer has delusional thoughts and is “destroying life.”
He is taking antipsychotic medication, attends several support groups, and doctors say he will make a full recovery within a year.
Gemma, a corporate lawyer, said: ‘Postpartum psychosis is not as rare as we think, and I want other mums going through this to know they are not alone.
‘I was manic, I felt like I had superpowers, but I was very depressed.
‘My body was restless and I felt elated, happy, scared and sad at the same time.
‘I also thought, when I was admitted, that they would take my baby and sell it to a rich family in China.’
Now, nine months later, she feels normal again, working and caring for her two children.
Gemma says her pregnancy was difficult and she was eventually prescribed sertraline to deal with her depression.
When her baby was born on November 23, 2023, she was very colicky and had a lingual frenulum, a piece of skin that attached her tongue to her lower lip.
Even after it had been surgically removed, he had trouble sleeping, only falling asleep when Gemma drove him around the Manchester moors.
“He wasn’t an easy baby,” Gemma added. “When he was born, he was nervous, had colic and was tongue-tied.
“He would only calm down if I took him for a walk.”
At Christmas 2023, Gemma and her partner of 10 years split up.
She says she took it “very hard” and threw herself into planning her son’s baptism to cope.
“I had a weekend in March where I told my family they couldn’t contact me,” she said.
‘I was busy planning the baptism.
“It was stressful and I didn’t sleep particularly well.”
The day before the christening, on March 16, 2024, Gemma began experiencing her first delirium while driving.
She said: ‘I remember seeing the sun in the clouds.
Squid Game is a Korean thriller in which contestants fight for their lives in a deadly competition.
The series is called Squid Game because the shape of the playing field drawn on the ground resembles that of a squid.
‘It was really magnified and very bright.
‘I looked at him and felt like I was put on this earth to help people.
‘I had a heightened sense of emotional intelligence and intuition.’
Gemma even told her sister, 27, that she felt like “Jesus resurrected.”
Her delusions became more intense over the next four days and she also felt “irrationally” afraid of her parents.
On March 20, 2024, Gemma’s sister made an emergency appointment with her GP, because she kept reiterating how “elated and sad” she felt.
“I told him I felt like I had superpowers,” she added. “He told my sister to take me straight to the emergency room.”
Gemma was admitted under section two of the Mental Health Act, which allows a person to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital for up to 28 days.
She waited in a private “mental health ward” until 1am on March 21, when staff from the mother and baby unit at Wythenshawe came to collect her.
“I felt like a criminal,” Gemma said.
‘They left me in my room and from that moment on I was convinced that I was being trafficked.
‘I thought the hospital was fake’
Gemma’s delusions continued intensely for three days. She did not leave her room and only spoke to doctors over a makeshift barricade, using a cupboard against the door.
She would even “buy people’s wedding rings” with chocolates, just in case “she needed it when the traffickers came looking for her.”
Meanwhile, relatives looked after the baby and, little by little, Gemma began to accept help.
She said: ‘On the third day, I finally started taking the antipsychotic medication they were giving me.
‘I was too scared to even use the bathroom.
“But on day 14, I finally took my first shower in the unit.”
Gemma appealed her section, saying she would stay voluntarily.
He was granted it at the beginning of the third week and remained voluntarily for three more weeks.
From May onwards, Gemma recovered at home and, once the psychosis had passed, she fell into a depression.
“My family’s support helped me get through it,” she said. “I had someone with me the whole time.”
“I ate well, slept well and went for walks.” Now Gemma can drive again, work and look after her two children. She even feels like a more confident version of herself.
