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Whether it’s using inappropriate language, telling horrible jokes, or sharing too much personal information, the workplace can be a minefield to navigate.
Increasingly, in multigenerational offices, what one person calls “a bit of fun” or “joking” may be another person’s behavior that crosses lines, worthy of an HR complaint.
But even those who wouldn’t recognize the humor if you were dressed up as Basil Brush can distract you if you stay awkwardly at your desk or try to get you to join their office book club.
Here, with advice from psychotherapist and business coach Kamalyn Kaur, we highlight the most annoying office behaviors with this pest-spotting guide.
See how many of your colleagues you recognize (or if you could be one yourself…)
Psychotherapist and business coach Kamalyn Kaur identifies the most annoying behaviors in the office
Sexist speakers
‘Good morning girls, how are you today?’ the boss says to his team of employees. ‘Can you leave that report on my desk, darling?’ says another. ‘Which one of you lovely ladies can help me with this project?’
Very often, people who can’t remember (or can’t be bothered to learn) a colleague’s name will resort to using words like “honey,” “honey,” and “my love.” That might have been something Don Draper got away with on Mad Men, but times have changed. Even if you don’t intend to offend, you will undoubtedly be provoking her. The same applies to female bosses who refer to their male employees as “guys” or “lads.”
Kamalyn says: ‘While it’s not malicious, it is condescending and unprofessional. No 50-year-old woman wants to be called “girl,” and in today’s workplace, there will be workers who don’t use traditional gender pronouns. Always use someone’s name or professional role.
“The marketing team” is acceptable, “the marketing girls” are not.”
The one who shares too much
No Judy, people don’t want to see the rash on your thigh that developed over the weekend. And Ian, while it’s very sad that your wife wants a divorce, the people at the weekly sales meeting don’t want a detailed report.
And yes, Helen, you may be having the best sex of your life, but Pam from the payroll doesn’t need to know about it while she’s making the round of tea.
Some people feel compelled to share every last detail of their private life. If that’s you, forget about staying on the right side of the line; You’re so over it that the line is in another time zone.
Kamalyn says: ‘Oversharing makes others uncomfortable. You have forced them into something they may not know how to respond to and you have thrown something at them that they may not have the capacity to cope with. It is not professional; Save that stuff for your friends.
The annoyance of the nickname
There are those who cannot resist giving out nicknames to their colleagues.
Suddenly, Sarah becomes ‘Sazza’ and Martin is ‘Mazza’, while poor Charlotte has to deal with being shouted ‘Charlie-Chops’ across the sales floor. Okay for the pub darts team, definitely not okay for the office.
It’s also all too familiar to shorten someone’s name and assume that Melanie is fine with ‘Mel’ and Sebastian likes ‘Seb’.
Kamalyn says: ‘If anyone wants to shorten their name, they’ll let you know. Alexander might say “everyone calls me Alex”; If you don’t, don’t assume it’s okay. You could use a name that he likes to reserve just for family.
Imposing nicknames on people at work is condescending and disrespectful and can cause great humiliation when used in public.’
The Stationery Tramp
The laws of human nature seem to dictate that the person who always steals your stapler, pen, and scissors is also the person least likely to return them to you. It may not seem like a big deal, but your peers will consider you a nuisance. If they’ve started labeling their office equipment and putting it in a drawer at the end of the day, then take the hint.
The stationery pest will argue that the items they are borrowing belong to the company; is true, in which case get your own!
Kamalyn says: ‘You are disturbing others and, from a therapeutic perspective, you are indicating a lack of respect for personal boundaries. If you have to borrow something, return it as soon as possible and don’t make others feel uncomfortable by having to ask for it back.’
Sensitive types
Do you like getting a big bear hug when someone comes back from vacation or sick leave? Do you greet your coworkers with real kisses or air kisses? Can’t resist touching some people’s hair, caressing pregnant bellies, or even playfully stroking a bald worker’s head?
Well, stop that right now. No matter if you consider yourself a warm and tactile person, chances are others will find you inappropriate and creepy.
Kamalyn says: ‘In the workplace, the best advice is to remember the “three feet rule.” People generally start to feel uncomfortable when that space is reduced, which is why we all feel so uncomfortable in elevators. It is inappropriate to touch someone without their consent.
Desk stays
They stop by to ask you a question about work… and never leave. They may be trying to get office gossip, sneak a peek at what’s on the screen, or just be bored and looking to kill time.
They will often randomly pick up your framed photos and look at them or start nosily flipping through a file. No matter how many times you avoid eye contact and keep writing, they just don’t get the message.
Kamalyn says, “When you’re busy, it’s very frustrating to have to deal with someone staying at your desk as it disrupts your focus and concentration.”
‘Criminals should pay attention to visual cues: does the person you’re chatting with give short answers and stare at their screen? If so, do not impose. Ask the question, get the answer and leave.
Pranksters and pranksters
There probably isn’t a woman alive who hasn’t received an obscene double entender when “Can I have one of these brownies?” is met with an ‘Oh, you can give me one, okay?’
Just because your family and friends tell you that you’re a natural comedian doesn’t mean the people you share an office with will agree. If you think you’re funny, then stand up, but don’t try your material (no matter how harmless you think the joke is) on your colleagues.
Kamalyn says: ‘Jokes should be reserved for social settings. In the office there will be people who do not share or understand your humor. You will be creating an atmosphere and distracting people from their work. Keep your language neutral and inclusive.’
Talkers and time hijackers
We have all worked with people who love the sound of their own voices. Why explain something in one sentence when you can talk for ten minutes? The conversationalist often begins meetings by saying he wants everyone’s opinion, but by the time he finishes his indulgent monologue, there is no time to listen to anyone else.
Meetings give them a captive audience, which is why they bring so many of them together.
You may convince yourself that everyone is clinging to your every job, but in reality, they’re planning their Christmas shopping lists and looking at each other.
Kamalyn says: ‘Talking too much wastes time and frustrates others. It’s self-centered and while you’re busy blowing your own trumpet, everyone else will tune out and lose focus. Instead, be precise, stick to the topic, and prepare notes in advance. Also, is the meeting really necessary? Would a memo be enough?
Socialize those who exert peer pressure
Monday Night Book Club! Wednesday Night Choir! Friday night drinks! And don’t forget Sally’s departure! Sometimes it seems like you have to put as much effort into socializing in the office as you do in paid work. With Christmas just around the corner, many workers will feel pressured to attend parties and risk being embarrassed by office pests and busy bodies if they don’t.
If you’re the one pushing, then stop. Believe it or not, some people live outside of work.
Kamalyn says: ‘There can be many reasons why people don’t want to socialize outside of work, such as family commitments, budget constraints or social anxiety. Many people like to keep their personal and work lives completely separate. Invite people, but don’t pressure them and don’t question anyone who doesn’t attend.’
attention seekers
They might randomly shout ‘Oh my God!’ while looking at something on his phone. Or maybe they’ll burst into hysterical laughter, only to respond “Oh, nothing” when you ask them what’s so funny.
Then there’s the person who makes endless, loud personal calls, forcing you to listen while they talk to their real estate agent about buying a house or to their partner about booking a vacation.
These blowhards also love to throw a grenade into a conversation by saying something that is deliberately provocative or offensive while claiming it was done to “encourage dialogue.” The truth is that all of this behavior is intended to get attention.
Kamalyn says, “Don’t force people to listen to your personal conversations, especially if you’re using language that might bother other people.” “There is a time and a place to show great personality, and the office is rarely that place.”