Gone are the days when a romantic relationship involved a couple of two.
Now you have the option to choose between a partner, a non-monogamous arrangement, or the latest trend in modern dating… a polycule.
According to accounts from sex therapists, a polycule describes a situation in which couples welcome other lovers into their relationship.
For example, all four people could be in romantic relationships with each other, or perhaps one of them shares intimacy with two members of the quartet.
An example is the house where Craig Williamson, 33, lives in Newcastle-Under-Lyme.
‘Policule’ is a combination of ‘polyamorous’ and ‘molecule’ (because the parts of the policule come together like atoms in a molecule).
Craig said The times He lives with his partner Jen and her boyfriend Andre, both in their twenties.
While both Andre and Craig are in a relationship with Jen, they are not one with each other.
The trend also involves peculiar terms that describe the different roles within the polyculus.
For example, a “hinge” refers to the group member who has romantic relationships with more than one individual.
A ‘metamour’, on the other hand, is a person whose partner is in a relationship with another person. There is also the “nesting pair”, which refers to a “main” pair that you could choose to live with.
“I can’t help but fall in love with someone else,” Jen told The Times. “I describe polyamory as having an infinite amount of love to give.”
Having more than one lover, known as polyamory, is an increasingly popular trend among Brits.
Studies show that choosing to have more than one romantic partner is increasingly common in both the United Kingdom and the United States.
According to a 2023 UK study, one-third of heterosexual men and one-tenth of heterosexual women said they would be open to a non-monogamous relationship.
This compares to data from 2015, which found that only two per cent of Brits were interested in the idea.
In the USA, studies show that around one in five respondents have had some experience with non-monogamy.
Craig, Jen and Andre described their situation as “kitchen table poly,” meaning they share a household arrangement and everything is on display.
This is different from ‘polyparallel’, in which some members of the polysphere are aware of (and accept) their partners’ romances, but choose not to be an active part of them.
Meanwhile, “garden poly” means that several partners might not live together but could socialize together as friends.
In terms of bedroom arrangements, Jen splits her time between Andre and Craig’s rooms.
Anna lives in a ‘police’ and revealed that when Spencer (left) comes over, Jake tends to give them some space and goes ‘sleep on the couch’.
She’ll sleep in bed with Andrew, “if Jen wants to sleep or if Andre’s been through a bad time and needs Jen’s comfort more than I do,” Craig said.
He adds that jealousy is never a problem, as it makes him happy to see Jen happy.
However, the balance between the three is not entirely equal, legally speaking, as Craig and Jen own the house they live in, while Andrew is a tenant.
The appeal, Craig explained, is that involving others in the relationship keeps the excitement of new connections alive.
The electricity of falling in love with someone new is something Craig “enjoys.”
But do these benefits really contribute to a happy, long-lasting relationship?
A small number of studies have explored the effects of unconventional relationships such as polyamory.
A 2018 study found that those in open relationships who had more than one sexual or romantic partner felt as sexually satisfied as those in monogamous relationships.
However, committed couples who engaged in sexual activities with other people felt greater sexual satisfaction than monogamous people.
Anna said that everyone in her ‘poly’ is extremely good friends, even though she is the only one who is in a relationship with all the members.
But other studies have shown a less promising picture. A 2020 study found that only 42 percent of participants believed their non-monogamous relationships met all of their needs.
According to research, this figure compares to around 80 percent in monogamous couples.
According to Keely Kolmes, an American psychologist specializing in consensual non-monogamy, honesty is key to a successful marriage.
“Be sure to be frank with each other about how often you’d like to see each other, how often you’d like to hang out in a group or one-on-one, and what parts of your relationship should be purely sexual versus classically romantic.” “, said Cosmopolitan.
Another polycule who believes the setting is key to their happiness is Anna, Jake, Spencer and Ellie, who live in Chicago.
Anna, 26, is married to Jake, 25, but still has time for her boyfriend Spencer, 28, as well as his girlfriend Ellie, 26.
Married to Anna, 26, who lives in Chicago, Illinois, USA, she married her husband Jake, 25, before meeting her boyfriend Spencer four years later.
She said her husband gets “pretty claustrophobic” and likes to give Spencer and Anna space when we get a chance to see each other.
Anna sees herself as having three individual relationships and her partners have no physical or romantic relationships with each other.
Speaking about her relationship with her husband, to whom she was married for four years before meeting Spencer, she said: “We are still very much in love.”
However, he added: “I have a lot of love to spare for other people too.”
‘Although not everyone has an easy relationship with each other, we are all extremely good friends and have a contentious “kitchen table” style relationship where we all get along and vibe with each other.
“I live with Jake full time, but Ellie and Spencer live in different states and they all have full-time jobs, so it’s always pretty difficult to schedule separate time for each individual.
“I would love for us all to be able to live together at some point, but that’s not really a viable option right now as everyone is on their own path in life.”
