Brett Ratten has been through turbulent times as a football coach in the AFL, but nothing compares to the family tragedy he has had to endure.
Now he has revealed the agony of learning his daughter suffers from epilepsy on the same day he should have celebrated his return to the AFL coaching ranks.
The daughter of former Carlton player and coach Tilly was diagnosed with right frontal lobe epilepsy on the same day he became senior coach of St Kilda in 2019.
Tilly experienced up to 30 seizures a day and faced difficulties with her upbringing, often waking up confused after nighttime episodes that resembled sleepwalking.
Ratten and his wife Joanne were terrified he would hurt himself or worse if he experienced a seizure in the schoolyard.
“His seizures are a little different,” Ratten told the among us podcast with Sarah Olle and Nat Edwards.
‘We didn’t know if it was absent epilepsy or focal epilepsy. His head would tilt to the side, and then you would see the whites of his eyes and he would stop, freeze, and pause for 20 or 30 seconds.
‘He was taking up to 30 a day, but when the medication arrived, it started to affect his balance, so he started to fall.
‘That was the worrying moment. We thought, is this going to be in the schoolyard? He could be on the swings or something and just fall.’
Brett and Joanne Ratten have been through many professional and personal challenges together as husband and wife.
The Rattens’ daughter Tilly (pictured with her brother Will) had her early learning disrupted by epilepsy which caused her to have up to 30 seizures a day.
Tilly, second from left, celebrates her birthday with her siblings after medication brought her seizures under control.
It was a major disruption to Tilly’s early learning, as the Ratten family were forced to take her home at lunchtime every day because she was so fatigued.
Fortunately for the Ratten family, medical intervention has helped and the seizures are now under control.
“It can take a long time for some families to try to get it right,” Ratten said.
‘We were very lucky, about three months passed and the seizures started to stop.
But knock on wood: he’s doing very well. We’ve learned how to handle it and everything and she gets constant evaluations, which is great.
‘He’s 12 now and, as you know, as you grow over those years, the brain changes and all that stuff.
“So we’re just trying to make sure we have everything in place.”
Ratten’s candid admission about Tilly comes after the heartbreaking death of her 16-year-old son Cooper in a car accident in 2016.
Ratten (pictured) discovered his daughter had epilepsy on the same day he was appointed St Kilda head coach.
The teenager died after the vehicle he was in was hit by a drunk driver, who was found guilty and jailed for five years.
Since then, the Ratten family has avoided the public spotlight and social media to close ranks and take care of each other.
“We’ll never get to see where Cooper’s life would have taken him,” Joanne Ratten, Cooper’s stepmother, said at the time.
“Our pain is beyond measure.”
When Ratten was appointed St Kilda coach in 2019, Joanne said: “Probably after Cooper’s accident we hit the brakes and just focused on the family.”
Now Ratten has spoken about the pain of Tilly’s diagnosis shortly after her son’s death and how she wishes she could ease her pain.
‘Your heart breaks when you think, could you give it to me? And then I can deal with it. But you can’t,’ he said.
“The good thing is that we found out what it was, so then you can start the process of trying to deal with it.”
It took Ratten much longer to accept his son’s death.
The Ratten family took some time away from the public eye to deal with their grief and grow stronger as a unit.
He admitted to having hallucinations while driving and seeing the car that killed Cooper instead of other drivers.
His pain would be deeply rooted by his successes in football, only to be instantly triggered by songs, birthdays and occasions like Father’s Day.
“I went back to work after a week or two and then we (the Melbourne Demons) were playing in the final and before you knew it we were in the grand final. “It was like a whirlwind.
‘I think it was the moments afterwards (when Ratten had problems).
‘This is what happens around grief. Usually at first the support is very tight and there are a lot of people there.
‘As time goes on, there’s that domino effect and that support gets a little further away… that’s when it really starts to take effect.
‘You have that time for yourself, birthdays, all those things that come into play and create memories.
—I think that car Coop was in, I think I saw it many times. All I could see was that car on the road.
‘Something subconscious was looking for him, I don’t know.
‘A song, a birthday, even Father’s Day. There are things you don’t even think about but as the year goes by the dates and memories come back.
“It took us a little while to try to come to terms with it.”
Many football fans felt that Ratten was prematurely sacked by Carlton during his first head coaching job in the AFL.
It wasn’t until five years later that Ratten said he was finally able to rationalize and process what had happened.
“On the night of the 21st, we had a fantastic night and celebrated his life more and thought about it that way,” he said.
“It took us almost five years to achieve it.”
“There’s no golden rule for this, but having someone to talk to can help.”
When it comes to football, Ratten has been one of the most unlucky coaches in modern history, sacked by Carlton and St Kilda before his contract was up before having to make way for the return of Alastair Clarkson at North Melbourne.
Years of football and family pressure have taken their toll and Ratten revealed he would not put his hand up to be an AFL head coach again.
“That’s why I will never consider something like that again,” he said.
Ratten later revealed that Carlton’s dismissal had affected his confidence in his own abilities.
‘For me personally, when I first got fired I felt like it was coming a little bit. There was a bit of momentum, I knew I was struggling a bit towards the end of my career.
“But I lost a lot of confidence because of it.”
He regained his mojo working as an assistant coach at Hawthorn, but admitted the St Kilda sacking had taken him by surprise.
“I really didn’t see it coming,” Ratten said.
“I wondered why some things were happening that made me think, but I thought ‘that (getting fired) couldn’t happen.’
So he did it.
‘Would I do it again? Maybe I’d do it a little differently. But I won’t have that opportunity to do it and that’s okay.
“I’ve had my time and now it’s someone else’s thing.”