It’s the controversial TikTok trend that sees young women adopting a traditional persona that dates back to the 1950s.
But a woman once at the heart of the “traditional wife” trend – in which young women showcase their conservative domestic lives – has exposed its toxic underpinnings.
Brianna Bell, a 35-year-old mother of three, says being a “traditional wife” led to a severe mental breakdown that led her to make calls to a suicide prevention hotline and develop extreme agoraphobia.
In 2016, when she was pregnant with her third child, the stay-at-home mom said she was plagued by feelings that she “couldn’t move on” as a result of her “conservative evangelical” lifestyle.
Brianna Bell, 35, was initially happy to be a stay-at-home mom raising two healthy girls.
The now mother of three from Ontario, Canada, believed that being a devoted wife to her husband Daniel, 35, and devoting her life to homemaking was her calling.
So-called “traditional wives” (trad, short for traditional) get millions of views on videos that offer an insight into their everyday lives.
Most of the clips show them dressed in glamorous dresses, cooking complicated meals requested by their husbands while swinging their babies on their hips.
For almost a decade, the mother of three children From Ontario Canada, She dedicated her life to being a homemaker and a devoted wife to her husband Daniel, 35 years.
She often shared her views on her blog, This Rookie Wife, including an article on “why she doesn’t believe in birth control.”
Ms Bell, who followed Christian fundamentalism between 2011 and 2016, read books such as The Lifegiving Home by mother-daughter duo Sally and Sarah Clarkson, two “godly” women she followed and admired for their devotion to homemaking.
She believed she had to be a stay-at-home mother, that birth control was a sin, that her husband was the head of the household, and that she was a submissive and docile wife.
She told MailOnline: ‘In the conservative evangelical tradition, I was part of the majority belief… The man is the head of the household and the husband and wife have “complementary” but different roles; this usually means that the woman stays at home and takes care of the household and children.
But in 2016, when she was pregnant with her third child, she felt a constant and overwhelming “dissatisfaction” with her life and noticed a downward spiral in her mental health.
“I didn’t understand the severity of my mental health issues,” she said. “And I didn’t have the resources or the support network around me.”
“There were times when I tried to reach out to people at church and felt left out or ignored.”
Traditional wives are usually stay-at-home mothers: they cook, clean, keep their house nice and focus on raising their children.
But looking back on her former life, Ms Bell now sees the movement as “toxic” and is relieved to have left those values behind before “indoctrinating” her children.
It all came to a head one night. She found herself inundated with overwhelming thoughts, a racing heart and feelings of panic.
“I locked myself in my room and ripped the closet doors off their hinges. I collapsed, sobbing, and called a suicide hotline. I thought I couldn’t go on,” she recalls.
She eventually sought help from a doctor and was diagnosed with PTSD, depression, panic disorder and agoraphobia.
She blames her buried childhood trauma, sexual abuse as a teenager and having followed an extreme form of Christian evangelism since she was 19.
Ms Bell said her trauma led her to the perception of safety in a life with rules, where men led and women were protected.
But she now acknowledges that playing the role of a sexually submissive wife was damaging.
The main message behind the traditional wives movement is that women should be submissive to their husbands, work is not for women and the most fulfilling role a woman can have is within her home, Ms Bell explained. Today’s father.
Women like @gwenthemilkmaid (pictured) and @esteecwilliams, who proudly describe themselves as traditional wives, have millions of likes on TikTok.
Traditional wives on TikTok share cooking videos, gardening videos, and guides on how to dress femininely and how to be a good housewife.
Nara Smith, who has over 9 million followers on TikTok, shares videos of herself cooking while wearing glamorous dresses and flawless makeup. All narrated in a soft, calm voice, her videos show her making jelly beans, chicken nuggets, lavender soap, and even Coca Cola.
The subculture gained popularity on TikTok in 2020 during the pandemic.
Women like @gwenthemilkmaid and @esteecwilliams, who proudly describe themselves as traditional wives, have millions of likes on their TikTok videos showcasing their conservative lives.
Nara Smith, who has over 9 million followers on TikTok, shares videos of herself cooking while sporting glamorous dresses and flawless makeup.
All narrated in a soft, calm voice, her videos show her making jelly beans, lavender soap, and even Coca Cola from scratch.
But Ms Bell warns that this trend, while “brilliant”, is “a step backwards for women’s rights”.
She said: ‘The wife cannot choose anything else for herself and has no autonomy over her own life.
‘While content about traditional wives shows attractive, happy, curated content, it doesn’t show the darker side of what it means to be in a traditional marriage.’
Her children were too young to remember her old traditional wife values and her husband, who admits he never really believed in the ultra-conservative movement in the first place, is now a stay-at-home dad for most of the year.
Mrs. Bell had previously convinced herself that writing was just a hobby or something she did part-time while her children slept in.
She is currently an investigative journalist covering evangelicalism and secret, underground religious sects.
She said: ‘Journalism put me on the path to empowerment when I started my career many years ago.
‘I started as a local journalist and over the last decade I have become an internationally published freelance journalist.
‘The people I meet and the stories I hear have broadened my perspective, increased my empathy, and deepened my understanding of the world around me.’
Her children were too young to remember her old values as a traditional wife and her husband, who she admits never really believed in the ultra-conservative movement in the first place, is now a stay-at-home dad most of the year.
