Dear Vanessa,
My only daughter is in her twenties and is engaged to a man who doesn’t work and seems to live off of her. He asks questions about the value of our family home and gives the impression that he is looking for handouts or shortcuts in life.
We have worked hard to build up our savings and pay off our house, and we plan to leave everything to her as our only child. But now we’re worried about how to protect her (and our assets) if this marriage doesn’t work out. She doesn’t hear a word against him and accuses us of being negative. What can we do?
Shirley.
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Dear Shirley,
He is understandably concerned, not only for his daughter’s well-being but also for the future of his family’s hard-earned legacy. You are navigating a delicate balance between protecting her and maintaining a supportive relationship.
To safeguard your assets, consider placing a trust in your will. This ensures that the house and savings you leave your daughter will remain protected. A trust can allow you to benefit from the inheritance while keeping those assets legally separate from your marriage. Framing this as part of regular estate planning rather than a reaction to your fiancé can help you see it in a positive light.
Vanessa Stoykov, noted monetary educator (above)
When supporting your daughter, focus on encouraging open communication without directly criticizing your partner. Questions like these can gently prompt you to reflect on your future:
• ‘What kind of work do you want to do?’
• ‘How do you plan to manage your financial goals as a team?’
• ‘What is your plan if unexpected expenses arise?’
These types of questions show care and concern while encouraging her to think critically.
It may also be helpful to encourage your daughter to seek financial advice. This is not about questioning her choices, but rather empowering her to make informed decisions as she enters this new phase. If she is up for it, you can recommend her. my free service to connect with a financial advisor.
Finally, focus on preserving your relationship with your daughter. If things don’t go the way she expects, she will need your love and support. If you are patient and understanding, you will keep the door open for her to come to you if necessary.
He is taking all the right steps to protect her and her assets. By implementing practical measures and fostering a supportive relationship, you are laying the foundation for her to thrive, no matter what the future holds.
Do you have any questions about family, money, or important life decisions? Send it! The best question of the week will win a copy of my book The Breakfast Club for 40-Somethings. We will send it to you directly.
Send your questions to Vanessa Stoykov at thrivingafter50@dailymail.com.au