Finding photos of your partner holding an ex or on a romantic getaway on social media is a very easy problem in the modern dating world.
But experts say it could be fueling a problem called “Rebecca Syndrome”, and experts say they have seen an increase in inquiries about this little-known condition.
Also called “retroactive jealousy” Rebecca syndrome, it refers to normal feelings of jealousy but about things that happened in the past, specifically your partner’s previous sexual and romantic relationships.
Victims may compare themselves to their partner’s ex and believe that this ex-lover is more attractive, smarter, or even better in bed.
Although you may have never heard of ‘Rebecca Syndrome’, you may know the gothic novel that bears her name.
Daphne du Maurier’s 1938 novel ‘Rebecca’ follows a young woman who marries a rich man. But after moving into his house, he finds himself unable to cope, as the home and local community are still dedicated to his late first wife, Rebecca (pictured from the Netflix adaptation of Rebecca).
Victims may browse social media, look at photos and compare themselves to their partner’s ex and believe that this ex-lover is prettier, smarter or even better in bed.
Written by Daphne du Maurier in 1938, ‘Rebecca’ follows a young woman who marries a rich man.
But after moving into his house, he finds himself unable to cope, as the family and local community are still devoted to his late first wife, Rebecca.
Dr. Darian Leader, psychoanalyst and founding member of the London Center for Freudian Analysis and Research, was inspired by the novel and coined the term Rebecca Syndrome to refer to retroactive jealousy.
But this syndrome is not just a work of fiction, and many people admit to being plagued by these illogical emotions.
Psychotherapist Toby Inghamwho has written about the condition, admits that more and more people are asking about Rebecca syndrome since 2018.
Ingham believes the increase in queries is due to people Googling and self-diagnosing their “obsessive problem,” which he says is “not a good idea.”
While we can all feel jealous, some people become obsessive and even just thinking about their partner’s ex can make them go crazy (image from the Netflix adaptation of Rebecca)
Psychotherapist Toby Ingham, who has written about the condition, admits that more and more people are asking about Rebecca syndrome since 2018 (image from the Netflix adaptation of Rebecca)
However, he explained that, rather than being caused directly by relationships, retroactive jealousy often has its roots in childhood.
“While these early problems will be unique to each of us, they may be related to, for example, feeling ignored by a parent who preferred one of our siblings to us,” he told MailOnline.
‘Or perhaps to problems with feeling unimportant or excluded in our biological family.
“The problem is that we tend to lose sight of those early experiences and instead project the problems onto our current relationship.”
This can leave “vulnerable” people feeling like they are being “cast out” or “excluded” again, when it is often the case that they are not.
“We’re too caught up in our projections to know the difference,” he explained.
a systematic one review In 2017, 230 studies on romantic jealousy found that it often stemmed from low self-esteem and past experiences of infidelity.
Studies suggest that jealousy in a relationship is relatively common.
Research in 2017 study A study of married couples receiving relationship counseling found that 79 percent of men and 66 percent of women confessed to being jealous.
While it is not a problem in itself, it can potentially lead to relationship problems.
But there’s good news if you suspect you might be suffering from Rebecca syndrome: Ingham says there are a few ways to address it.
“Ask yourself whether your anxiety, your intrusive thoughts about feeling less important to your partner than your ex-partner, may actually be related to your own past rather than having anything to do with your current relationship,” Mr. Ingham said.
It also emphasizes the importance of refraining from scrolling through your partner’s old social networks, as this can unleash Pandora’s Box.
While it may be tempting to remember old photos, including those with your ex, this will only exacerbate feelings of jealousy and make it easier to fall into negative thought patterns, he warned.
Another interview from 2018 based on study It has been found that social media can encourage retroactive jealousy, as you can more easily check details of your ex’s past relationships.
For the same reason, Mr Ingham also urges people not to ask too many details about their partner’s past that they may regret knowing the answers to.
“Don’t ask about your partner’s past, especially their sexual history; sharing too much at the beginning of a new relationship often backfires,” she said.