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Christmas is supposed to be “the most wonderful time of the year.”
Spending time with friends and family and sharing the excitement of children when they run to see if Santa has been.
But it’s not wonderful for everyone.
There are financial pressures, the pressure to be “perfect,” and uncomfortable questions from family members.
Heart on my sleeve Founder Mitch Wallis, 34, has shared his top tips for staying sane over the festive season and the one thing you should avoid saying on Christmas Day.
“People don’t want to go away from Christmas believing they are less than what others expected them to be,” Wallis told Daily Mail Australia.
He said people should avoid the phrase “It’s Christmas; you should be x, y, z” and added that people “don’t need to be anything” and should be free of expectations.
The mental health expert has also offered some ways to survive the holiday season.
Mental health expert Mitch Wallis, 34, has shared his top tips for prioritizing your mental health this festive period – and the one thing you should avoid saying on Christmas Day.
“For me, Christmas is New Year’s Eve, but with an audience in the stands,” he said.
“Given the moment, we’re forced to reflect on the year and where we are in our lives and talk about it with people who are likely to judge us.”
Wallis said Hollywood has sold us a false image of what Christmas should be.
“Actually, for many people it is usually a sight that we fear, because it reminds us of the parts of ourselves that we are trying to forget,” he explained.
Financial pressures
Wallis said Australians have been under intense financial pressure this year.
The mental health expert has asked his family if December 25 can be a ‘presence’ rather than a Christmas ‘gift’ amid the current cost of living crisis.
He urged Australians to express their gift expectations ahead of the big day and said most people would probably be “relieved” by the news.
Wallis said setting boundaries is a great way to ease family tensions over Christmas and has urged Australians to “be clear, flexible and compromise” (file image)
But what about the children who expect to wake up on Christmas morning and discover that Santa has delivered a mountain of gifts under the tree?
Wallis said it was more about creating lasting memories than counting gifts as she recalled a memorable Christmas Day.
‘I woke up to carrots scattered in the living room, a half-drunk glass of milk on the front porch, and the cookies had had a bite taken out of them. The magic and vitality that my father worked hard to make me feel was something beyond human… that’s the only thing,’ he said.
“I don’t remember a single gift, but I do remember that memory.”
Wallis offered some advice to parents who may not be able financially to give their children the Christmas they want.
‘Don’t turn that feeling into a story, that “I’m a failure” and “my children are going to resent me.” Let’s let this happen, because it’s just a moment in time,’ he advised.
uncomfortable questions
Wallis said a good way to deal with uncomfortable questions from family members is to brainstorm ahead of time about all the things that might trigger it.
“Spend 10 minutes asking yourself what questions or actions might bring up something inside of me that I really don’t want to have to deal with that day,” she said.
“Because sometimes, if we haven’t thought this through in advance, we will overreact or underreact.”
Says a good answer to ‘Why don’t you have a partner yet? would be “It’s not something I’m focused on right now, but I appreciate that you care about my love life.”
If they continue to press, Mr. Wallis suggests saying: “It’s not something I really want to discuss here.” Tell me something exciting that is happening in your life.
‘Because if you answer, Christmas will be hostile. You’re going to resent it even more next year. This is going to put everyone in a bad mood.
Christmas can be a time of joy, but there are also financial pressures, family tensions, the pressure to be perfect and the pain caused by memories of lost loved ones (stock)
Dealing with grief during Christmas
Wallis has a simple message about dealing with grief during Christmas.
‘Keep them alive. Keep your missing loved ones alive by talking and sharing memories. “It’s incredibly cathartic,” he said.
‘Don’t be afraid to feel sorry during Christmas. You don’t want to avoid it nor do you want to get stuck in it. You want to feel it and let it go through you.’
What if you are supporting someone who is grieving?
‘Don’t be afraid to tell them that. You’re not ruining their day. You are allowing them to remember who they miss the most. And that is a gift,’ he said.
Lonely at Christmas
For those worried about feeling lonely at Christmas, Wallis recommends volunteering at a local food bank or performing an act of service.
“Purpose will give you a bigger dopamine hit than any gift and ideally the loneliness will be overshadowed by the feeling of contribution,” he said.
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