The mum-of-three shared an apartment with her ex-husband as they took turns raising their kids in the family home. The rules they made to make it work — and revealed how they avoided jealousy when they first started dating.
In 2014, Beth Behrendt, 54, said she and her husband of 18 years, Bill, now 58, wanted to get a divorce — but worried about having to uproot the lives of their three young children.
The couple, from Fort Wayne, Indiana, decided that rather than have their children — Jack, now 21, Mick, now 19, and Max, now 15 — split their time between two homes — they would stay in one place while the former spouses went back and forth.
Beth and Bill chose to buy a second home together before working on a system where one would stay in their new one-bedroom apartment while the other would take care of the children in the main house before taking turns.
Beth Behrendt, a mother-of-three who shared an apartment with her ex-husband while they took turns raising their children in the family home, shares the rules they made to make it work.
In 2014, Beth, 54, of Indiana, said she and her husband, 18-year-old Bill (seen at their wedding), 58, wanted a divorce — but were worried about uprooting their children’s lives.
They decided that rather than have their children — Jack, now 21, Mick, now 19, and Max, now 15 — split their time between two homes — it would be Beth and Bill who would go back and forth
Sharing space with your ex after divorce sure came with its challenges — but Beth recently spoke to DailyMail.com about the guidelines he put in place to ensure things never turn ugly.
According to the mother of three, she and Belle made sure they were never in the apartment or house at the same time.
They both also worked hard to keep the space clean and to respect each other’s “boundaries”.
“We were really careful not to overlap at all because emotions were so high about the divorce happening,” she explained.
“But it was hard because even though we weren’t in the same place at the same time, you still knew the other person was there.”
You don’t want to come to a sloppy place. We really tried to be respectful of the space and not leave anything behind but of course you know someone else lives there and you wonder what they were doing.
She also said that they have “strict rules” when it comes to communicating about their relationship.
They vowed not to discuss anything related to the divorce in either house, but instead, they would meet in a public place to talk about it.
Beth and Bill (seen with their son) opted to buy a second home together before working on a system where one would stay in their new one-bedroom apartment while the other would take care of the kids in the main house before taking turns.
Beth (pictured with her children) recently spoke to DailyMail.com about the guidelines she and Bill put in place while sharing an apartment to ensure things never turn ugly
Issuing advice to others who might want to try it themselves, Beth said you have to remember to “live your own life” despite sharing your living space with your ex.
When it came time to start dating again, she said the key to avoiding “jealousy” was being very open about the situation with potential new partners from the start.
I would bring it up in the first conversation practically, or certainly during the first meeting I had with someone because I felt that, while it was complicated, it was also something really important to me – so if that person had a problem with that, I kind of wanted to to know immediately.
I needed to be clear that it wasn’t about getting back together with my ex – we were divorced – it was just something we were doing for our kids.
You have to be willing to talk about this with strangers, but I feel like most people have been really supportive.
Beth explained that she and Bill (seen with their children) made sure they were never in the apartment or house at the same time
They both also worked hard to keep the space clean and to respect each other’s “boundaries”. The former couple is seen above with their son
“I know from other clans there have been some issues with jealousy or confusion, but I think if you’re upfront about it and show the person that you’re dating them, and it’s not about what’s going on with your ex, (it’ll get better).”
Beth said she and Bill also decided they wouldn’t introduce any of their new lovers to the kids until they talked to each other about it first.
Reflecting on her trip, Beth explains that she and Bill had reached a point in their relationship where “communication issues” were beginning to “affect their ability to parent well”.
“It was then that we started talking about, ‘Would it be better for the kids if we weren’t married?'” she remembers.
“But we felt super guilty and anxious because we only know the traditional (divorce) model, where kids go back and forth and it adds so much stress to their lives.”
She said she came across the co-parenting method known as nesting in celebrity divorce attorney Laura Wasser’s book, and right away, it seemed like a perfect fit for them.
She and Bill have now found new partners. He remarried to “a beautiful woman who was really supportive of nesting” last fall, while Beth is engaged to a new man (seen)
“He was really supportive and I think it was because he was also divorced and had a young child,” she said of her fiancé. She and her fiancé are pictured above
Once I read it, it was like a flashlight. Like wow, I didn’t even think of that, it’s such a great idea,” she recalled.
The young birds remain in the nest and the mother birds fly in and out to care for them. It’s a similar concept but for humans. The children stay in one house and the parents come in and out to take care of them.
When it comes to the benefits, Beth said the system means her kids haven’t gone through the trauma of a messy split.
“I’m a big fan of therapy,” she told DailyMail.com, “so for the first couple of years after the divorce, I asked them to see a therapist, and after a year or so, she said, ‘I just want you to know that your kids are the only children of divorce I’ve ever seen who never mentioned the divorce.'” “.
Beth recently released a book about her experience called Nesting After Divorce: Co-Parenting in the Family Home
She and Bill have now found new partners. He remarried to “a lovely woman who was really supportive of the nesting” last fall, while Beth was engaged to a new man, who was also fully aware of the situation.
“He was really supportive and I think it was because he was also divorced with a young child,” she said.
While nesting didn’t work out in his circumstances, he truly respected his motivation and put the kids first. He’s got the baby first approach in his life.
She and Bill eventually sold their apartment.
Beth now lives with her fiancé when she is not at the family home with her children, while Bill stays with his wife.
I recently released a book about their experience titled Nesting after divorce: parenting over at Family Home, and started a website with resources for people who are nesting, called FamilyNesting.Org.
She hopes sharing what they’ve been through will inspire others going through divorce to consider the unconventional way, too.
I just wanted to help and (inspire) people to think about it. It probably works for a lot of people who don’t even realize it’s an option or haven’t considered it.
