Ex-pat performs Vietnamese resort tweets on the realities of hotel life

British ex-pat who runs a Vietnamese resort posts hilarious tweets about the realities of hotel life, including guests with ‘bowel problems’ and stray cows drinking from the pool

  • Caroline Mills has gained a lot of Twitter fans with her dead end report of life in a villa resort on a Vietnamese island
  • Documents trials of dealing with demanding guests, including honeymooners who want a bath – when the water in the village has drained
  • Other nightmares include cleaning the toilets after guests use them
  • Comedy tips include using Phil Collins to clear the bar at closing time

A sense of humor is likely to be fairly high on the list of important skills you need if you are considering opening a resort to paying guests – especially when it is 2020.

A British ex-pat hotel owner uses her Twitter account to document some of the unthinkable encounters she has experienced in Far Eastern hospitality.

Twitter user Caroline Mills, a British citizen living in Vietnam, regularly posts about the Fawlty Towers-style events at the villa resort she runs, including stray cows lapping the pool, newlyweds requesting a bath when not really running is water and haggling cheeky holidaymakers for prices of £ 5 a night.

Scroll down for video

Realizing the dream ... or maybe not: Vietnamese resort owner Caroline Mills posts dead-end observations on the reality of life with discerning guests and logistics nightmares on her Twitter account @misscvietnam

Realizing the dream … or maybe not: Vietnamese resort owner Caroline Mills posts dead-end observations on the reality of life with discerning guests and logistics nightmares on her Twitter account @misscvietnam

Hilarious insights include guest reports in the rooms she needs to clean, including those in villa 10, who have 'possible bowel problems'

Hilarious insights include guest reports in the rooms she needs to clean, including those in villa 10, who have 'possible bowel problems'

Hilarious insights include guest reports in the rooms she needs to clean, including those in villa 10, who have ‘possible bowel problems’

The obscure observations about hotel life include rules such as: ‘Guests who last saw two hours ago kayak in the sea south of the island. Margarita time! ‘

There are also some rather candid comments about some of the guests visiting the resort, especially noted after the villas they stay in have been cleaned.

A candid tweet, posted next to a picture of a cleaning cart, said: ‘So Villa 3, of course, judges some marital problems of choice when reading before bed.

‘Villa 10, not au fait with toilet paper / possible intestinal problems. Villa 4, its condition! They must have staff at home. ‘

What the staff really think of the guests at the unnamed resort also sneaks into view when a beloved couple claiming to be newlyweds bid for a bathtub at exactly the same time that the village’s water supply is faltering.

Mills also often shares photos from the kitchen, including how staff dine on guests' leftovers

Mills also often shares photos from the kitchen, including how staff dine on guests' leftovers

Mills also often shares photos from the kitchen, including how staff dine on guests’ leftovers

Mills writes: ‘Last minute booking for today with the honeymoon card. Will upgrade to our very special dry shower villa and throw Huda in half price. Still no water. ‘

Other guests state that they will arrive at 11am, despite the resort’s check-in time being clearly marked at 2pm, prompting Mills to ask “What’s the use of anything?”

There are also tips, including getting guests to leave the bar playing 1980s Greatest Hits album rocker Phil Collins, and spitting with an ex-pat neighbor on the island trying to negotiate for dirt cheap rates.

Mills reveals, “An expat just called to ask to book five villas for a small party with 10 of his friends. Offered me $ 20 a night per villa and only want three. “I live in Hoi An, you lived in Hoi An so we are neighbors and this should be a fair price.” How about f *** off. ‘

And her latest tweet gives guests some wise advice about local laws. She writes, “Hotel hot tip number 749! If you plan to do anything in your room that may result in the death penalty in the country you are visiting.

“Don’t flamboyantly hang it over the coffee table to discover the household.”

Advertisement

.