A former member of the Mormon church has revealed the haunting tunes the sect would teach children as young as primary school.
Alyssa Grenfell, 31, has built a fan base of hundreds of thousands of followers in recent years by sharing her story, from her upbringing in a devout Mormon family to her decision to leave the church as a young adult.
Often delving into the many idiosyncrasies of growing up Mormon, Alyssa recently revealed (and performed) a series of songs she was taught at her religious school since childhood.
The first and most impressive was “I Like Mormon Boys,” sung to the tune of Sir Mix-a-Lot’s Baby Got Back, the iconic early-’90s rap homage to women with prominent backsides.
Former Mormon Alyssa Grenfell, 31, is known to hundreds of thousands of people on social media for speaking out against her former religion, which she abandoned as an adult.
As her latest insight into her Mormon upbringing, Alyssa previewed three songs she was taught in childhood, including a strange, sanitized rendition of Baby Got Back.
The very explicit lyrics include lines like “when a girl walks in with a tiny waist and a round thing on her face, you jump” and “My anaconda doesn’t want anything unless you have buns, baby.”
The chillingly sanitized Mormon version, from which Alyssa performed the opening lines, goes like this: ‘I like Mormon boys and I can’t lie / You other girls can’t deny / When a guy walks in with a scripture case and a smile on his face, you get a date!’
‘A heavenly companion! / Oh, but he waits! / He goes on a mission leaving you wishing you had a man / Someone to hold your hand.
‘So deacons! (what?) Teachers! (what?) We don’t want your features / ‘Cause your brothers are attractive and you’re not / So bring in those righteous priests, HEY!’
A quick Google search revealed several videos of preteen girls enthusiastically reciting the lyrics to the original Baby Got Back verse.
The next song Alyssa described is called Follow the Prophet, which, she added, children are taught starting at the age of three.
The lyrics, which repeat ‘Follow the prophet’, in reference to adhering to the teachings of Mormon church founder Joseph Smith, conclude: ‘Follow the prophet, don’t stray / Follow the prophet, he knows the way.’
The third song Alyssa shared, also taught in elementary school, is called ‘I Hope I’m Called on a Mission.’
Alyssa and her husband were married in the Mormon church, but she and her husband left the church shortly after.
Since leaving the church, Alyssa has spoken regularly about her experiences, from the strange dating rules to the hyper-strict rules of Mormon institution Brigham Young University.
Commenters on Alyssa’s 58-second video expressed horror at the songs’ “indoctrination” effect, with many of them feeling especially disturbed by the Mormon rendition of Baby Got Back.
The song is apparently intended to encourage young children to undertake their “mission,” a mandatory Mormon rite of passage into young adulthood that involves traveling and living elsewhere for a year to try to convert people in distant communities to Mormonism.
The lyrics, as sung by Alyssa, go: ‘I hope they call me on a mission / When I’ve grown a foot or two / I hope by then I’m ready / To teach and preach and work like missionaries do, do-do-do-do.’
Commenters on the YouTube version of Alyssa’s 58-second video were horrified, especially by the Baby Got Back parody.
‘”You have a date… a heavenly companion!” Well that escalated quickly,’ one joked.
‘I think my brain just had a 404 error. “I was NOT prepared for Baby Got Back’s version of Mormon indoctrination,” a second admitted.
“What they did with Baby Got Back should be considered a crime in all 50 states and territories of the United States,” declared a third.
“I was expecting anthems, not THIS,” added a fourth.
“Follow the ‘profits,'” a fifth chimed in, pointing to the Mormon church’s notoriously large coffers, valued in the hundreds of billions.
“The most absurd thing is that they make three-year-olds sing them. They want to indoctrinate them from a very young age so that they don’t question anything about the Church later in life. It’s crazy,” said a seventh, disturbed by the underlying logic.
Alyssa married her Mormon husband in her early 20s.
Shortly after, the couple left the Mormon church after dealing with the extent of its discrimination against women, non-white people, the LGBTQ+ community, and more.
Since then, he has spoken regularly about his experiences, from the strange dating norms to post-death baptisms and hyper-strict rules of the Mormon institution of Brigham Young University, to the “cult voice” phenomenon.