Decoding dating etiquette is very difficult, especially figuring out what the appropriate move is after a first date that isn’t the right connection.
While some singles appreciate a text after a first date saying it wasn’t a love match, others find it wildly offensive and would prefer both parties to ghost.
To find out if it’s more polite to break up quietly or send a breakup text on the first date, FEMAIL reached out to etiquette experts and a matchmaker who weighed in.
Etiquette expert Lisa Mirza Grotts told DailyMail.com, “When Sex and the City’s Carrie Bradshaw’s boyfriend Jack Berger broke up with her on a post-it note after being in a “relationship,” that was unforgivable.”
‘But after a date, it’s more like… it was nice meeting you. “There’s no need for a breakup, there’s just no interest,” Lisa, known as Golden Rules Gal, revealed on Instagram.
“If it seems like neither party is interested and there is no discussion about a second date, it’s appropriate to simply break up without texting,” Lisa explained. “Sometimes silence communicates mutual selflessness better than words.”
Lisa, who lives in San Francisco, said that when it comes to ending things, “timing matters.”
“No matter how much interaction you’ve had, if there’s no connection and no plans are discussed, things will naturally fall apart,” Lisa said. “But if there are tentative plans or future dates, it’s polite to send a text.”
Decoding dating etiquette is very difficult, especially figuring out what the appropriate move is after a first date gone bad (file image)
Etiquette expert Thomas P. Farley, also known as Mister Manners, told DailyMail.com that unless one individual “continues to express interest in another meeting”, the second person simply “should not initiate further contact”.
“Ghosting after clear interest or effort is not kind,” Lisa continued.
Etiquette expert Thomas P. Farley, also known as Mr. manners agreed with Lisa, telling DailyMail.com: “If the person who was eliminated has already expressed comments of gratitude at the end of the evening, there is no etiquette rule that dictates a text message the next day proclaiming that there will be no a next date.”
‘After a date… a breakup is not necessary,’ revealed etiquette expert Lisa Mirza Grotts
Mister Manners explained that unless one individual “continues to express interest in another meeting,” the second person simply “should not initiate further contact.”
“It is much better to let sleeping dogs lie around and simply ghost each other than a well-intentioned courtesy to create discomfort,” declared Mister Manners.
He explained that the only reason to text is if concrete plans have been made for a second date, and not just for both parties to say, “We should do this again sometime,” which, he said, “very likely.” It often really means, “I have nothing.” It’s better to say it, but I’m totally fine if we never meet again.”
The expert said it’s best to send a direct text after one or three dates if “the most interested or anxious party is not absorbing the lack of connection.”
Mister Manners advised keeping the text short and simple with a compliment and being transparent without being too specific.
“Ultimately, I think it’s best to let a budding romance just fizzle out, as long as both parties seem to be going that route,” Thomas summarized.
“Ultimately, I think it’s best to let a budding romance just fizzle out, as long as both parties seem to be going that route,” Thomas summarized (file image)
Dani Bergman, star of Netflix’s Jewish Matchmaking, tells her clients, “If you had a great first date and you wanted to see that person again, would you rather they cheated on you or sent you a respectful message?”
Dani Bergman, star of Netflix’s Jewish Matchmaking, tells her clients, “If you had a great first date and you wanted to see that person again, would you rather they cheated on you or sent you a respectful message?”
“Direct and respectful messages are the way to go,” Dani, who directs matchmaker events, he told DailyMail.com.
‘Tell them you don’t feel the connection or any resentment; this simple interaction can take you in another direction. They might have a friend who fits better!’
Dani tells her clients to send text messages that are simple and direct, giving them a script that says, “Hey, I really appreciate you asking me out tonight. It was a great time!” I wanted to share that I’m dating more intentionally right now and this is not the connection I’m looking for. I wish you the best and hope to see you here!’
However, he explains that some customers find it a bit unnecessary, but he believes that means there are no loose ends.