The wonderful privilege of working in television is that you really join your audience in their own homes, like true friends. Only our viewers have the added advantage that when we are bored or irritating, they can simply tune us out.
The stories we tell in That’s Life! (the consumer show I hosted and produced for 21 happy and memorable years) trusted our viewers; His letters became the stories we told. And it meant I developed an even closer relationship with them.
As a result, every time I’ve asked viewers, my friends, for help to start charities like Childline and The Silver Line, I’ve been lucky enough to have been inundated. The generous and compassionate public always gave us the support and trust we needed. I am very grateful.
And recently I found myself turning to my old friends again. A year after I was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer, my children told me I should plan my funeral. I remembered how grateful I was to my beloved late husband, Desmond Wilcox, who planned his funeral down to the last detail.
Like him, I decided that I would like my service to contain music and readings that I love, not all of them somber and full of laughter. But how to choose?
A year after being diagnosed with stage four lung cancer, Dame Esther is meticulously planning her funeral.
Dame Esther was grateful to her beloved late husband, Desmond Wilcox, who planned her funeral down to the last detail.
Baffled, I followed my lifelong habit and asked you, the Daily Mail readers, for help. And you didn’t fail me. For the past few weeks, I’ve been reading the suggestions you sent me, listening to music, and reading poems, sometimes moved to tears, sometimes laughing out loud.
I was completely overwhelmed by the kindness and talent of literally hundreds of people who sent me the help I desperately needed. So thank you very much everyone.
Before my public request, I had even gone so far as to choose my favorite poet, John Donne, and his lovely poem that begins: “Sweet love, I do not seek to tire of you.” It ends with the magical phrase “Those who keep each other alive never part.” From the sublime to the very funny, I also chose Pam Ayres’ poem ‘Oh, I wish I’d taken care of my teeth’. My thoughts exactly.
But what’s next? This is where you came in.
There have been practical suggestions. For example, the Whiteballoon website contains advice for anyone planning a funeral. Of much help.
Another fabulous idea that hadn’t occurred to me: a person decided that his ashes should be loaded into a firework, to be thrown into the sky in the middle of a shower of stars.
Two people told me about funerals where small bags of daffodil bulbs were given to the congregation each spring, a joyful reminder of the loss of their loved one.
The most difficult challenge was choosing between your wonderful musical ideas. I must apologize to all the That’s Life! fans who suggested the Sinatra song with that title. It was by far the most popular suggestion, but it brings back difficult memories for me.
While the show was on air, every time she tripped over a cobblestone or failed to back up to park, someone watching would shout, “That’s life, Esther!” She would have to smile gratefully. Is not easy. So while everyone else would, of course, enjoy the appropriateness of it, that song might give me an involuntary shiver in the afterlife.
Another apology to everyone who suggested My Way, Always Look on the Bright Side of Life, and It’s Time to Say Goodbye. All brilliant songs. The fact that I did not choose them is due to my desire to be original. Which shows how arrogant I am, even in death. I hope for something that other people may not know, something more personal.
I can’t say that your ideas always make it easy for me. Like the person who said, ‘My suggestion is that you record a welcome to everyone present at your service.’ . . Let them know that you are with them in spirit and wish their day a happy one, a reflection of your extraordinary life.’
Wow. There is a challenge. My old man That’s life! warm up job? He used to welcome the studio audience every week by having everyone shake hands. That might be too alarming at a funeral.
That being said, at my husband’s funeral we began with a Thought for the Day that I had recorded after narrowly surviving a heart attack. Somehow, having his voice and his authentic thoughts about life and death, from the beginning put his stamp on everything that followed. And in fact it meant that his spirit was there at all times. So I’ll try to record a proper welcome.
When choosing readings, many suggested Don’t stand at my grave and cry. It describes how when we die we survive the light of the sun, the light of the stars, the beauty of the world around us; It is incredibly healing.
Several people had found a poem I had never heard of called Dash by Linda Ellis. The hyphen, she points out, is what lies between her date of birth and the date of death listed on her tombstone. The poem says, “Because it doesn’t matter how much we own, the cars, the house, the cash. What matters is how we live, love, and how we spend our money.” It’s thoughtful and thought-provoking, so I’m very grateful for that suggestion.
I must also thank all those who told me their own stories of loss. A lady, who lost her 60-year-old husband two years ago, chose an extraordinary poem by Joyce Grenfell for her funeral.
It says: ‘If I die before the rest of you, do not break a flower or engrave a stone. Not even when I leave do they speak with a Sunday voice, but be the same ones I have always known. Cry if necessary, goodbye is hell. But life goes on, so sing too.’
Another lady began her message: “I guess you remind me of my mother.” She was also a tough old lady. Her mother had trusted her to organize her funeral and, since her mother’s favorite singer was Judy Garland, she ended the service with Somewhere Over The Rainbow. The perfect choice.
Dame Esther surrounded by her children and grandchildren
It makes me wonder if I, too, should let my kids take care of everything after I’m gone. I decide to give them my list, with my permission to modify it however they want.
Thanks also to everyone who made me laugh with their messages. In fact, it will be very welcome when you are planning your own funeral.
Pearl, 85, wrote that she asked her friends to leave her funeral with Lonnie Donegan’s “Have a drink, have a drink, have a drink on me.” She wrote: ‘I want my wake to be joyfully filled with tears of laughter, not sadness. I just hope there’s enough in my bank account to cover the bar bill.
Boom! Fan with terminal breast cancer will have a wake before dying so she can see all her friends and family. Her chosen song was Wake Me Up Before I Go-Go. He ends his message: ‘Good luck Esther, don’t give up. I’m still here seven years after my terminal diagnosis.’
I have been especially impressed by 15 poems that you have written yourselves. From naughty limericks to kind sonnets, how generous it is to take the time to write them and how talented you are! An irresistible ode was written by Ann Knight, 63, from North Cornwall, in the style of That’s Life’s own poet and comedian, Cyril Fletcher. So let me end my funeral, as I ended every That’s Life!, by saying ‘And finally…’. . .’