Had life been different, Emma Hayes might have been the head of Britain’s spy agency instead of one of the most successful managers in world football.
“I applied to MI5,” he writes in his new book, “but received no reply.”
It’s one of many lines that emerge from A Completely Different Game, which, by and large, is also not an autobiography. “I wanted to make something I could read,” Hayes says. “I wouldn’t read an autobiography. I could read parts of it, but they’re not books I like.”
Instead, he has produced a detailed guide to leadership, insights and lessons on how to be an effective and successful manager, applicable to any walk of life, but infused with his own experiences. This makes it all the more powerful, and Hayes does not hold back. One word he uses is “visceral” to explain his “passion” and he does not balk when I suggest that it is intense and raw, as well as open.
“I’m intense,” Hayes says. “And light at the same time. I’m actually a very laid-back person. I would say I’m intentional. I think deeply about what I’m trying to do and how I want it to have an impact. Not just about my team winning, but the impact that what I do can have on society at large.”
Hayes certainly has a worldview, which helps explain his interest in, well, being a spy. He was the first person in his extended family to go to university, studying at Liverpool Hope, and says: “When I think about how international relations, politics and sociology have played a role in my ability to lead people, I didn’t know it then, but I do now. It’s been very instrumental.
“And yes, deep down I would have loved to have gone into diplomacy, international relations or negotiation skills. Maybe I was better suited to that than being a spy! But my university friends used to put a sign on my door that said ‘Jane Bond’.”
Hayes adds: “I am passionate about everything that is not about England. I love understanding the world and its complexity. I have always been like that: I have studied the Kurds, the largest stateless nation in the world.”
Her inquisitive nature is similar to that of Sir Alex Ferguson, a keen student of historical events such as the American Civil War, and Hayes’ book is packed with references to the former Manchester United manager. There is clearly a bond. “I see a lot of myself in him,” she says. “It was the first message I got when we won gold.”
Hayes won goldOf course, there was the Paris Olympics this summer as head coach of the United States, the “pinnacle,” she says, of coaching women’s soccer. “Coaching the U.S. in women’s soccer is like coaching Brazil in men’s soccer,” Hayes says, and there has always been that fascination with the U.S., having spent 10 years there earlier in her coaching career and before reaching such a level. Extraordinary success with Chelsea.
“I still get a lump in my throat thinking about it,” Hayes says of her Olympic victory. “Every time I think about it, I’ve always dreamed about it. I’ve played it on the courts next to the Camden flats (on the Curnock Street Estate in north London, where she grew up).”
Hayes triumphed with the U.S. national team just 73 days after his first training session. He inherited a team that had failed at the last World Cup but was, as always, burdened with expectations. Hayes felt very different physically and emotionally after triumphing in Paris and winning with Chelsea.
“I find it hard to look at pictures of me lifting trophies,” the 47-year-old says of her title-studded club career. Why? Hayes endured years of trauma – from the birth of her son, Harry, and the loss of her stillborn twin, Albie, to an emergency hysterectomy after a harrowing battle with endometriosis that led to a sudden menopause.
“The second trophy I lifted with Chelsea, in 2015, I came out of hospital that afternoon after emergency surgery and all I can see is the pain I was in,” says Hayes. “I remember the 2018 FA Cup, I gave birth to Harry 10 days later. I remember being in excruciating pain. Every image was pain.
“That’s why this summer has been so joyful for me, because for the first time in a long time I felt like I didn’t have any personal health problems. It was also a way to smile after a period of mourning.”
The grief came with the death last September of her father, Sid, a larger-than-life character and a hugely encouraging influence in her life. Indeed, the book begins with Hayes wrestling with the decision of whether, after 12 years, she should leave Chelsea to take the job in America and there is a moment when she hears her late father’s voice encouraging her to take the opportunity, something she is always implored to do.
Hayes is motivated to speak openly about her health and the effect it has had on her, to help other people and “raise awareness.” She wants more dialogue and education and it’s hard to imagine when she asks, “what if men also suffered from the plethora of underlying health issues related to women’s menstrual cycles?” and answers her own question: “We wouldn’t be in this position. I really wanted to bring that to life.”
And that’s precisely what she has done. The book is astonishing. “When it came to my own health, I thought a lot about how much I suffered in silence because I didn’t understand what was going on,” says Hayes. “And so I did some more research.”
Another clear theme is the huge holistic investment Hayes has in her players and staff and their wellbeing, which, at first glance, might well be at odds with elite sport. It is, she says, an “oxymoron”, adding: “Being simultaneously caring, unfeeling and cold because you’re in a business where it’s about people’s lives, but you can only put 11 players in a team.”
And there are some powerful lines that Hayes goes on to say in the book, such as how she “normalized pain” and how her doctor told her her endometriosis was so severe – stage five – that it should have “crippled” her.
There is also the question of whether it is feasible for a woman in her position – or, indeed, in any position of responsibility and leadership – to take a year’s maternity leave.
“It’s the biggest regret I have,” Hayes says. “It took me eight weeks, and as you often hear from women who have given birth, you’re living inside a body that you don’t understand and you’re out of sync with, and it takes longer to recover from childbirth than you think. I thought, ‘Eight weeks, I’ll bounce back in no time. ’ It took me about four years, but I was also dealing with chronic endometriosis. So I don’t think it was until I had my hysterectomy (in 2022) that I recovered from childbirth.”
It’s understandable that leaving Chelsea, as tough as it was, and ending with a spectacular Women’s Super League win, was the right thing to do. So was taking over as U.S. manager. “I was glad my time at Chelsea was coming to an end,” Hayes says. “The pressure comes with the position I’m in, and it certainly comes with the winning record I have. I accept that. But I’ve enjoyed feeling joyful again. I didn’t realize how debilitating grief is and how much both grief and my own personal struggles over the last few years have sapped everything from me. I’m very happy to move on. Proud of everything I’ve done at Chelsea, but happy to be in this new space.”
She has had immediate success and hopes to remain in the U.S. job for at least five years. “There is a very different atmosphere in the U.S. There is a value in working in women’s sports,” says Hayes, explaining that she feels more energized.
But would he ever dare to coach England? “I’ve always privately dreamed of coaching the US national team and, yes, those formative years played a part in that,” he says. Hayes would “never say never” to coaching England, but he also says: “I haven’t necessarily seen England’s path intuitively for me.”
What about men’s football? Could I coach in the Premier League, for example? Another line stands out in the book: “Who knows?” Hayes writes of what she might do next. “Maybe I’ll be so enriched by my experience in international football that I’ll take the plunge into men’s football.”
So that’s your goal? “I think people are asking the wrong person. You have to ask the owners. Ask them, ‘Why aren’t you hiring Emma Hayes or Carla Ward at that level?’ Because I think whatever that threshold is, I don’t understand why it is. I honestly don’t understand it. In a world where elite performance matters so much, diversity is essential. So why don’t we have it?”
“I’m not just talking about gender. I’m also talking about race and ethnicity. It’s a pervasive thing. I’m almost surprised that a woman hasn’t been appointed to be in charge at some point, but as far as I’m concerned, I’m very happy in women’s football.
“Think about it from my perspective: how many more important jobs than the one I have are they going to have? Then I would have to give something up. Everyone talks about men’s football, but I ask myself: ‘Do you realise what I’m doing?’ For me, this is the ultimate.”
However, Hayes has a long-term goal, and it’s no surprise given her entrepreneurial nature. “I want to invest in women’s sports,” she says. “Would I like to own a football club one day? Yes, definitely. I want to invest in women’s football and women’s sport and I see potential in that.”
It is a potential that Hayes has played – and will continue to play – a major role in growing. “I’m doing something I love, so I don’t think about achievements in terms of medals and winning things,” she says, despite her tangible success.
“For me, I just wanted to set the tone and create a space that was a great place for women to thrive. I feel really privileged to have the opportunity to do that. Sometimes that’s all people need in life: to be given the opportunity.”
A Whole Different Game: My Leadership Handbook by Emma Hayes is out now (Robinson, £22)
(tags to translate)Emma Hayes
