What I’m about to tell you may make you gasp deeply, but the fact is that I was only five years old when I discovered that Santa Claus wasn’t real.
What caused my rude awakening? No, I didn’t see my dad sneaking into my room with a sack full of gifts, and I wasn’t the victim of a mean, older kid at school. Rather, I asked my mother and she told me, plain and simple, that he did not exist.
He explained to me the folklore surrounding Saint Nicholas and how he secretly gave gifts, and that this tradition continues, but he left me under no illusion that a jolly, magical guy would be coming through our chimney on Christmas Eve.
And guess what? My world didn’t fall apart; At least it wasn’t once I understood that I would still receive the Christmas gifts I had asked for.
So why didn’t he lie and say, “Yes, honey, of course there is”? What made her decide to break the snowball of childhood innocence after only five short years?
Well, Mom had thought about it and thought she shouldn’t lie to me. So when they asked him, he told me the truth. It was that simple.
Over the years, whenever I mentioned this to my friends, they looked at me with a combination of horror and pity. People just can’t believe that years of holiday wonder and excitement have been taken from me (and my mother, of all people).
I asked my mother and she told me, plain and simple, that Santa Claus did not exist, writes Dr. Max Pemberton (File image)
I’m always quick to defend her, and not just because it doesn’t really bother me, but because, as a psychiatrist, I agree with her. In fact, I think it’s what every parent should do.
And I’m not the only one. Dr Joseph Millum, a philosopher at the University of St Andrews, wrote an essay last week arguing that maintaining the myth around St Nicholas is “raising children by lying”.
While she tempers her criticism by saying that there are worse parenting options (and I certainly agree with this), she also said, “I think telling your child that Santa really exists is unethical.” It is manipulative, violates your trust and can cause worry and upset over benefits that can be provided without lying.’
Very good too! If you stand back and look at it, it’s strange to lie. We tell the little children that an old man sneaks into their house, goes into their bedroom, and gives them gifts. That if they are naughty or don’t do what they are told, the old man will somehow know and will not give them any gifts.
Be honest. This sounds pretty creepy and sends a confusing message to kids who we spend a lot of time warning about stranger danger.
I realize this is not a very popular opinion and I’m not the Grinch who stole Santa Claus, I promise.
My mother’s thinking was that there would be times when she would need my sister and I to trust that she was telling the truth. However, if he lied about Santa Claus, then as young children who struggle with nuances, we wouldn’t know when he was telling the truth and when he wasn’t. There was a risk that this could undermine trust and, as a teacher with a lot of experience with children, I felt this could cause confusion in our little minds.
I think she was right. I don’t feel like I was robbed of a magical childhood by not believing in Santa Claus, and I really appreciate how she has always tried to be honest with me.
I don’t feel like I was robbed of a magical childhood by not believing in Santa Claus, and I really appreciate how my mother has always tried to be honest with me (File Image)
Dr Joseph Millum, a philosopher at the University of St Andrews, wrote an essay last week arguing that maintaining the myth around St Nicholas is “raising children by lying”.
In fact, when I was a kid, I felt particularly special knowing that other kids’ parents were lying to them, but mine weren’t. It highlighted how much confidence we had.
There is a solid psychological basis for this approach. Young children lack the ability to understand the difference between a “white lie” (motivated by good intentions and often intended to instill positive emotions) and an “instrumental lie” (used to manipulate or get someone to comply with your wishes) .
In other words, young children don’t know what is okay to lie about and what is not.
A research paper last year examined a series of studies on the effects of parents lying to their children and found that when mom and dad hide the truth, their children, in turn, are more likely to tell lies to them.
This is called the “social learning hypothesis” and the idea is that we learn what is and is not acceptable by observing how others behave.
None of us are born with an inherent set of values; Instead, we develop our moral compass by absorbing what is happening around us.
So if children have the experience of adults lying to them, regardless of the context, then their understanding of acceptable behavior changes.
And that should be a concern for all parents. Because the last thing you want is a child who won’t tell you the truth, especially since having a relationship where your children feel able to fully reveal everything to you is an important facet of keeping them safe.
So what do I recommend you do if you’re asked the dreaded Santa question?
You should look them in the eye and tell them the truth: that their current list is in good hands, but it will be Mom and Dad, not Santa, who will make this year magical for them.
Physician Associates (PAs) will be regulated from next week, but by the General Medical Council, which is very confusing. The GMC regulates doctors. PAs have much less training than doctors and should have their own regulatory body.
Camilla is right to rest.
Queen Camilla admitted last week that her chest infection was actually pneumonia and that she was suffering from its “persistent” side effects. As a result, he reduced his participation in a state visit to Qatar and missed the outdoor ceremonies. The Queen is listening to her doctors, taking things slowly and allowing her body to recover.
Before antibiotics, this disease was life-threatening. Fortunately, this is now a rare outcome in normally healthy people. However, pneumonia can take a long time to overcome. Our lungs are delicate and can take weeks, even months, to recover. We must not forget that it is still a serious illness.
Take a break from your schedule, Your Majesty, and make sure you recover fully.
Camilla reduced her participation in last week’s state visit to Qatar because she was suffering from the lingering effects of pneumonia. He is pictured at a banquet held for the Emir on Tuesday.
The country is in a desperate situation and the Government has decided that the urgent issue is… porridge. Yes, certain types of porridge, along with other breakfast cereals, are included on a list of products that fall under a new junk food advertising ban.
The legislation, which applies to online ads and TV ads shown before 9pm, will come into force in October 2025 and aims to tackle childhood obesity. However, it sends the completely wrong message by polarizing foods into “good” and “bad.” Virtually all foods except fruits and vegetables, by this logic, are bad.
And since we cannot protect children, parents must be encouraged to say “no.” Are children so pampered today that many parents are too afraid to do so?
Dr. Max prescribes…
During the pandemic we all used hand sanitizer, but it has since lost popularity. With the NHS warning of a ‘quadraemia’ as cases of norovirus, RSV, flu and Covid rise, it’s crucial we use hand sanitiser again, so we don’t pass on unwanted germs.