After hearing the terrible news from the Princess of Wales, I suspect many parents will have been thinking about themselves and their own children. While our thoughts are, of course, with Kate and her family, as she said on Friday, many people across the country have cancer.
Unfortunately, many of them, like Kate, will have young children and will be worried about how best to communicate with them.
Throughout my career, I have worked in psycho-oncology, providing mental health support to cancer patients and their families, and what to tell children about cancer and how it is an issue we often face.
When I worked in breast surgery, I was often surprised that after receiving a cancer diagnosis, women’s first question was often what they would tell their children. This is what I used to tell the mothers I helped…
The Princess of Wales announced she was receiving “preventive” chemotherapy after being found to have cancer following major abdominal surgery in January.
After her cancer diagnosis, Kate’s first concern will be her young family: George, ten, Charlotte, eight, and Louis, five.
Keep talking
The natural instinct is to want to protect children; That’s normal for any parent. But I have seen how sometimes this instinct can be wrong; Leaving them out only makes them worry more.
They know something is happening. If you don’t keep them informed and updated, you will let their imagination run wild and they will start imagining the worst. Of course, the way you approach the topic varies depending on the age of the child.
One thing to keep in mind is to be prepared for what you say to older children to be passed on to their younger siblings. This is good; It doesn’t help to keep secrets between children.
Creating a culture of being open and talking to them openly gives them permission to ask questions and tell you how they feel.
Be honest with them – if they feel like you are hiding something or avoiding a topic, they may start to worry even more.
let them help
Many children, especially older ones, can feel very helpless. This can increase your distress. Instead of trying to protect them by keeping them away, give them the jobs you would normally do and explain how this is helping your recovery.
Encourage them to volunteer to help around the house or take care of their younger siblings, and remember to praise them. Avoid criticizing them if it is not done to their standards. It’s not about the homework, it’s about allowing them to feel useful.
prepare them
Children can handle many things if they are prepared for it. So if you are going to lose your hair or be very sick, explain to them that this will happen beforehand, but remind them that this is not something to worry about because it is part of the improvement.
Let children see pictures of hospital wards, scanning machines, etc. so they get used to the words they will hear and allow them to have clear images in their head that are not scary or threatening.
Words like chemotherapy can sound scary, which is why we used to just say “medicine.”
For the younger children, we often asked them to dress up as nurses, doctors, and patients. They would take turns caring for each other and would be encouraged to think about how the patient might feel and what the doctor or nurse might say to make them feel better.
remember the routine
Children tend to thrive with structure. While there are often interruptions and uncertainty when undergoing cancer treatment, as best you can, try to maintain your usual routine.
If things need to change (for example, someone else has to pick them up from school), make sure they know ahead of time and remind them frequently. Explain if this is something specific or if it will be regular.
Fun matters
Cancer treatment can be exhausting and exhausting. Try to organize a fun family event, even if it’s something small like going to the park, regularly. Make it clear to the children that this is family time and involve them in its planning.
Keep the adult conversation separate
Children hear things. If you need to have a conversation with an adult, just assume you can’t have it at home when the kids are there. They will listen to you and even if they can’t, they will often know that you are saying something you don’t want them to hear and this will worry them.
Go for a walk or arrange to be out of the house. Those people who have offered to help? Call them and ask them to watch the kids for an hour.
bring the school
Make sure the school is aware and ask them to contact you if there are any problems; Teachers are sometimes wary of reaching out if there are any problems or changes in behavior because they think you are dealing with enough.
However, knowing your child’s problems can be very helpful in identifying their difficulties and allowing you to address them head-on before things escalate.
For more information visit macmillan.org.uk
Children as young as 12 will be allowed to watch cannabis smoking in films under new film classification rules. I work in a service for people with psychosis. Most have a history of cannabis use. We are turning a blind eye to this terrible drug that destroys lives.
Is there such a thing as a coincidence?
I had an extraordinary time at the theater last week. I went to see Tracey-Ann Oberman’s version of The Merchant of Venice. The actress plays Shylock in a production set during the rise of anti-Semitism in Britain in the 1930s.
I found it incredibly timely, given the horrendous rise in antisemitism in Britain today. I assumed the production was a response to current events when, in fact, it has been five years in the making and was first unveiled before the October 7 attacks.
It reminded me of the 20th century Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, who came up with the idea of ”synchronicity” and was convinced that everything in the universe is intimately connected and that things like coincidences were evidence of something larger, which which he called the collective unconscious.
Tracy-Ann Oberman plays Shylock in The Merchant of Venice, a production set during the rise of anti-Semitism in 1930s Britain.
He believed that we all share some elements of unconsciousness with everyone else, something we take advantage of without realizing it, but which influences our choices and understanding of the world.
According to Jung’s theory, Tracey-Ann had sensed the future rise in anti-Semitism and responded with this production exactly when it was needed most. Of course, this doesn’t stand up to scientific scrutiny. It could just be a coincidence.
But I like to remember that we are all connected by a common humanity. It may not even matter what the explanation is.
The fact is that last week I was in a theater in a city that has seen so much hostility and aggression week after week towards the Jewish community and I applauded and cheered the actors who stood up against anti-Semitism and reminded us that Hate will only tear us apart.
Dr. Max prescribes…
Instead of giving a child a chocolate egg this Easter, how about a stylish egg cup to encourage them to have a boiled egg for breakfast every morning? It is a good source of energy and is packed with vitamins D, E, B6, calcium and zinc.
Eating eggs regularly also creates elevated levels of high-density lipoprotein (HDL), the “good” cholesterol. Those with higher HDL levels have a lower risk of heart disease and stroke.
Instead of giving a child a chocolate egg this Easter, how about a stylish egg cup to encourage them to have a boiled egg for breakfast every morning?