Home Health DR MAX PEMBERTON: Here are my tips for parents on how to raise a resilient child who can cope with modern life.

DR MAX PEMBERTON: Here are my tips for parents on how to raise a resilient child who can cope with modern life.

by Alexander
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Younger children are also refusing to go to school due to mental health issues.

Last week’s shocking news confirms what some psychiatrists already knew, having seen, with great concern, that the number of young people coming to our clinics has increased drastically in recent years.

A third of people aged 18 to 24 experienced symptoms of mental illness such as anxiety or depression in 2021-22, think tank The Resolution Foundation revealed in a study.

Young people were more likely to experience a mental disorder than any other age group, a “complete reversal” from 20 years ago, when they were least likely.

Five percent of young adults are not working due to illness, and four in ten cite mental health as the main reason. And younger children are also refusing to go to school due to mental health issues. Surprisingly, more than a quarter of high school children are classified as persistently absent.

How have we created a generation so desperately ill-equipped to face the trials and tribulations of life?

Younger children are also refusing to go to school due to mental health issues.

Younger children are also refusing to go to school due to mental health issues.

Compared to previous generations, they know few hardships, but they clearly struggle with the modern world.

It would be easy to point the finger of blame at them and mock them for being “snowflakes.” But it can’t be entirely his fault. After all, parents are the ones who have the most influence on their children, and I fear that it is parents who have coddled this generation so much that they don’t even know what “resilience” means anymore.

Today, an entire cohort of so-called helicopter parents believe that their main job is to alleviate every little problem their children may encounter.

In this parenting philosophy, resilience is mistakenly associated with repressing feelings and a “stiff upper lip” approach to life.

In an era where everything is seen through the prism of victimhood, trauma and mental illness, it is heresy to suggest that children should be taught to stand firm when things go wrong and to overcome their feelings without giving in to them. .

However, resilience is a fundamental life skill and helping children develop it is key to their mental health. The real world is sometimes brutal, unfair and harsh, and surviving in it requires a lot of determination.

Without it, we allow our young people to depend on the whims of the unpredictable nature of life. Building resilience is much better than wrapping a child in bubble wrap.

Develop inner strength and confidence that they can rely on for the rest of their lives. What happens when the paternal shield no longer exists? Without resilience, they fall apart.

Here, then, is my advice on how to build it, based on years of experience, and in the hope that we can stop this terrible epidemic of mental illness among young people.

Let them fail. Too often we try to protect young people from making mistakes. We do things for them or offer advice or guidance when they don’t ask us for it. People learn from mistakes and when they succeed, they know they did it on their own.

Think about technology. Depending on your age, limit access to social media. If they are under 16, don’t give in to pressure to buy them a smartphone. A simple “landline” is all they need to keep in touch with you in an emergency.

Social media is strongly associated with mental health problems and prevents people from connecting with the world around them. If they are older, encourage them to stay away from social media if they are going through difficult times.

Encourage them to play sports. Competition, physical exercise, and being on a team are incredibly important and helpful in building resilience. Too often children only do what they like. But it’s important to do things that you’re not good at, that you don’t trust, or that require dedication. And they may even come to like it.

Competition, physical exercise, and being on a team are incredibly important and helpful in building resilience.

Competition, physical exercise, and being on a team are incredibly important and helpful in building resilience.

Competition, physical exercise, and being on a team are incredibly important and helpful in building resilience.

Remember that you are the adult. Your son is not your friend. Being strict, firm, and having clear rules and routines helps your child and gives them a model of discipline and how to handle time and pressure when they are older.

Develop your skills. Help them focus on key skills, such as speaking in front of others, preparing food, or doing laundry. Helping a child become more independent also shows her that she can do things on her own and that she is in control.

Focus on your talents. Building trust isn’t just about blindly praising them. Helicopter parents tend to think this increases confidence, but it can have the opposite effect: increasing stress and pressure to please everyone. Instead, identify the things they are good at and encourage them to develop in those areas.

Setting goals. Encourage them to set a goal, whether it’s reading a selection of books, learning a skill, or getting a grade on an exam by playing an instrument, for example. The only rule is that it must require dedication and concentration.

Encourage them to jump into it. There will be setbacks, but when they get there, they will act as a model for future goals. They have shown what they can do when they put their minds to it.

Encourage them to get a job, preferably public-facing. They will learn many key life skills, such as time management, managing other people, resolving conflict, and coping with boredom. Let them use some of the money they earn to reward themselves.

Help them find a purpose. Explore their core values ​​and the things they believe are important, and help them translate them into a focused activity that gives them a sense of purpose. Encourage them to undertake activities that connect them to society at large. Reflect on your family’s values ​​and help them draw strength from them.

Encourage them to give back. Helping someone or volunteering helps build purpose and teaches key skills. And nothing distracts you from your own problems more than solving someone else’s.

Expand your horizons. Encourage them to explore thoughts and ideas that are different from their own. Books, movies, and newspapers with a wide range of opinions and perspectives can expose them to the real world where not everyone will agree with them.

Help them gain perspective. Be sure to maintain open communication. Aim for warm, nonjudgmental connections. Help them identify and name their emotions and validate these feelings. Emphasize that they are in control of how they feel and help them find strategies to manage their feelings.

If you don’t have the answer, assure them that you will find it together. Remember when they had difficulties in the past and how they dealt with them, and remind them that things are better again.

Emphasize that bad or difficult times will pass and focus on the things you can change. Encourage them to break problems into parts and tackle them little by little.

Don’t medicalize them too much. Resist the temptation to see every difficulty your children have as evidence of mental illness.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be understanding. But by rushing to label young people, we remove any sense of control they may have to change things for themselves.

Explain to them that life can be hard, that you understand how they feel, but that you are there with them and they will get through it. If they have serious concerns, by all means, encourage them to talk to a professional.

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