Former NRL star Ben Barba has opened up about his darkest days as a football player, how his brilliant career unraveled and how his daughters saved him from taking his own life.
The troubled Canterbury Bulldogs hero, who was forced to take work as a scaffolder and truck driver after his football career ended, was once the toast of the NRL as the 2012 leading try scorer, with a Dally M medal on his back. pocket.
But all that came crashing down due to a series of incidents outside the paddock influenced by drug and alcohol consumption.
Barba left the Bulldogs at the end of the 2013 season to spend a year with the Brisbane Broncos before a two-season stint with the Cronulla Sharks, but tested positive for cocaine in 2016 and was released by the club.
“I got to the point of suicide where I was sitting there and thinking I can’t do this anymore,” Barba said. Andy Raymond Unfiltered Podcast.
Ben Barba (pictured playing for Cronulla in 2016) has spoken openly about how his brilliant football career came undone.
The Dally M winner as the sport’s best player (pictured with his medal in 2012) says his daughters saved him from suicide more than once.
‘It’s sad, because it’s not just me, it’s (a lot of) society these days.
‘My (life) was a little more in the media and there were times when I just wanted to get it all over with.
“It’s easy to say this when you look at the guys who do it, to say it’s very weak.”
“But when you’re in that position, you think, wait a second, it’s easy to eliminate all your problems.”
‘My four daughters saved me more times than you will ever know.
‘I’m not ashamed to say I thought my life would be easier, but can you imagine their lives if they woke up and their father was gone?’
Barba admits the life of a big sports star was something he never expected, and the temptations were too much to handle for a boy from Darwin.
“No one taught me how to be Benny Barba, the football star, the famous person,” Barba said.
A series of off-field scandals forced the talented player to leave the league (pictured is Barba with his daughters Bodhi, Blaise, Bobbi and Brontë)
Barba (pictured celebrating Cronulla’s premiership in 2016) admits he was unprepared for life in the spotlight after his departure from Darwin.
‘Where I come from, my parents worked hard for what we had and I don’t come from much.
‘I would like to have a little more knowledge and strength to be able to handle it.
“It wasn’t ingrained in me. I’ve obviously had some good role models in my life, but I didn’t have many to choose from.
‘I wish I had the right tools, when I think about it, to handle it. Who knows, I might still be playing.
“I played football because I wanted to play football.
“They (football clubs) try to help you, but there is only so much they can show you, unless they are in that position themselves.”
“Football was my passion and as soon as it became a job that’s when the pressure took its toll.
‘I lost my way.
‘I told myself, if people want me to be who everyone wants me to be, I might as well tap into their value.
“Obviously then alcohol and drugs took their toll.
“It was like 12 months ago no one bothered you if you were on fire, so you went out and didn’t have to spend a cent because everyone wanted to buy Benny Barba a beer.
‘I threw myself into it. I didn’t handle it the right way.’
Barba (pictured playing for St Helens in England) is focused on being a better father and no longer watches football – but not because he doesn’t want to be reminded of better days.
Barba was forced to play overseas after the series of controversies in Australia, and soon found his mojo again playing for St Helens.
His incredible return to form in 2018 saw him win the Man of Steel for the best player in the English Super League. His impressive performances on the field, combined with a supposedly improved attitude off the field, caused the Cowboys to offer Barba a one-year contract.
But his NRL contract was quickly torn up after an alleged assault.
Barba currently lives in the Queensland city of Mackay and admits he no longer watches football.
“I also don’t like watching football with people because after you get that inside knowledge (of the NRL), you hear your usual ‘Joe Blows’ say what they think (about a player), and I’m sitting there thinking, wait.” in a second,” Barba said.
‘I try to stay as relaxed as possible and lean on my family.
‘I have my four daughters, Brodie, Brontë, Blaise and Bobbi, all growing up.
‘I’m just trying to be the best father I can be. They are my world. I love them to death.’
If you are experiencing depression or mental health symptoms, help is available at:
Lifeline Crisis Chat and Crisis Text: Alternatively call 131114 for this free 24-hour crisis support and suicide prevention service throughout Australia.
Beyond Blue – Call 1300 224 636 for telephone support, information and resources for people suffering from depression or anxiety, or visit their website.