A disabled woman has revealed she was previously offered sex “as a favour” and was even warned her husband would “leave her because she is a burden”.
Holly Greader, 26, from Wales, has chronic pain and hypermobility syndrome, which sometimes forces her to use a wheelchair.
She revealed that she remembers being just 16 years old when she was first asked if she could have sex because of her disability.
Remembering the intrusive question the boys in her class asked her, Holly told the bbc: ‘They asked me things like, can you only have sex in a wheelchair? Will your joints dislocate? If I wanted to have rough sex with you, could I?
Even now, people send messages to Holly on social media offering to have sex with her and implying that she should be grateful for it.
Holly has faced years of online trolling, with some users even having the nerve to suggest that her childhood love, and now husband, James, would leave her if her health took a turn for the worse.
The 26-year-old disability advocate runs her own blog called The World in My Words.
She has recently spoken out to challenge negative stereotypes surrounding disabled people when it comes to dating and relationships.
Holly Greader, 26, from Wales, has chronic pain and hypermobility syndrome, which means she uses a wheelchair; In an interview with the BBC, she and other disabled women have been speaking out about the intimate questions they are often asked.
Holly told the BBC that disabled people often face questions about their ability to have sex from the start: “Whether they’re on dating apps or they’ve met someone, it can be the first thing someone tells them. ask.”
Holly pictured with her husband James, who she has been dating since she was a teenager and is getting married this year, and her chocolate Labrador Penny.
The first step? Holly believes it will be better representation in the media. Often, he says, the media portrays disabled people as having “miserable lives.”
He feels the only character in recent memory who is a positive example of a disabled person exploring relationships is Isaac Goodwin from Netflix’s Sex Education.
Played by George Robinson, Isaac is a wheelchair user who associates with both Maeve Wiley (Emma Mackey) and Aimee Gibbs (Aimee Lou Wood).
Many fans have praised the fact that Isaac is not defined by his disability and does not behave or act any differently than any other character on the show.
Speaking about his role, Cambridgeshire-born actor George said radio times: ‘The response I’ve received within the disability community is that it’s really refreshing to see someone who is so comfortable in their own skin and doesn’t question their existence.’
He added: “We are intimate sexual beings like everyone else.”
Kat Watkins, policy access project manager at Disability Wales, also believes that disabled people have the right to explore their sexual identity and enter into romantic relationships like anyone else.
Holly says the character Isaac Goodwin (played by George Robinson) on Netflix’s Sex Education is a positive example of a disabled person having a healthy sex life.
Kat Watkins is Disability Wales’ Policy Access Project Manager. She believes that disabled people have the right to explore their sexual identity and enter into romantic relationships like anyone else.
Kat told the BBC that sex is a “human need”, saying: “If you have a handicap or a disability, well, so what?”
Kat, who has osteogenesis imperfecta which creates brittle bones, had previously been said by a doctor canceling her smear tests because he assumed she was not sexually active.
“Living life and enjoying life is just part of life and it’s not highlighted enough for people with disabilities,” Kat said.
Kat pointed out adaptive sex toys and aids to help people with disabilities in the bedroom, something she says should be seen more on mainstream sex sites.
She was not surprised to hear disabled women like Kate receive such crude messages online, saying it had become “sadly normalised”.
An autoimmune disease completely robbed Nicola Thomas, 38, of her sight five years ago; She says “there’s someone out there for everyone”
Nicola Thomas, who is 38 and registered blind, said that while there are sometimes barriers to having sex, people with disabilities should be treated equally.
Nicola, who lost sight in one eye in her twenties and her remaining sight at 33 due to an autoimmune disease, said people asking her about her sex life “takes her breath away, it’s such an invasive question.” and staff”.
The 38-year-old, who is from Caerphilly and has a boyfriend, Paul, told the BBC: “I think there is someone for everyone and don’t let anyone tell you that or get into your head, make you feel that.” “They’re not worth as much as everyone else.”