John Waters refused to marry 19-year-old Winona Ryder to Johnny Depp because he thought she was too young, he reveals in his new memoirs Mr Know-It-All: the impaired wisdom of a cop elder.
The director had just finished filming 27-year-old Depp in the 1990 Cry-Baby film and the actor wanted him appointed as a pastor to marry Ryder (19), who was eight years younger than he was.
Waters spoke to them after Depp's lawyers had prepared the paperwork – and claims that Ryder & # 39; s parents thanked him later.
The colorful anecdote is one of many in the laughable memoirs of Waters, best known for his cult films such as Hairspray and Serial Mom.
His immoral and kitschy taste made him famous in 1972 for his film Pink Flamingos, in which the characters compete for the title of dirtiest person in life.
Waters, which the & # 39; Pope of Trash & # 39; and the & # 39; Prince of Puke & # 39; , has spent nearly five decades in the film industry and has now reached a level of respect that stunns him at the age of 73.
John Waters is the & # 39; Pope of Trash & # 39; and the & # 39; Prince of Puke & # 39; named for his decades-long career as a director of quirky and eccentric films
Waters revealed in his new memoir that when 19-year-old Winona Ryder spoke of marrying Johnny Depp – who was eight years older – after asking him to officiate their marriage
The 73-year-old reflects on his controversial career in his new memoir Mr. Know-It-All: the Tarnished Wisdom of a Filth Elder
His shamelessness came in handy in making Polyester, his comedy from 1981 with the star movie star Tab Hunter and Divine from the fifties, the transvestite queen and close friend.
In the book, he focuses on The Pope, calling him a & # 39; faux-queer-friendly fraud & # 39; and says that a & # 39; stink bomb & # 39; in Uganda should be scrapped because of the fight against homosexuals
New Line Cinema earned half the $ 300,000 budget and Waters had to find the rest – so he received $ 30,000 from a camp adviser who masturbated him when he was 14 years old.
Waters writes that while filming, they rented an empty suburban home and went there for a month to shoot 24 hours a day and startle the neighbors with the sound of generators running at night.
The last straw was on Sunday morning when all the neighbors walked to the church and the crew photographed a scene with corpses in a car.
A local pastor thought it was real – and asked his congregation to pray for the victims.
Waters writes that filming Hairspray & # 39; one of the happiest times of my life & # 39; was until Divine died two weeks after it came out and ruined the film's chances of commercial success.
Waters writes: & # 39; Who wants to laugh at a comedy when the star died the day before? & # 39;
In 2002, the film was turned into a musical that stormed Broadway and toured the world, but not without a few problems.
In South Korea they placed blackface on the actors and argued that it was OK because they don't have black people here. Water demanded that they use a different ethnic minority, so they did.
At a school in Texas, all white children played the black games and Waters objected to thin girls in thick suits with the character of Tracy Turnblad, who was played by Ricki Lake in the film.
He writes: & # 39; Isn't a thick layer of black face of insult for overweight girls? There is enough fat talent in the United States! & # 39;
Hairspray was undoubtedly Water & # 39; s career high and it helped him reach Depp for Cry-Baby, in which he played a motorcycling punk dating a prim high school girl.
Waters writes that Depp & # 39; did not like being the Justin Bieber of his time and thought making a movie with me was an infallible way to confuse that image & # 39 ;.
The rest of the cast consisted of a just sober Iggy Pop who & # 39; seriously & # 39; was about actor on the set.
Waters is portrayed by Johnny Depp and Amy Locane in the 1990 Cry-Baby film, one of his most important successes
Waters says he is proud of his roots in Baltimore: based on Hairspray in the city of Maryland, where he has filmed almost all of his films and plans to be buried
& # 39; A group of girls approached the crew and offered to pay for the sewer under the Depp trailer, & # 39; Waters reminded himself of the Cry-Baby set
A young Brad Pitt came in to read for the part of Milton and was completely unknown at the time, so Waters rejected him because they needed & # 39; someone with a quirky appearance & # 39 ;.
He writes: & # 39; I may be the only director who rejected Brad Pitt in a casting session & # 39 ;.
Waters says he was probably & # 39; the only director to be Brad Pitt & # 39; rejects because of a role because he thought he was too beautiful to be in Cry Baby
Seventeen-year-old Amy Locane, who read for the role of Allison, the square that & # 39; bad & # 39; was for Depp's love, kissed him during a rehearsal and fainted on the spot.
Locane would later kill a woman and injure her husband while she was drunk, but Waters defends her and writes: & # 39; As terrible and terrible as that was, would it not have been you or me, dear reader? & # 39;
During the shoot & # 39; of course there was drama & # 39 ;, Waters writes, but Depp was professional, although Waters routinely told him & # 39; Cry-Rimmer & # 39; mentioned, a play on the title of the film.
Waters writes: & # 39; He constantly fought paparazzi or wild girl groups who would have notes taken at his hotel: & # 39; I would like to suck your blowjob through a garden hose & # 39 ;.
& # 39; A group of girls approached the crew and offered to pay for the sewer under the Depp & # 39; trailer.
The FBI raided the set and tried to bring actress Traci Lords back to LA to testify against the mafia for the distribution of her minor porn movies.
Lake lost her virginity halfway through the shooting, and Waters was having an affair with a young man that he was a & # 39; insanely cute hipster & # 39; called.
Waters writes: “Before we packed Depp & # 39; s lawyers did the paperwork to be ordained to me as a minister in the Universal Life Church because (he and Ryder) wanted me to perform the wedding ceremony, but I spoke she gently out because Winona was so young. Her parents thanked me & # 39 ;.
Before filming Serial Mom Waters, it was warned that Kathleen Turner, the star of the film, was a & # 39; ballbreaker & # 39; but he found her a & # 39; total pro & # 39 ;.
John Waters is shown with Divine (Harris Glen Mistead) at the premiere of the cult film Hairspray. Divine died two weeks after the movie came out
The 73-year-old says the best time of his life was conducting Hairspray in 1988 – which later became a hit on Broadway musical. He is depicted with the star of Hairspray Ricki Lake
Drag queen Divine is depicted on the poster of one of Waters & # 39; first films – 1972 Pink Flamingos who named themselves as & # 39; an exercise in bad taste & # 39;
Waters says Turner & # 39; s only vice was that she liked & # 39; a cocktail & # 39; and enjoyed the & # 39; ferocious growl of & # 39; & # 39; Ahhhhhhhh & # 39; & # 39; that she released after her first martini of the evening. & # 39;
Serial Mom would turn out to be Waters & # 39; last film that made a profit and the start of his return to the margin of film making began.
But did it stop him? Of course not.
He writes: & # 39; Mid career is the time to realize that failure up is the only way to go & # 39 ;.
Water & # 39; s film Pecker led him to bring the Motion Picture Association of America to arbitration because they claimed the title refers to a penis.
Waters successfully claimed that it referred to the main character and the film and let it go.
The film, starring Christina Ricci and about an ambitious photographer, was mocked by critics such as The Japan Times, who made it a & # 39; Disney film for perverts & # 39; called.
Some saw the funny side and it was rejected by the Cannes Film Festival that it was & # 39; not offensive enough like your other usual things & # 39 ;.
The most uncomfortable part of filming was when Waters wanted a scene with two rats having sex, so he called in an animal trainer to help.
While they waited for the rats to feel the urge, Waters decided to & # 39; rat dirty & # 39; to talk to get into the piece and said: & oh f *** me, rat boar! Eat that cheese b ****!
& # 39; F *** my dirty rat hole & # 39;
No one laughed at the set that Waters thought was weird until he left his director's chair and & # 39; hurt & # 39; was to realize that the trainer had taken a child to see how films were made – and heard everything.
Johnny Knoxville and Selma Blare played the lead role in Waters & # 39; 2004 movie A Dirty Shame that was bombed at the register and earned only $ 2 million for a $ 10 million budget
Waters thinks it is a shiver that the few pieces of music he wrote for his films earned him royalty checks from random places like New Zealand, who paid him $ 2.83 for Cecil B. Demented's songs.
JOHN WATERS WHITE AND WISDOM
On creative energy: & # 39; First of all, accept that something is wrong with you … personality disorders are terrible to waste & # 39;
To worry parents about their children experimenting: & # 39; There are no more things like girls or boys. Get used to & # 39 ;.
About gay men: & # 39; Gay men have to accept that there is really such a thing as a completely heterosexual man and that he doesn't have to endure indecisive cruising … heterosexual men can also & # 39; say no & # 39;
Aging: & # 39; Elegant aging is the most difficult for a rebel: you have two choices: being fat or being thin & # 39;
About fashion: & # 39; A t-shirt on a man over 40 makes him look over 50 … avoid the look of the t-shirt, even if the temperature is outside 90 degrees & # 39;
About plastic surgery: & # 39; There is no such thing as good plastic surgery if you notice it & # 39;
During midlife crises: & # 39; Nothing shouts louder than driving a car. & # 39; Windswept & # 39; and & # 39; Gracefully aging & # 39; certainly do not go hand in hand & # 39;
About grooming: & # 39; Dyed hair on a man never fools anyone … and a toupee is the ultimate offense & # 39;
On love: & # 39; Never say & # 39; I love you & aloud to the person you do unless they sleep – it takes the pressure off & # 39;
About sex: & # 39; Oral sex is part of every marriage vow & # 39;
About raising money: & # 39; Today there is Kickstarter but begging the public is not only embarrassing, it often also doesn't work & # 39 ;.
About posting a script: & # 39; A Hollywood pitch is like submitting the ultimate homework assignment to strict teachers & # 39 ;.
About being ready: & # 39; The boy scouts of America were right about one thing – be prepared & # 39 ;.
On being broke: & # 39; Nothing is so bad that it is good if you are poor & # 39 ;.
On The Pope: & # 39; A co-opting, faux-queer-friendly fraud & # 39;
On Joan Rivers; & # 39; I'm never wrong – just ask Joan Rivers – well, she can't because she's dead & # 39 ;.
The film bombarded spectacularly and earned $ 2 million from a $ 10 million budget, bringing Waters & # 39; back into the gutter in & # 39; when he introduced it in 2004 to make A Dirty Shame.
The comedy about people with head injuries who became sex addicts was, as Waters puts it with some understatement, a & # 39; risk & # 39;
Tracey Ullman agreed to shine along with Johnny Knoxville of Jackass fame in the film. Waters once asked him: & You did the same as we did only you millions and I made hundreds & # 39 ;.
Selma Blair volunteered, although her role consisted of wearing a huge fake pair of breasts and David Hasselhoff played herself in the bathroom in an airplane toilet.
Waters writes that the scene of Hasselhoff was vital if his turd crashes to the ground and hits one of the main characters in his head and turns him into a sex addict.
Hasselhoff was so & # 39; n professional that he didn't seem & # 39; when I asked him at the last take for & # 39; to strain … now growl & # 39; while he was sitting on the prop toilet of our interior aircraft set & # 39;
Waters writes: & # 39; What a pro! & # 39;
The film received an NC-17 rating that dampened its chances of commercial success.
Waters writes in hilarious detail how he tried to appease the censorship by the amount of & # 39; punches & # 39; by two animated squirrels who had sex.
He tried to cut the pictures of Ullman & # 39; s face when Knoxville gave her oral sex and tried to show that she was tickled.
Graffiti with the text & # 39; BONER & # 39; has been changed to & # 39; BONE & # 39; and a taxi driver's script has been changed to & # 39; knapsack instead of hurt & # 39 ;.
But it made no difference and they still got the same rating.
The film bombed and critics like A.O. Scott in the New York Times refused to call it offensive because that would be another way to congratulate Mr. Waters & # 39 ;.
The most memorable review came from Waters & # 39; own family and during the premiere, many people in the audience kept turning to see the reaction of his 80-year-old father.
Then his father said: & # 39; Well it was pretty funny, but I hope I never have to see it again & # 39 ;.
Waters writes: & # 39; Now that is a piece of text for you! & # 39;
Such & # 39; n attitude is typical of Waters, who says that only by & # 39; sliding back to the bottom of Hollywood, I have cashed in real money & # 39 ;.
His films are now easily available for steaming, which means that Waters is rich like never before.
Waters, who thinks about his life, writes that under his few regrets that he did not recognize the Supreme Court, Clarence Thomas, when he sat next to him on a plane until they landed.
Waters calls him a & # 39; lying b ****** & # 39; and writes: & # 39; I believe Anita Hill & # 39 ;, referring to Thomas & # 39; bitter confirmation hearings in 1991.
Waters focuses on The Pope and calls him a & # 39; co-opting, faux-queer-friendly fraud & # 39 ;.
He says that soldiers & # 39; should drop a giant stink bomb on Uganda & # 39; because of his opposition to homosexuals.
Waters writes about & # 39; accepted & # 39; are in Hollywood and call it & # 39; the worst thing that can happen to a creative person & # 39;
Aside from Hairspray, Waters is best known for his 1994 film Serial Mom. He is depicted with the cast: Matthew Lillard, Ricki Lake and Sam Waterston
Christian is aware of his budget and says he takes cheap coaches when he travels from New York to Washington, and tells how the driver once stopped halfway through his journey and walked to the back to use the toilet.
Waters, who is gay, doesn't mind that many gay bars are closed because young people like to be with people of all sexual beliefs.
But he does want a few & # 39; of those sexes from the past & # 39; to remember, pointing out that & # 39; some were so horrible that I got a misty look by just thinking about it & # 39 ;.
His favorite setting was Hellfire on Ninth Avenue in Manhattan, which he describes in vivid details: & # 39; You could talk to a museum curator and an advertisement would come through a glorious hole next to you and knock your drink out of your hand & # 39 ;
At the age of 70, Waters celebrated his 50-year friendship with actress Mink Stole by inviting her to his house for a night of taking LSD.
He is proud of his roots in Baltimore – he shot almost all of his films there – and plans to be buried alongside his friends in one of the city's cemeteries.
In the memoirs, Waters writes that in his eighth decade he is alive & # 39; respectable in some way & # 39; and that the Museum of Modern Art in New York has copies of his earliest 8mm films about his collection.
He is invited to talk at the university and he says he & # 39; accepted & # 39; has become what is & # 39; worst is what can happen to a creative person & # 39 ;.
With a typical bloom, Waters writes: & I am 73 years old and my dreams have come true. Can't you just puke? & # 39;
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