Caitlyn Cook grew up in a religious home, but slowly began to push away from her Christian roots after losing her virginity at the age of 13
A woman told how she turned her back on Christianity after losing her virginity at the age of 13.
Caitlyn Cook, 31, from Melbourne, is now teaching tantric sex after attending a workshop at a festival.
She said exploring her sexuality was difficult because her parents were devout Christians.
In a short film titled Break up with God she said she became curious about sex when she was about 11 or 12.
& # 39; I was actually just interested in things that weren't so biblical, & # 39; she said.
Caitlyn began to feel alienated from God when she went to high school and started going to parties and exploring her sexuality with boys.
& # 39; I was just very interested in periods and breasts and such. I was so fascinated by what it meant to be an adult woman, & she said.
& # 39; I was 13 when I first had sex. I was deeply curious and really wanted to try it.
& # 39; At the same time, I really believed that I would run the risk of not going to heaven … and yet I also just had this drive. & # 39;
Despite the fear of her family's judgment, Caitlyn said the risks seemed worth it.
Caitlyn started feeling alienated from God when she went to high school and went to parties and investigated her sexuality with boys
But not long after they became sexually active, Caitlyn & # 39; s school friends turned their back on her.
& # 39; When it finally broke out in our family that & # 39; Caitlyn might have had sex and Caitlyn indeed had sex & # 39; and nobody really knew how to handle it, & # 39; she said.
& # 39; If I could go back and talk to my 13-year-old self, I wouldn't judge her, I wouldn't be embarrassed.
& # 39; If that is my first sexual experience – being embarrassed, being judged, losing all my friends and then scaring my family – how does that make me ready for sex for the rest of my life? & # 39;
Caitlyn eventually gave up Christianity in her late teens.
She read the Bible one morning, like she did every day, when she realized she didn't need it.
Caitlyn & # 39; s parents, Dick (left) and Jolynn (right) accepted her decision to turn away from God, but wondered what caused her heart change
& # 39; When I was 18, I had this crucial moment when I broke up with God, & # 39; she said.
& # 39; I just had a moment when I realized I didn't have to read the Bible. When I struck the Bible, it seemed a bit like slamming the door and leaving the church.
& # 39; I was choked, I choked myself in the way I thought with the beliefs I had.
The parents of Caitlyn, Dick and Jolynn, accepted her decision to turn away from God, but wondered what had caused her heart change.
"Two things occurred to me, one is" what have we done wrong? Did we do it wrong somewhere, "the other was perhaps a bit of a disappointment," he said.
Not long after, Caitlyn attended a tantra workshop at a festival where her eyes were opened.
Tantra is an ancient Hindu practice that & # 39; weaving and expanding energy & # 39; means.
It is a slow form of sex that is said to increase intimacy and create a connection between mind and body that can lead to powerful orgasms.
An experience in a tantric sex workshop at a festival aroused Caitlyn's curiosity for Hindu practice
& # 39; I just felt all my masks come off and my f * king power just came up. I felt that I was allowed to be on the planet as I am, & she said.
& # 39; In church, I never felt that I was enough, always felt that I had fallen or that I am sinful or that I am not enough.
& # 39; This was actually the first time in my life that I felt whole & # 39;
But Caitlyn still hides the extent of her liberation from her parents for fear that they might still reject her.
& # 39; I'm still a bit modest about how I express myself to my parents. But I think it's the feeling of "will I be rejected if I share this," she said.
& # 39; It's really ironic. I had something like that to share myself with the world in an authentic way, but the most edgy place for me to share myself in an authentic way is actually my house with my parents.
& # 39; I used to think God was out there and I was powerless and now I understand that power is always in me – I was born with it, I am & # 39 ;.
Dick revealed that both he and Jolynn are concerned about Caitlyn & # 39; s path of life, but hope she will find faith again.
"We hope she will come back to the Lord, but if she doesn't, it's her decision and we still love her and we pray for her," he said.
Caitlyn now works as a facilitator, writer and coach inspired by Tantra and has a number of remarkable sexuality and accreditations for shamanic healing.
According to her website, her work centers & # 39; embodiment and examines love, freedom, body image, authenticity, surrender and power. & # 39;
Caitlyn now works as a facilitator, writer and coach inspired by Tantra
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