Dear Jane,
I have recently been having problems with my wife in the bedroom.
For reference, I’m about 80 years old and my wife is 10 years younger. We’ve been together for almost six decades, and for most of that time, our sex life has managed to remain exciting.
However, about a year ago, my wife unilaterally decided that she was “too old for sex.” This came as a complete shock to me as things had been very normal until she made this decision. I asked her what caused the sudden change of heart and she simply said she didn’t feel like doing it anymore.
Since then we have lived without sex. No exceptions.
Dear Jane: My wife says she’s “too old” to do THIS in bed…how can I change her mind?
This has been extremely frustrating for me, as I still have a high sex drive and really enjoy our sex life.
I’m wondering how common this feeling is for women your age and if there’s anything I can do or say to change your mind.
I’m desperate to revitalize our sex life again.
Of,
dry spell
Dear dry spell,
Firstly, I have to reassure you that it is incredibly common for women to find that their libido disappears as they age, and many find that this happens around menopause. Congratulations on maintaining such a healthy sex life for so long.
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers’ hottest topics in her agony aunt column
There can often be psychological problems behind you suddenly not wanting to have sex, as well as physical problems that may be affecting libido.
But the psychological problems are the ones that need to be addressed immediately. If women carry repressed resentments or anger, if they suffer from depression, if they are tired, that will always be reflected in their sexual desire.
It can be very difficult to be honest with your partner without professional help. Being able to speak honestly and without judgment happens most often in therapy rooms. I hate to recommend this to you when you’re over eighty, but I think it’s vital that you first find out exactly how your wife feels about sex, and why, and if there is anything in your marriage that needs to be addressed, so you can be completely sure. . alien to.
After that, a visit to your doctor should be the first step in looking for ways to improve libido.
Dear Jane,
Recently, a dear cousin of mine came to my house for dinner with his wife of some years.
In the conversation it came up that she was in the process of obtaining her massage therapist certification and that she had to accumulate a certain number of hours of practice.
She then asked me if I would be interested in getting a massage as part of that, free of charge. So of course I said yes.
We agreed on a time to meet later that week and she would come to my house for the treatment.
During the massage, things took a turn. At one point, his hand suddenly went somewhere it didn’t belong. At first I thought I had made a mistake, but then it happened again and for longer. It was clear that this was not a mistake.
I quickly made up an excuse, saying I needed to check my phone to see if one of my kids had called, before wrapping myself in a towel and leaving the room. It was extremely embarrassing and uncomfortable.
However, she was clearly unfazed and walked over to perform another massage.
I’ve ignored her as best I could. But now I’m going to see her and my cousin again next week at a family event and I don’t know what to do.
If you ask me about hosting another in-person session, it will be incredibly awkward.
How can I make it clear to her that I don’t want another massage without creating an even more awkward situation?
Thank you,
Hands off
Dear hands free,
As an accomplished people pleaser and hater of confrontation, I know how difficult this will be for you to handle, however, you must handle it.
Take the wife aside and tell her that although you really enjoyed the massage, there were times when her touch made you uncomfortable and, whether intentional or not, you will be happier if you see someone you don’t know in the future. .
She should have little to say. You’ve given her the “out,” perhaps unintentionally, and have set a clear boundary for the future, which should in no way affect your social relationship with her or your cousin.
