Dear Jane,
My wife and I have been together for a decade and we have been so happy that, looking back on those ten years, they seem more like two.
We have three children. After our third was born last year, we decided to look for a bigger house in the suburbs.
For seven months we searched for the perfect property and we were both at death’s door. Finally, in September, we found what seemed like the perfect home.
It was huge, close to a great school, and had a beautiful yard. We were so excited that we told the real estate agent right then and there: we’ll take it. Only then did the agent reveal the problem: the last owner had died in the master bedroom.
I didn’t think anything about it. The owner was elderly and had died of natural causes, and the agent only told us because in California it is legal to disclose any death in the last three years.
But my wife felt the opposite. He immediately started saying that he could feel negative energy coming from upstairs.
I tried to calm and reassure her by reminding her that she hadn’t felt the negative energy before the officer mentioned death and that she was probably just tired.
Dear Jane: My wife has a “paranormal” problem in the bedroom and it has ruined our sex life.
Eventually, she figured it out, we bought the house and moved. Then the problems began.
The first night we slept there, we opened a bottle of champagne to celebrate, and after the kids went to bed, we went up to our new room. We got into bed and I tried to kiss my wife, but suddenly she just shook her head with wide eyes.
Puzzled, I asked him what was wrong. In response, she whispered: she is haunted.
My wife had never believed in ghosts, so I tried to laugh it off. But she didn’t want any of that and since then she flatly refused to have sex in the bedroom.
He doesn’t mind sleeping there, but sex is absolutely out of the question. Apparently the spirit only feels sinister when we begin romantic relationships.
Of,
(lack of) spirit
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers’ hottest topics in her agony aunt column
Dear (Lack of) Spirit,
As difficult as this may be to hear, your wife may not be as happy in your marriage as you are.
His refusal to have sexual relations is probably not because she sensed a paranormal presence. Although gHosts are certainly a much more ingenious excuse to avoid sex than, say, a headache.
There may be something else going on in your bedroom.
The key to restoring intimacy to your marriage is No It will involve hiring an exorcist. It will be through open communication.
Consider that your lack of sexual desire may be hormonal or perhaps due to exhaustion from having young children. It may even be that she carries resentments that she has not been able to express to you.
Regardless of what the root of this problem is, you won’t find out unless you demand an honest conversation.
Confront her (kindly) about her somewhat ridiculous excuse that the bedroom is haunted (not enough to move the beds, mind you).
If your wife is indeed feeling overwhelmed, I would suggest that she is convinced that she is carrying too much burden in the family. That can leave a person seething with resentment. And nothing puts a woman in less of a mood than being secretly resentful of her husband.
Support her as much as possible with childcare, household chores, and her work anxieties. Even your worry will help relieve her stress and hopefully put her in a better headspace and revitalize your sex life.
Intimacy is vital to maintaining a healthy marriage, and it surprises me how many couples I know haven’t had sex for many years. Many times these unions end in separation.
I highly recommend seeing a couples therapist who can help you and your wife talk about what is happening. In fact happening in your relationship.