Dear Jane,
I am facing a very uncomfortable situation and would greatly appreciate some advice.
My wedding is coming up in a few weeks and my fiancé and I are currently putting the finishing touches on everything to make sure the day is perfect.
Family is very important to me and I want my relatives to play an important role in the occasion.
My sister, who is also my best friend, will be the maid of honor and her two young daughters will be the flower girls.
This is where things get a little tricky.
She also has a 12 year old son, whom I adore, and I have asked him to be the ring bearer.
We put him in a suit that matches the one my fiancé and his groomsmen will be wearing, and they all look great together.
But last week, my sister asked me if we could have a serious conversation about outfits.
Dear Jane, my nephew insists on wearing something wildly inappropriate to my wedding.
She told me that my nephew would like to wear a dress for the wedding.
I was completely shocked and speechless. He has always been a sweet and sensitive boy, but I never imagined he would want to dress more femininely.
As a kid, he would sometimes try on girls’ clothes, but I assumed it was just a phase.
As selfish and horrible as it may sound, I don’t want her to wear a dress because it won’t look good with everyone else’s clothes.
For the record, I love my nephew and will accept him no matter what.
But the wedding photos will be weird if he’s the only guy in a dress while all the other guys are wearing the same dress.
What if he comes to regret this?
What if this is something you’ll get over in a few years and the memories will be set in stone forever?
Finally, my fiancé’s family is pretty old-fashioned and I can’t really be bothered to explain to my uptight future mother-in-law that my nephew wants to wear a dress.
She’ll just never understand.
Obviously, this is a sensitive topic and I want to approach it with caution.
I think it is my sister’s responsibility to tell her son that this is not the appropriate time to experiment like this.
International bestselling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers’ most burning issues in her column about the agony aunt
Jane, please, who do I do?
Please help me,
Bridezilla cheated
Dear duped bride,
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! What an exciting event!
I understand that you find it difficult to accept that your nephew wants to wear dresses these days.
This must be especially difficult to accept for your special day, when you had a clear vision of what you wanted.
However, the way your nephew decides to dress has no influence on what people think of you or your wedding.
And even though you say that one dress won’t look good next to others, I assume you’re planning beautiful dresses for your flower girls. I don’t see any reason why you wouldn’t ask your nephew to wear a matching dress, if that’s how he’ll feel most comfortable.
I know that this is a very long-awaited occasion for you and that you want everything to be perfect, but I also sense the love you feel for your nephew and I want to remind you that 12 years old is a particularly sensitive age.
Your nephew is discovering who he is and is approaching puberty, and I fear that you may unintentionally harm him by forbidding him to wear dresses.
That being said, most of these problems can be solved with a sincere conversation that comes from a place of love. Instead of talking about this with your sister, why not talk about it with your nephew?
Keep him in mind to see how committed he is, and if it’s clear that he’s happier in a dress, let him wear one that matches your vision for the wedding. Be open to all options, even perhaps a compromise, such as a more feminine suit for him to wear.
As for the explanation for tense in-laws, no explanation is needed. The only explanation is what you and he decide will work best for both of you.
Let them gossip among themselves if they wish.
(tags to translate)dailymail