DEAR JANE: My neighbors are doing TERRIBLE things in their backyard. Am I going crazy or should I call the police?

Dear Jane,

My husband and I moved into a new home last month, leaving our apartment and city life behind in favor of a much more spacious home in the suburbs.

To say it was a culture shock would be an understatement…

But I promised myself that I would embrace the positive aspects of suburban life and made a concerted effort to introduce myself to people in our neighborhood, specifically our neighbors on either side.

There really isn’t a huge sense of community when you live in a high-rise apartment building and that’s something that really excited me about our move.

The couple on the right is very sweet, but very old (talking to them requires a very loud voice, if that makes sense), and I confess I was a little worried that my visions of backyard gatherings with our neighbors would evaporate when I met them. Luckily, the couple on the left was only a few years older than us, very friendly, and seemed incredibly eager to welcome us into the neighborhood.

Our first weekend in the new house, they invited us over for a BBQ and to spend the 4th of July with them, they said we could use their pool whenever we wanted…I honestly felt like my dreams of sitcom-style neighborhood best friends had come true.

But the night of that barbecue, we heard some terrifying screams coming from the backyard. I’ve never quite understood the term “creepy,” but that terrifying noise made me realize exactly what they talk about in the movies.

I’m not kidding when I say I RAN out the door and into our yard to look over the fence and check to see if everything was okay, but there was nothing to see.

The next day, I went to check on them to make sure nothing had happened, and when I mentioned the screams, they looked at me with a completely blank expression, said they hadn’t heard anything, and asked if maybe it had been a nightmare. By this time, I was so nervous and exhausted that I just brushed it off.

Days later, the screams started again. Once again I ran outside, once again there was nothing there.

Two days later, a bright light began to shine intermittently in our bedroom window. Almost like a police searchlight from a helicopter. When I looked outside, it looked like it was coming from their backyard, but when I went outside, it had disappeared again. I again approached them to ask if they had seen anything and again they looked at me with a blank look on their face.

Then the screams came back last night.

I know I sound crazy, but I can’t help but feel like they’re playing some kind of twisted joke on us. There’s no way they’re not hearing the same screams we are. In fact, I’m surprised the entire neighborhood hasn’t complained by now. They seem so nice on the surface, I feel ridiculous even blaming them for this, but this whole thing is really starting to freak me out.

I told my husband that I want to call the police to investigate, but he is worried that by doing so we might completely alienate ourselves from the neighborhood…

Do you think I’m crazy or do I have a legitimate reason to be worried?

Of,

Mysterious mania

Dear Mystery Mania,

This sounds more like the beginning of a horror movie or a psychological thriller.

I can imagine how disturbing and upsetting this must be, but I don’t understand why your husband doesn’t want you to call the police. At the very least, you should start recording this on your phone.

Instead of blaming the neighbors, think of this as a mystery that needs to be solved and call the neighbors to help solve the puzzle.

Unless you’re hallucinating, it seems other neighbors must have heard something. Talk to them, explain that you’re becoming an amateur detective to get to the bottom of the mystery, rather than blaming just one family.

I don’t see how anyone in the neighborhood could blame you for calling the police and, as I said before, encouraging you to gather evidence.

I wish you the best of luck and peaceful evenings in the future.

Dear Jane,

A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and although I have accepted it and learned to live with it, my immediate family has cut off all contact with me since my diagnosis.

Mental health is a taboo in my family and I feel like everyone is deeply ashamed of me for what I’m going through and that I took steps to actually deal with my mental health instead of just pretending there was nothing wrong.

Instead of accepting me for who I am – and therefore accepting that mental illness is a real thing – they have decided it is easier to simply cut me out of their lives.

The first time I saw my mother in two years, she refused to talk about how I was doing, and when I asked if she would be willing to join me for a therapy session, she acted like she hadn’t heard the question and then quickly changed the subject.

I’m proud of how far I’ve come and the work I’ve done to deal with my bipolar disorder, but the situation with my family makes every day feel like a struggle. And honestly, it makes me feel unloved. I spend holidays alone, my birthdays go by without so much as a text, and I live in constant fear that the people who are still in my life will abandon me at any moment.

I feel like I’m stuck in limbo – I don’t really have any family, but I can’t let go of the hope that they’ll come back into my life one day.

Is there any hope or am I just kidding myself?

Of,

Lone Ranger

Dear Lone Ranger,

I am so sorry you are going through this and I applaud you for taking such good care of yourself and dealing appropriately with your bipolar disorder.

One of the hardest things to accept in life is that we are powerless over others. As much as we would like them to behave the way we want them to, the way we think they should, they will always disappoint us.

It is helpful to remember that people generally do the best they can with the knowledge they have.

It’s clear that your family is having a huge amount of trouble with mental health issues, so perhaps you should try to meet them where they are, rather than where you’d like them to be. This would allow you to see your mother, and quite possibly your family, without having to bring them along on your trip, without asking them to come to therapy with you.

It means putting aside mental health issues when you’re with them. It can seem like a difficult task, especially considering that we live in a time when we tend to define ourselves by our problems, want everyone to know about them, and want support.

I believe that you can have a relationship with your family and that you don’t have to be defined by bipolar disorder.

If you are taking your medications and your symptoms are under control, I would live your life, invite your family to participate, and leave discussions about your mental health to the professionals.