Home Australia DEAR JANE: My husband’s annoying New Years resolution is ruining MY life… so I’m sabotaging him

DEAR JANE: My husband’s annoying New Years resolution is ruining MY life… so I’m sabotaging him

0 comments
Dear Jane: My husband's New Year's resolution is ruining my life.

Dear Jane,

January has become my least favorite month in recent years due to my husband’s insufferable New Year’s resolutions.

We have been happily married for 15 years and have two children. Now that our kids are teenagers, we both have a little more free time, which ought be something good.

However, for the past three years, every time the New Year rolls around, he makes a bold resolution to improve his health, and it ruins my January.

My husband has high blood pressure and his doctor always tells him to change his lifestyle. So the first year it was all about fitness.

He made it a point to exercise every morning before work. And his alarm woke me up at 5 am, although he almost never managed to get out of bed.

If that wasn’t annoying enough, he also spent a fortune. There was the $300-a-month Equinox membership, the Peloton in our garage, and an entire closet of Lululemon gear.

Last year was even worse. He decided to follow the ‘keto’ diet.

Dear Jane: My husband’s New Year’s resolution is ruining my life.

became my responsibility to purchase all of your high-fat, low-carb foods. Family dinners became a hassle because he could never eat what the kids and I ate. He accepted defeat about three weeks after the New Year and in a bad mood returned to his “bad” diet.

This year my husband has decided to try to eliminate alcohol cold turkey. But this time he has gone too far.

We are definitely not alcoholics, but our social life revolves around going out to bars and restaurants with friends or inviting people over for a drink. And I really look forward to enjoying a glass of wine with it after a hard day.

So far this year, we haven’t attended any dinners or gone out socializing because he “doesn’t see the point” in not drinking.

My resolution is to sabotage your resolution. I’ll drink in front of him and come home after having a few drinks with happy, drunk friends.

He will never change his ways. Why should I suffer too?

Of,

Realistic resolution

International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers' hottest topics in her agony aunt column

International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers’ hottest topics in her agony aunt column

Dear Resolution Realist,

Happy New Year, even though it seems like 2025 hasn’t started in the best way for you.

I understand that you feel that your husband’s decisions are negatively and unfairly affecting his life, but as I read your letter, I can’t help but think about how important commitment is in a marriage.

Every relationship is full of small and often big trade-offs: we do things for the people we love that don’t always make us feel good.

She has clearly made deals in her marriage, such as supporting her husband’s previous fitness obsession and diet efforts, despite being upset. But, you see, problems arise when we don’t clearly communicate how we feel.

Maybe these are just awkward conversations we don’t want to have, or maybe we have a subconscious fear that if we talk, they’ll leave us.

So we cook keto food or tolerate things that make us unhappy, thinking that everything will be fine in the end. But inside we hold resentments that can turn into hatred. You’re not there yet, but sabotaging their resolution is certainly not healthy.

For his drinking, it needs to be addressed. Deliberately ruining his resolve by consuming alcohol in front of him makes me think you’re carrying an enormous amount of anger and sounds, a little, like alcohol abuse.

Maybe that’s why it’s such a painful topic?

You both need to realize that you can enjoy social life without alcohol. Organizations like AA are incredibly supportive and can help you both see that the purpose of socializing is human connection.

There are many ways for both of you to participate in alcoholic events, without drinking. I spent New Year’s Eve with dear friends, one of whom has been sober for decades. He spent the night drinking root beer and we danced all night.

So there will certainly be fun and the sooner you find a way forward that works for both of you, the better.

Dear Jane,

My life turned upside down when, 12 years ago, I discovered that my airline pilot husband had cheated on me with an 18-year-old college student. He was assigned to be their “mentor” when he began training as a pilot. The matter began shortly after. We were both in our 30s at the time.

I only found out because he had to confess after the girl had an abortion, which he paid for.

I decided to stay with him for the sake of our two daughters, but more than a decade later their relationship continued on and off. Now he is an ‘influencer’ pilot, he works in the same company as my husband and uploads videos of his trips in which he sometimes appears, to my total humiliation.

My daughters, who are now teenagers, have seen the videos and I am afraid that they have realized that their father cheats on me when he is away for work.

This woman bills herself as “an inspiration to girls” for being a woman in the pilot industry, which I find extremely infuriating considering she destroyed my marriage with no regard for me or my girls.

Every time I tell my husband that I’ve had enough of his cheating, he insists that he wants to stay together and raise our daughters as a “united force,” and although their extramarital affair is no secret at work, he is furious. . mother and sisters because “it makes him look bad.”

I had planned to divorce him as soon as my daughters moved out of our house, but I’m not sure I could wait until then. I’m at my wit’s end.

Should I confront his lover and tell him to leave my family alone, or separate from my husband and risk harming our daughters… or should I keep going until the girls leave the house and then let him Karma take its course?

Of,

Shed doom

JANE’S SUNDAY SERVICE

People will usually treat you so badly if you let them.

If unacceptable behavior is not punished, in very clear terms, it will continue.

Instead of blaming others, it is up to us to set clear guidelines about what we will and will not accept. So we must stand firm.

Dear Fling Fatality,

I am so sorry that you are going through this and that you are in a marriage where you are not respected.

It’s easy for women to blame the other woman in these situations, and while we can’t condone her behavior, it’s actually her husband who has made one bad decision after another. And it is you who has chosen to live with it.

I guarantee that sweeping this under the rug and putting on a brave face is doing more damage to your psyche, and probably your daughters, than you know.

You deserve to be loved, appreciated and respected, and a man who constantly has affairs does not show you respect or appreciation.

Appearing in your lover’s videos is another slap in the face and you simply deserve better.

Before you make any decisions about what to do, I would like you to find a therapist who can help you discover what has led you to believe that you deserve mere breadcrumbs. Why tolerate unacceptable behavior?

As for their daughters, girls are much more insightful than we give them credit for.

I don’t know how old your daughters are, but I guarantee they know a lot more than you think. They may even have their own psychological scars from their husband’s infidelities that will affect their relationships in the future.

Focus on healing yourself and finding a sense of self-worth. Nothing sets a better example for daughters than a mother who finds the strength to walk away and build a life surrounded by people who treat her with respect.

You may also like