- In her latest agony aunt column, bestselling author Jane Green offers advice to a woman whose father-in-law is behaving very inappropriately.
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My father-in-law is making my life unbearably uncomfortable by flirting with me every time my husband leaves the room.
I’ve been married for about three months; My husband was my high school sweetheart, so I’ve known his family for years and I’ve always been very close to his parents.
But they recently got divorced and his father has been going through what I guess you’d call a mid-life crisis. He did the usual makeover, started going to the gym, signed up for a bunch of dating apps, and, in a pretty gross twist, started making really inappropriate comments to me every time I saw him.
I guess it started innocently enough.
He asked me if I liked his new haircut, his new clothes, his new car… that kind of thing.
Dear Jane, My father-in-law is going through a mid-life crisis and he won’t stop flirting with me every time my husband leaves the room.
But little by little they began to have a much more intimate relationship.
He has suggested to me that my husband has never been very good with women and that I would be much more “satisfied” if I dated a more experienced member of the family, and he repeatedly makes comments about my body, telling me that my breasts look good on certain aspects. suits and saying that he would never have divorced his wife if she had a “butt like mine.”
I usually try to ignore the comments because I don’t want to cause a scene or upset my husband, but I’m at the stage now where I can’t stand being in a room with him alone because of what I think. one could say.
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers’ hottest topics in her column Dear Jane, Agony Aunt
There’s only so much ‘joking’ defense I can do and I think I’m at my limit.
How can I get him to back off without causing drama with my husband’s family?
Forgive me for what I’m about to say, but… ew. This is wildly inappropriate and wrong on many levels. It makes me so angry for every woman who has had to endure these comments, forcing a forced smile while we pretend it doesn’t matter, when she makes us feel completely sick.
Enough of the funnyman defending himself.
You may not want to cause drama, but as you’re discovering, you can only pretend for so long, and the problem with not talking, with not telling someone that their behavior is inappropriate, is that by suppressing it, we end up hurting ourselves.
There doesn’t have to be any drama. But there has to be some courage.
The next time he says something, tell him that it is inappropriate and unacceptable. You will no longer tolerate his flirtatious behavior. Be strong.
If your husband still doesn’t know what’s going on, tell him before you tell your father-in-law. Her husband may want to join you in letting her father know that this behavior needs to stop.
The truth is that it can be uncomfortable for a while. People who are used to getting their way for bad behavior don’t like to be criticized.
But that’s not your problem. However he behaves after you tell him to stop, that’s his problem.
If it continues, I suggest putting a pause on this relationship unless and until he can behave appropriately.
I wish you strength and courage.