DEAR JANE: My boyfriend revealed his STRANGE celebrity crush and it has completely bummed me out.

Dear Jane,

My boyfriend and I were talking the other night about our biggest celebrity crushes, and the name he revealed totally grossed me out.

For some background, I’m 23 and my boyfriend is 26. I’d say I’m a little more “mature” than him, so our three year age difference has never really been an issue because we’re a lot more “mature” than him. he. on the same page in terms of our lifestyle and our hobbies.

We’ve been dating for six months, so it’s not the longest relationship in the world, but I really feel like it’s the real deal here. Or at least I did.

So the other night we were having drinks and sharing stupid stories about our past relationships and the topic of celebrity crushes came up. We were watching a Channing Tatum movie and told him that I had always found him very attractive, and that led to both of us chatting about famous people who we think are particularly attractive.

He’s not really into celebrity culture much, so he said he’s never thought much about it, but then he said he’s always had a big crush on Ariel. As in the Little Mermaid. The caricature.

I don’t know what it is, but that whole idea has really scared me. First of all, Ariel is a mermaid, which is just weird. Secondly, she is a naive, meek, man-obsessed character who basically gives her entire life for one guy. And thirdly, there is something really strange to me about a grown man being attracted to a character in a children’s movie.

Maybe it’s me and I’m making too much of this, but it’s left me feeling a little… bad about the whole thing.

I haven’t told him anything because I don’t even know how I would really put it, but now I’m wondering if the feelings I’m experiencing are a sign that it’s just not meant to be that way.

Of,

crushed celebrity

Dear Crushed Celebrity,

I hate to tell you this, but I think, as you yourself have thought, this could be you and you are putting in a lot more energy than it deserves.

There is an entire generation of men who describe Jessica Rabbit as their perfect woman, and in fact, as strange as it may seem to some, the very fact that a character is a fictional example of perfect femininity to some is exactly what attracts them. . – It is safe.

It’s also much more normal than you think.

The fact that Ariel can be naive, meek, and obsessed with men is undoubtedly something your boyfriend hasn’t even thought about.

I imagine he’s in love with her long red locks, curvy figure, and, at least in his opinion, her alluring eyes.

Japan (naturally, who but Japan would do this?) has created a huge industry based on cartoon characters, including anime, and its pornographic sibling, hentai.

There is a huge market for cartoon dolls and, for many, there is nothing unpleasant about it.

I’m not sure it’s worth having a conversation with your boyfriend, unless of course you’re using this as an excuse to reconsider a relationship that may have other problems you’re not sure about.

I would let it go, but not before deciding if there may be something else about your boyfriend or your relationship that this discomfort is masking.

Dear Jane,

In December 2023, I moved out of my home of 25 years to live with my elderly parents so I could help my sister care for them.

It was understood that the situation was temporary and that I would eventually find a place of my own.

Fast forward to now, and we have realized that my father may not survive this year. He has told me that my mother will need someone to live with her when he is gone, so I have resigned myself to the fact that I will have to stay here to continue taking care of her.

The thing is, my sister now brags about going out every night with her many friends and how much fun she has, while I do nothing besides take care of our parents and work my part-time job. I don’t have any friends here and I feel like she left most of the work to me when we were supposed to share it between us.

I also recently found out that, despite living here, my parents left this house to my sister, even though she already has a place of her own.

I realize that my sister took care of them for fifteen years before I moved here, but she also decided to move here knowing and accepting that she would have to take care of them. This was not my choice, my parents literally demanded that I move here to help.

I am 55 years old and soon to be 56. I feel like I am drowning. This should not be my life and I don’t know how to approach my parents to discuss this with them.

Of,

Furious in Florida

Dear Furious in Florida,

How my heart aches for you. I understand exactly what you are going through and how unfair it is.

There always seems to be one sibling who ends up doing most of the caring for an elderly or sick parent, leaving the other to wander off living their life without a care in the world.

I wonder what would happen if you continued to care for your parents, but part-time.

If you can afford to move, I would do it, working with your sister on a schedule so the two of you can split your time. It will be much easier to say no if you are not permanently available to pick up their share of the work.

Most people will get away with whatever they are allowed to do.

Your sister isn’t going to magically start showing up again unless and until you start setting boundaries. Ideally this means moving out, but even if you stay at home, she asks your sister to set a schedule.

And, if that fails, can you find local resources to help? While we all have a duty to care for our elders as they age, full-time caregiving is not part of the deal.

Hiring a foster caregiver to help you will help you get your life back. Your parents may have given you life, but it is neither appropriate nor normal to expect you to give up yours for them.

I know how painful this is and I send you love and strength.