I moved in with my boyfriend a few months ago – it’s the first time we’ve both lived with a partner and it’s been wonderful. We were in complete agreement on decorating, sharing tasks, and sharing costs, which I know are often issues that can be problematic for couples moving in.
But three weeks ago, I was hosting some of my friends for a girls’ night out and my boyfriend wandered into the living room totally naked.
I was absolutely stunned – everyone was. One of my friends even screamed. I thought he had forgotten we were there, and I jumped up to hide him.
I took him out of the room… but then he just looked at me like I was the one who had gone crazy. He asked me why I was acting so strange when he was just comfortable in his own house.
Dear Jane, My boyfriend keeps walking around naked in front of my friends. I told him it made me uncomfortable and he freaked out.
I said we would discuss it later and went back to make excuses from my friends.
Since then, this has happened three more times. In fact, whenever I have friends over, it’s like a trigger for him to take off his clothes and wander around the house.
I’ve tried to tell him over and over how uncomfortable this makes me, how embarrassing it is for my friends, and I’ve asked him over and over again if he could just cover up when we we have company. Every time he looked so hurt.
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He asked me why I was trying to make something perfectly natural so gross and scary. He accused me of trying to make him feel like a pervert when all he’s trying to do is relax at home.
I don’t want to make him feel like a creep at all, but I’m now terrified to invite any of my friends over because they all find it so uncomfortable and awkward.
I can’t figure out if he’s telling me the truth or if these naked displays are a weird way for him to claim his territory?
Please help me find common ground here.
Naked and not so afraid
Dear naked and not so afraid,
Does your boyfriend ask you why you make something perfectly natural seem disgusting and scary? Maybe it’s because it’s disgusting and scary?
Not that there’s anything inherently wrong with nudity – if we were all in Sweden, I’m sure your boyfriend and all your friends would happily jump naked into a sauna together, but we’re not in Sweden , and that is simply wrong.
I have no idea why he does this, other than perhaps his inability to exploit his exhibitionist tendencies.
Either way, it’s disrespectful and insensitive to your guests and to you. I guess they were expecting tequila, not testicles. The fact that he doesn’t view his behavior as bad is concerning.
You have the right to have your friends over and you have the right to make sure your boyfriend is fully dressed the entire time.
I wonder if he would do the same if your family came to visit.
Whatever it is, it has to stop.
If he disagrees, I’d say this is a fatal flaw and it’s time to move on to someone who is fully committed to their clothing, or at the very least , in her dress.