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DEAR JANE: My boyfriend has BANNED me from going to my best friend’s wedding… because I had a one night stand with the chef YEARS ago


  • In her latest column about her aunt’s agony, bestselling author Jane Green offers advice to a woman whose boyfriend gave her a shocking ultimatum.
  • Do you have a question for Jane? Email dearjane@mailonline.com or ask below
  • READ MORE: I want to have a BUSINESS so I don’t leave my marriage without sex

Dear Jane,

My boyfriend and I are supposed to attend our first wedding as a couple next month.

My best friend is getting married, I’m a bridesmaid and I was so excited to finally bring a boyfriend and not be the only single girl in the room.

However, the bride just told me that the head of her wedding is a guy I had a one-night stand with a few years ago. It wasn’t serious, just a drunken evening; Since then, I have met him several times and it has always been friendly.

I told my boyfriend thinking he would find it funny, but he freaked out.

He says he can’t be in the same room as one of my old partners, and he’s pissed that I’m even thinking about going with this guy.

Dear Jane, my boyfriend is trying to ban me from going to my close friend’s wedding because he found out I had a one night stand with the chef – and he says he will break up with me if I go there.

I told him he was crazy and we probably wouldn’t even see the chef. Now he says he’s out of the question for him to come to the wedding, and that I shouldn’t either. I’m really upset and also think that’s a total overreaction.

Are we both supposed to avoid everyone we’ve been with in the past? My boyfriend is a great guy and normally very rational and easy-going, so that feels weird.

I have no idea what to do now. I can’t cancel my friend now, but I don’t know how my relationship will survive this.

Best-selling author Jane Green offers expert advice on DailyMail.com readers' burning issues in her column Dear Aunt Jane's Agony

Best-selling author Jane Green offers expert advice on DailyMail.com readers’ burning issues in her column Dear Aunt Jane’s Agony

Any idea how I can make him understand?


I can’t stand the heat

Dear, I can’t stand the heat,

Get out now. I can’t be clearer.

This type of jealousy is a deciding factor in relationships.

As you said yourself, are you supposed to avoid anyone we’ve been with in the past?

It is unrealistic and immature to think that someone from the past, especially a punctual person, can threaten or impact relationships today.

Many of my husband’s closest friends have been lovers at some point, and I don’t care because I’m secure enough in myself, in our relationship, and in his love for me to know that we all have a past. In fact, some of these women have become close friends.

Anyone asking you to cancel or decline to attend an event because of an ex’s attendance is essentially waving a giant red flag at you.

This is not just jealous behavior, but also controlling behavior, and this type of behavior only increases as people feel more comfortable in the relationship.

Thank the Lord, or the universe, or whatever higher power you believe in for showing you their true colors before it’s too late, put on your best dress, go to the wedding, and have a great time. And who knows, maybe the chef is still single too…

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