- In her latest agony aunt column, bestselling author Jane Green writes to a woman who was horrified by a message from her boss’s wife.
- Do you have any questions for Jane? Email dearjane@mailonline.com or ask below
- READ MORE: I’m 55 years old, single and I HATE my body. Will I ever have sex again?
Dear Jane,
I just received a passive-aggressive email from my boss’s wife and I’m totally confused about how to respond.
To give you a little background, I have been working as an executive assistant to a hedge fund manager for several months and so far I love my job. My boss is laid-back, very friendly (in a non-creepy way), and has been great at helping me balance my work with my life at home with my two kids.
However, due to the nature of your work, you need to communicate with me quite frequently outside of normal working hours. Basically, right now I run his life, which includes making restaurant reservations, buying birthday gifts for his kids, and managing all of his travel.
He recently asked me to help organize a surprise for his wife for their 12th anniversary and I was obviously more than happy to oblige! I love this kind of stuff.
Dear Jane, My boss’s wife sent me a terribly passive-aggressive email and I’m afraid I’ll get fired if I answer the wrong thing.
He wanted to organize a weekend getaway for the two of them at a really nice hotel and asked me to take care of the reservation and also talk to the staff to prepare some special surprises. Balloons in the room, champagne, roses, you get the idea.
I spent a lot of time chatting with the hotel staff and getting everything ready, but at some point there was a miscommunication, and when my boss and his wife arrived at the hotel, the note placed next to the champagne welcoming them to their room said my name instead. of hers.
I was absolutely mortified when my boss sent me a photo of the note, but luckily he didn’t seem bothered at all and told me not to worry, these kinds of mix-ups happen all the time.
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers’ hottest topics in her column Dear Jane, Agony Aunt
But today an email from his wife showed up in my inbox. Initially I thought maybe she had mistakenly sent something to me instead of her husband…then I opened it.
It said: ‘Thank you so much for all your help in organizing an unforgettable anniversary weekend. Your “special” work for my husband and your out-of-hours attention do not go unnoticed.’
Maybe I’m reading too much into this, but I can’t help but feel like she’s sending me a message here. She gave me goosebumps as soon as I read it.
I don’t want to be rude and ignore her, but I also don’t want her to think I’m stupid, or worse, disrespectful, if I just respond as if everything is fine.
What would you say?
Of,
Agony of overtime
Dear agony of overtime,
I often advise people to respond very clearly by asking what they meant. In this case, I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong and you can’t really know what he meant by using the word “special.”
Instead of engaging with your boss’s wife in a meaningful way, I would respond and say something like, ‘Thank you for the kind words.’ I’m delighted (although a little embarrassed by the name mix-up) that everything turned out so well.
“Happy anniversary again and please let me know if there is anything else I can help you with.”
Clear, friendly and not picking up on what she may or may not be trying to leave out.
Then let it go.
Other people’s bad behavior only becomes our business if we allow it, and at this point there is nothing significant to address.
Rise and ignore is my wisdom for the day!
