Dear Jane,
I’ve tried searching online but I haven’t been able to find anyone else in a similar situation… so I’m hoping you can help me out.
I am a 26 year old guy, I have a job and a good number of friends, but I still live with my parents so I can save some money.
Everything is pretty normal except… I’m a virgin.
As a teenager I had a few “girlfriends” but they never went beyond kissing. As I got older it always seemed like something was getting in the way.
It’s not that I’m not interested in sex, quite the opposite. But I’m shy and whenever we go out to bars and clubs, my more macho friends always show up and take the girls.
That means I haven’t had much practice over the years and in the midst of a busy work schedule and other stresses, I feel like I’ve blinked and suddenly I’m rapidly approaching 30!
I’m a virgin, I’m 26 years old and my mother has offered to pay for sex… do I accept?
Of course, I can’t talk about it with my friends. The older I get, the more ashamed I am of not having had sex.
It also means I’ve stopped trying to date: I’m terrified that if I meet a girl I really like, I wouldn’t know how to please her.
Some of my friends have even started talking about marriage, and to be honest, I had already resigned myself to the fact that sex probably wouldn’t be part of my future.
That was until last week. You see, my mother and I are especially close. I consider her a friend and she knows I’ve never been with anyone.
The other day, out of the blue, she brought up the subject and asked if I was worried. I confessed that I would like to try sex, but I don’t know how to find the right person, someone I can be vulnerable with.
Then he surprised me. He said that if I was that worried about it, he could pay someone to spend the night with me. My birthday is coming up and he said it could be an “early present”!
I thought he was joking, but he was serious. He said he could definitely help me find someone if it would make me happy.
I’m really conflicted. On the one hand, I’m desperate to do it, but would I feel dirty about it?
I want to get this over with, but it seems like a strange way to do it.
Do I accept his offer or remain a resigned celibate and accept that sex is not for me?
Of,
Confused Virgin
Dear Confused Virgin,
I am very glad that you wrote to me and that you had the courage to share your situation, which is not as uncommon as you might think.
International bestselling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers’ most burning issues in her column about the agony aunt
However, while I don’t blame your mother for trying to help you, I’m afraid I don’t feel very good about this suggestion coming from her, or, indeed, about your mother having anything to do with your sex life.
As nice as it is that you consider her a close friend, there really should be some boundaries and topics that you leave intact.
You wonder if paying for sex will make you feel dirty and say that the suggestion seems strange, but perhaps your mother’s involvement could be contributing to that.
While it may not be a popular view, I think that in a safe environment for all parties, sex work can be a positive thing and seems like an excellent idea in this scenario.
If you think it will give you the confidence to go out into the world and start building relationships on your own, then it sounds like you already know what you want to do.
But your mother doesn’t have to be a part of this decision. You can find all the necessary information on the Internet and I encourage you to start building a life outside the home, so that you have other friends to turn to when intimate problems arise in the future.
(tags to translate)dailymail
