DEAR JANE: I’m 55 years old, single, and I HATE my body. Will I ever have sex again?

Dear Jane,

I’m 55 years old, I’ve been divorced for three years and I’m starting to feel like my life is over.

I understand that 55 is not “young” by any means, but until recently, I never felt that old. But lately I have started to lose hope of finding happiness again.

My divorce really took my breath away and left me feeling really bad about myself. We had been married for 30 years, so for all of this to suddenly come crashing down around me was a shock.

It’s the typical sad story: he left me for someone younger, thinner, prettier… a story as old as time.

But even though I’ve heard it 1,000 times, it really hit me where it hurts.

Particularly because on the few occasions I’ve ventured back into the dating world, it seems like all the men are looking for exactly the same thing.

Anyone my age wants someone younger, and I’m not looking for someone more than 30 years older than me!

I know there are things I can do to boost my confidence and maybe feel a little better about my appearance (hello gym membership!), but I’m terrified that even that won’t help me.

It sounds a little dramatic, but I feel like I’m being forced to accept that I may never have a relationship…or sex! – Never more. And at 55 years old, that’s something I never imagined for myself.

Any ideas on how I can increase my success in the bedroom?

Of,

Taking a dip at 55

Dear diving at 55 years old,

As a 55 year old, it breaks my heart to read your letter and I know exactly how you feel.

It sounds like this divorce has been enormously painful for you and it’s completely natural that your confidence has taken a hit.

But, dear diver, our bodies are not supposed to be perfect at 55 years old, and the truth is that even if we look in the mirrors and only see flab, bags and varicose veins, men do not see our bodies the same way. .

What overwhelmingly surprises me is that the relationship you need to focus on now is the one you have with yourself. When we hate our bodies and ourselves, it is very difficult for anyone else to love us.

I would suggest finding a good therapist who will delve into the roots of your self-hatred and, as fascinating as it may seem, adding some body positive meditations to your daily practice.

There’s a lot of pressure for all of us to be taut, toned, and perfect, but at our age, the greatest gift we can give ourselves is acceptance. Our bodies have sustained us, in many cases created children, and softness and curves are part of who we are supposed to be.

Look at all the great works of art throughout history: the more Rubenesque, the more beautiful the women were.

Find people, hobbies, events that make you feel good. Learn a language you’ve always wanted to learn. Stop focusing on sex and finding a replacement man and fall in love with yourself and your life.

Dear Jane,

I am a third year student in college and this year I started taking a course with a professor who was new to my university. We both started off on a very wrong note when I accidentally arrived late to his first class, which resulted in him lecturing me about my ‘damn time management skills’ in front of everyone for about 25 minutes.

I apologized and even sent a follow-up email later that day to express my regret for the situation, hoping that would put the whole matter to rest.

But since then, he has been very unpleasant to me every time I am in his class, routinely tormenting me in front of all my friends. Every time he needs to call someone to answer an impossible question, he picks me and then makes fun of me when I get it wrong. It is humiliating.

He seems to take some kind of perverse pleasure in making me look like a complete idiot.

And as if the public torture wasn’t bad enough, it also gives me absolutely terrible grades, no matter how much effort I put into my work, without any constructive feedback. I’m really starting to worry that it’s going to ruin my entire course.

All of this makes me so miserable that I am tempted to abandon its course, take some time and start again next year, even though I know it will set me back.

Am I an idiot for giving in?

Of,

difficult lesson

Dear hard lesson,

I’m so proud of you for acknowledging your initial mistake and sending a follow-up email apologizing. Seeing this kind of maturity and responsibility in someone so young is a joy to behold.

Unfortunately, no matter how well behaved you may have been, your teacher is behaving horribly.

I would start by sending him an email documenting this and letting him know that you are aware of what he is doing, after which I would start documenting everything.

Ask someone to get permission to record the class if your state requires permission to record, and start recording. Send an email with everything you need to tell him, including questions about why he’s giving you such low ratings.

You need to create a paper trail to prove what is happening, after which if you continue, you would go directly to the dean of the school with all your evidence to start an investigation.

You can still decide to take time off, but you can still handle this appropriately and maturely, making sure this behavior is documented and you have proof. I wish you luck.