DEAR JANE: I stole my best friend’s baby name before she had a chance to use it, and she’s furious! Why can’t she see that it should be mine?

Dear Jane,

My My best friend and I have known each other since we were eight and now we don’t even talk. Help!

We grew up next to each other, went to the same schools, and our families have always been close.

When we were children, we spent a lot of time with his grandmother, Mae, who lived nearby and loved to take care of us.

We would bake cookies and do crafts at her house after school, or visit on weekends and during vacations.

So when she passed away last year, we were both inconsolable.

Now, my friend and I are 30 years old and married. She has a two-year-old son and I am about to give birth to a baby girl.

I got pregnant shortly after Mae died, and it was obvious to me that I should name my daughter after her.

I told my best friend about the plan when I was seven months pregnant, thinking she would be touched by the gesture.

Instead, she was furious.

She yelled at me that I had planned to use the name Mae if I ever had a daughter and accused me of “stealing” her grandmother’s name.

I was shocked and hurt, but I didn’t give up.

I loved her grandmother as if she were my own. I am also the one who is about to give birth to a baby girl; my best friend doesn’t even know if she will ever have one.

I explained all this to her, but she got even angrier and ended up storming out of my house.

We haven’t spoken since.

I have tried to call her several times and sent her many messages, but she does not respond.

My due date is fast approaching and I have no idea what to do. She is like a sister to me and I wanted her to be present at the birth.

I’ve been racking my brain since our argument and I still don’t think she ever mentioned wanting to name a daughter Mae.

I love the name and don’t want to give it up, but I don’t want to lose my friend either.

So do I tell him I won’t use that name or do I stand my ground and hope he changes his mind?

Of,

sad friend

Dear sad friend,

The first thing I want to say is that I congratulate you on your pregnancy and I am very sorry that it was marred by a complicated situation.

Baby names are particularly sensitive subjects, especially when they involve the memory of a beloved family member or friend.

I can feel how much you loved Mae and thought of her, not as your friend’s grandmother, but as your own grandmother.

Of course, it makes perfect sense that you would pay tribute to a woman you loved by naming your daughter after her.

But that’s not the only consideration here.

No matter how attached you are to this baby’s name, at the end of the day, it’s just a name.

Your friendship, in which the two of you are like sisters, is a rare and wonderful gift.

Throwing it away because of a name would be a huge tragedy that would leave a huge void in your life.

What’s more, the fact that your friend has not had a daughter is beside the point.

She has told you that if she has a girl she wants to name her after her beloved grandmother and she doesn’t feel comfortable with you doing the same.

That should be enough.

It’s also irrelevant that she never told you about her intentions.

Remember: you never told him about your intentions.

Out of respect for your friend, and indeed, the best way to honor Mae’s memory, is to prioritize your friendship.

Allow your friend to name her unborn daughter after her grandmother.

A compromise may be necessary. Ask your friend if she would be comfortable with you using Mae as a middle name instead of a first name.

Whatever your answer, respecting her wishes will lead to a deeper, more secure, and more trusting friendship with a woman who is already family.

Wouldn’t Mae be proud?

Dear Jane,

I am a happily single and successful woman in my early 30s with a great group of fun-loving friends.

We love celebrating together: going out to dinner or taking fancy trips to celebrate important birthdays.

The only problem is that most of my friends are in relationships and we always split the bills evenly.

It’s becoming a problem.

I drink much less than others (especially men) or sometimes not at all.

I also tend to order less food and avoid dessert for health reasons.

Sometimes the difference in price between our meals is significant.

Since I am single and have only one income to pay rent and other expenses, I have to be careful even if I earn a good salary.

I don’t think it’s fair to foot the bill for someone else’s drinking or big-eating boyfriend.

But I haven’t brought it up because I don’t want to be a party pooper.

Now, a friend is turning 40 and wants us to plan a luxurious trip abroad.

Of course, everyone agrees that money is not a problem for them, but after hotels, flights, taxis, meals, excursions and other expenses, the sum could rise to more than $2,000.

How can I tactfully inform my friends that splitting bills equally affects me disproportionately? I don’t want to stop spending time with them, but I also need them to understand my point of view.

Of,

Money between friends

Dear Money Among Friends,

This is a common problem and one that I have received letters about before.

Most of us have been in a similar situation – perhaps not as often as you – when we have gone out to dinner and a huge bill arrives.

My stomach sank as I realized that the bill had been split evenly, even though I hadn’t touched a drop of the expensive wine, for example.

It’s perfectly reasonable to feel uncomfortable about being forced to pay for someone else’s consumption.

However, there is no easy way to avoid this.

It all starts with choosing the events you will attend.

Avoid dinners, parties and trips where you know everyone will spend the same amount.

Next, tell your friends about your discomfort.

But understand that it is generally not socially acceptable to pay the check, especially in a large group. You can expect them to move away.

This may cause your friends to include you less in certain gatherings, which would certainly solve the problem of high bills.

Obviously, this is far from an ideal solution, although considering the alternative (insolvency), it could be worse.

Once again, a compromise is needed.

Consider having dinner at people’s homes instead of fancy nights out.

Let them know that the extravagant trip is too much for you and that although you would love to be there, you will join them at the local beach, park or social club.

Being honest about your financial circumstances will feel liberating and may even change the dynamics of your friendships in a positive way.

True friends will understand and find ways to accommodate your needs.

Either way, choosing not to do activities you can’t afford will prevent resentment from building up.

And bitterness is the most disgusting taste of all.