DEAR JANE: I landed my dream job as a flight attendant – but it’s completely DESTROYED my love life

Dear Jane,

I have worked as a flight attendant for a major airline for the past four years and that has given me the incredible opportunity to visit so many amazing places.

I honestly can’t imagine a better job.

But, as with everything in life, with the ups and downs have come the downs…most of which I can deal with. The crazy hours, the meager salary, even the constant distance from my friends and family – none of it is terrible enough to make me want to reconsider what I’m doing.

The only thing that’s proving really difficult is the impact my job has had on my love life.

About a year after I got the job, my boyfriend of six years broke up with me, saying he no longer felt like a priority and didn’t want a ‘part-time girlfriend’ who would never be around. While I now look back and realize that the relationship was doomed from the start for various reasons, I have never been able to get those complaints out of my mind.

I took some time to grieve that relationship and started dating again about two years ago. And it has been a disaster.

I’ve used every app you can imagine, I’ve tried asking friends and family to set me up on blind dates, and I’ve made an effort to form real-life connections every chance I get to go out. …But nothing seems to work.

Due to the nature of my job, trying to set a date or time to go out with someone is basically impossible, and every time I have the opportunity to meet someone in person, I feel like I’m immediately taken back. -Travel backwards that prevent me from seeing them for weeks.

I’m 32 years old and I’m terrified that it’s getting too late for me, that I’m going to end up being one of those lonely women who foolishly dedicated everything to their work, only to find themselves totally alone at age. of 50.

But if I quit my job, simply because it could help me find someone… surely it will be a decision I will also regret forever?

All of this makes me start to resent my job; Where once I would have loved to be sent on a trip to some faraway place, now my stomach is in knots, worrying about how long I’ll be away and how much I’ll miss when I arrive. I’m there.

How can I find a happy medium?

Of,

first class fool

Dear first class fool,

It’s sometimes strange these days to hear that someone loves their job as much as you do, so let me start by saying how lucky you are to not be able to imagine a better job.

What strikes me most when reading your letter is that you don’t seem to have the right balance between personal and work life.

Whatever our jobs are, we get into trouble when we let that job take over the rest of our lives. Whether it’s the constant travel that comes with being a flight attendant or sitting at home all night working from our laptops, it’s key that we find the right balance.

From what I understand, flight attendants can choose how much they work, making a “bid” each month for their work schedule. You decide where you want to go and how many hours you would like to work before applying.

It seems to me that you don’t have the right balance and unless you commit to working fewer hours and visiting fewer places, it’s not just your romantic life that will suffer. All our relationships require work, whether friendship, family or romantic.

And you need to feel fulfilled in life, not just at work, in order to attract someone new.

My best advice is to reduce your hours, get a part-time job close to home if you need to supplement your income, and focus on your friends and family and, most importantly, your own happiness.

Whether it’s taking up new activities or hobbies, starting classes, or volunteering, you need to create a fulfilling and practical life.

Dear Jane,

I am a single mother of a 25 year old who is struggling to find her way in the world and I just don’t know how to give her the push she needs to be more independent.

My husband passed away very suddenly when my daughter was 15, and his death left us both devastated, but also brought us closer together.

We were lucky because my late husband made sure we were well taken care of for the rest of our lives, but now I’m starting to feel like that financial safety net is making my daughter even more reluctant to choose a path in life.

She decided not to go to college, a decision I didn’t fully understand, but which I supported anyway, and I hoped she would find a job that would satisfy her. Or she at least gave it some kind of purpose.

But instead, he’s spent the last seven years or so taking on and then abandoning odd jobs here and there, never approaching anything with enthusiasm or motivation.

She still lives at home, receives an allowance from me, and has never had to take on any kind of adult responsibility. I know it’s partly my fault for supporting her all these years, but now I fear I’ve destroyed her chance at a real life.

I want to be as supportive as possible and would hate for us to lose our close connection, but I also don’t want to be the reason for his complete lack of responsibility.

Do you think there’s a way to give her a nudge without interrupting her completely?

Of,

Authoritarian or overprotective

Dear authoritarian or overprotective:

Please listen to me when I tell you to stop giving him an allowance immediately. I understand your guilt over your husband’s death when she was so young, but you’re not doing her any favors, as you’re discovering.

I know how difficult it is, but our job as parents is not only to love our children, but to raise them to go out into the world as independent, self-sufficient adults. It’s time for your chick to fly the nest and I encourage you to support her on her journey to independence.

This means that you stop paying this subsidy. This will force her to get a job if she wants to continue enjoying her life. Once she has a job, I would swing the pendulum further and apply for rent. She is old enough to take responsibility for her life, and the longer you prevent that from happening by giving her everything she needs, the more you will clip her wings.

A close connection is lovely, but you will soon discover that you are not only hindering their life, but also your own. You have provided her with a more than adequate cushion and removing her allowance is the first step in launching her into the world. Give him a period of time to find a home of his own and respect that.

This is going to be hard for you, Mom, but keep it up. Nothing is better than watching your children thrive on their own in the world. It is good for you and, most importantly, necessary for her.