Dear Jane,
I have a dark and shameful secret that I must confess before it eats me alive.
A few weeks ago, I was running late for work. I got in my car and sped off down the driveway when I heard a squeal, followed by a creak. I knew immediately what had happened.
I would run over and kill my neighbor’s cat!
That pesky animal always runs out into the street, so it was just a matter of time before this happened, and honestly, this could have happened to anyone. I don’t even feel like it’s my fault, but the problem is that I couldn’t tell my neighbors.
They are a lovely family who have become very close to mine. They moved here five years ago and we both have young children.
Our daughters go to kindergarten together. My mother and I have coffee after dropping the kids off at school. We have cheese and wine nights with our husbands and play doubles together at the tennis club.
I hated the idea of telling my friend that I was the one who had killed her precious pet. And obviously, I couldn’t just leave the dead cat in our driveway, so I used a shovel to pick up the carcass and dumped it further down the street, making it look like another unfortunate soul had hit and run.
Dear Jane: I killed my neighbor’s cat in a horrible accident…
Her children are distraught. They can’t seem to stop crying and now my tennis partner is on a crusade to find out who “murdered” her cat, and says she will take legal action as soon as she finds out who is responsible. Everything has gotten out of hand.
I feel guilty. I haven’t even been able to tell my family because I’m so embarrassed.
I really want to fix the situation, but it’s probably too late to confess. Our relationship would never heal and the dynamic between neighbors would be VERY awkward.
I might even get in trouble with the law, for God’s sake!
Is there any way to fix this?
Of,
Cat killer
Dear cat killer,
I’m a little confused by the fact that you talk about being overwhelmed with guilt, and yet near the beginning of your letter you say that this was essentially an accident waiting to happen, that if it hadn’t been you, it would have been someone else.
International bestselling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers’ most burning issues in her column Dear Jane, the agony aunt
You describe your neighbors as close friends and loving family, so I wonder where your compassion is after you accidentally killed a beloved family pet whose death has left your close friends’ children distraught.
I think maybe it’s time for you to look in the mirror and think about that, instead of dwelling on the potential legal trouble you could be in.
As for that legal action your neighbor is threatening, she could actually sue you if she has evidence that you were the killer.
Each state handles these things differently. But, to give you peace of mind, the worst The result of a lawsuit would likely be compensation for the cost of replacing the animal.
I’m not sure there is a perfect way to solve this problem, but whenever I’m faced with a dilemma like this, I find the right answer is to find a solution that causes the least amount of harm to everyone involved.
Confessing may ease your guilt, but it will likely also blow up not only your friendship with your neighbor, but also the friendships between your respective children.
Instead of a confession, you might think of ways to ease their pain, perhaps even, when the time is right, surprising them with a new kitten as a way to help heal their hearts.
Dear Jane,
I am facing a moral dilemma at work.
I recently started a new job – it’s my first formal job since graduating from college and it’s in-person in the office, five days a week.
The first day at the office I noticed a truly horrible stench. I’m talking about body odor to the extreme!
It didn’t take me long to realize where the smell was coming from, because every time I passed a certain desk the stench became extremely strong.
The desk belongs to one of my coworkers who works in the same department as me.
She is a sweet woman, about 40 years old and quite normal looking. As far as I know, she is single and has no children.
I’ve only talked to her a few times, but during each conversation I’ve noticed that her breath also always stinks and her hair is usually very greasy.
The saddest thing is that other people in the office have definitely noticed – it would be almost impossible not to.
People often laugh when her name is mentioned. I saw one guy theatrically hold his nose as he walked past her desk. And I’ve even heard people make nasty comments about how “gross” she is.
I can’t tell my coworkers to stop, especially since I just started and I don’t want to cause trouble.
And I barely know the woman.
But do I have some kind of responsibility to tell her about the smell, woman to woman? To check if she’s okay? I’ve read that people with depression often don’t maintain proper hygiene.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Of,
Deodorant Defender
Dear Deodorant Advocate:
I’m not sure it’s your responsibility to tell this poor woman about her poor hygiene, even if you have the best of intentions.
You are not friends or confidants. You say you barely know each other, and while you may want to help, I can’t imagine anyone accepting such intimate information from a complete stranger.
I think it’s best, if the smell is really infiltrating the workplace, and if this is really an issue that others in the office are talking about, to bring it up with HR.
They are the ones who are most versed in handling sensitive issues. If necessary, it may be wise to ask some of your colleagues to join you in raising this issue with the office management. And be sure to also ask that their names remain anonymous.
You already know this, but this isn’t about pointing fingers or trying to shame someone for their poor hygiene, but rather the goal is to help solve the root problem that is causing the stench.
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