DEAR JANE: I HATE the horrible nickname my boyfriend gives me; he’s been using it for years and has no idea that my skin crawls EVERY time he says it.

Dear Jane,

First let me tell you that I love my boyfriend, I really do. He is so wonderful to me in every way possible, which makes me feel so horrible for even mentioning this, but I really need some advice.

When my boyfriend and I started dating about six years ago, we used to jokingly call each other all kinds of stupid nicknames. Donut, girls, jar of honey… anything we can think of that makes the other person laugh.

If any of us were having a bad day, that’s the joke we would resort to to make them forget about it.

That’s why I somehow missed it when my boyfriend introduced a real nickname that he’s been using every day since the first few months of our relationship. And I despite it.

For some reason, my skin crawls every time he says it. I find myself having to swallow my embarrassment before I can turn to look at him every time he says “pookie pie” across the room. Cake Cookies!

What kills me is that it may be the most ridiculous of all the nicknames we’ve jokingly exchanged, but somehow that’s the one that stuck.

At first, I really thought he was saying it to be funny, but I slowly realized (perhaps too late) that it wasn’t a joke and that he intended to keep using it. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of something so small, so I tried to get over it and accept it as another one of our sweet traditions.

But to this day, I can’t get over the disgust I feel every time he says it.

Our relationship is so wonderful in every other way, to the point that I now think he’s going to propose to me any day, but even that moment of joy is somewhat clouded by the fear that he might get down on one knee and say, ‘Pookie pie?’ Will you marry me?’

Is there any way I can tell him this without sounding crazy after all these years?

Of,

Nickname Nightmare

Dear Nickname Nightmare,

I sympathize with your disgust, but I have no idea why you’ve let this go on for so long without saying anything. I wonder what kept you from telling him that you don’t like him and that what started as a joke isn’t funny anymore.

Communication is the most important factor in the success of a relationship. Talking about the things that make us uncomfortable and the things we don’t like is crucial.

When we keep it to ourselves, worried about hurting someone, worried about other people’s feelings, we end up with a small mound of resentment, which grows and grows until it becomes an insurmountable mountain.

Say what you mean, mean what you say, don’t mean it.

Sit down with him and tell him that it was funny when it seemed ironic, but now he’s uncomfortable and you both need to find another name.

I wish you luck!