Dear Jane,
I’m so jealous of my mother that it’s ruining my life.
It sounds dramatic, but it has become the only thing I can think about and the obsession is seeping into every aspect of my life.
Three years ago, my mother met a younger man at the grocery store where she worked. At the time, he was 40 and she was 52. They are now happily married and she has become the most spoiled woman I know.
She was always slim and beautiful, but now she dresses head to toe in designer clothes and spends her days playing tennis and working out, all while receiving a huge allowance from her husband, which is more money than I make in a month.
He makes more than enough money to support them both, so she doesn’t have to worry about working a day in her life ever again. Instead, she can simply enjoy living in her beautiful mansion, where she never has to lift a finger, or embarking on one of her many trips abroad.
Dear Jane, My mother has a wonderful life and my jealousy towards her is destroying my own life. How can I get over it once and for all?
I should be happy for her. I know I am.
And I also know that she hasn’t done anything wrong. I should be thrilled that my mother has found happiness with a successful, generous, handsome, intelligent guy who is so in love with her. But the truth is, I can’t stand how happy they are.
Being around her makes me feel miserable about my own life. I’m single, overweight, struggling for money, and I despise that she has everything I so desperately want. Whenever we’re out together, I see people looking at her with envy and admiration, even lust, and it makes my blood boil.
Every time I’m with her, I think about all the things that are missing in my own life.
I have even gone as far as to say some very nasty things about her to her husband in an attempt to break them up, but every time I do so he just smiles at me and tells me to mind my own business.
International bestselling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers’ hottest issues in her Dear Jane column, the agony aunt
It seems so unfair that he fell in love with my mother instead of someone his own age, but no matter how hard I try to ignore these feelings, the anger eventually boils over and I want to scream.
How can I stop this unhealthy obsession?
Of,
Daughter in despair
Dear daughter in despair:
The problem with jealousy, with all kinds of unpleasant feelings like resentment and envy, is that allowing it to develop is like pouring yourself a bottle of poison but expecting the other person to get sick.
The only person you’re hurting here is yourself, and that’s no way to live. There will always be people who are better off, richer, who have an easier life than you, just as there will always be people who are worse off.
The only way to get rid of the toxic jealousy you feel is to change your focus and start feeling gratitude. As much as you think your life is shit, I urge you to focus on the things that work, that are good, and that bring you joy.
In fact, whenever you notice a negative thought about your mother coming to mind, I urge you to immediately think of three things you are grateful for.
Science has shown that gratitude transforms lives, particularly when we are programmed to fall into negativity.
Please find a therapist to help you sort this out.
This type of jealousy will never lead to happiness, and I suspect you need help on your journey to being grateful for what you have, and choosing to focus on the blessings rather than the burdens, which will lead to a happy life.
(tags to translate)dailymail