A couples therapist has revealed the best age to get married if you don’t want to get divorced.
Psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb from Los Angeles appeared on Dragons’ Den star Steven Bartlett’s The Diary of a CEO podcast to discuss relationships, dating and heartbreak.
The author of the New York Times bestseller Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, cites a study by Department of Family Studies who said there is an optimal age to get married to statistically avoid divorce.
The study claimed that the best time to marry is around age 25-30, saying that “someone who marries at 25 is over 50 percent less likely to divorce than someone who marries at the age of 20.”
The psychotherapist explained: ‘It’s obvious to marry too young that you don’t have the skills and you’re not established in your own life, you don’t necessarily have the maturity.
Couples therapist Lori Gottlieb, from Los Angeles, (pictured) reveals the best age to get married if you don’t want to get divorced
‘But once you get into your mid to late 20s, that’s an optimal time because you have a better sense of who you are. You know more about what you want and you can grow together as a couple.’
She continued: ‘You will have more shared experiences and you will know more about each other. Your parents are probably still alive on either side, you can get to know siblings, more integrated in each other’s lives.’
The study also found that before age 32, each additional year of age reduces the odds of divorce by 11 percent. But after that, the odds of divorce increase by 5 percent per year.
Lori explained: ‘When you get older you’re more set in your ways, you’re more rigid, you have different expectations, when you’re younger you’re more flexible. We become less open about relationships as we get older.
‘We also have a history as we get older, we have more negative experiences of maybe being broken up with. Relationships that didn’t work out then inform the way we behave in other relationships.
She continued: ‘We’re punishing our current partner for a crime they didn’t commit, so if you were in a relationship before where someone didn’t treat you well, then you trust the partner you’re with less.
“Some people think ‘if I have more dating experience then I’ll be a better partner later’, but it’s harder because you have all this baggage and the other person your age has all the baggage they bring . ‘
Elsewhere, Lori revealed that people are increasingly setting unrealistic expectations when looking for a partner.
The psychotherapist appeared on Dragons’ Den star Steven Bartlett’s (pictured) The Diary of a CEO podcast to discuss relationships, dating and heartbreak
The psychotherapist said that most people give up after a date because they “didn’t feel a first spark”, but she revealed that most people in long-term relationships also didn’t feel a spark on the first date.
She said: ‘It’s really interesting that people use the first date as a guide when people who are in love and attracted to each other often didn’t feel those sparks on the first, two or three dates, maybe they were even friends for a while.
‘People don’t give each other the chance to get to know the other person or let the other person get to know you because they have the implication, thanks to dating apps, that there are so many more people out there.
‘If you keep juggling people, you’re never going to get to know someone and know if that person is someone you want to be with.
‘The question you ask yourself at the end of a first date should be ‘did I have a good time’, if the answer is yes then go on another date, it doesn’t have to be life changing, just see what happens the second time. ‘
The author added that relationship expectations are different for both men and women.
She said: ‘I think expectations for men are mostly built around looks, for the younger generation, especially because they grow up on these ‘thirst traps’ that are put out on social media that have been filtered . So when they see people in real life, they have really unrealistic expectations.’