The stigma women face for choosing not to have children is so powerful that some would benefit from therapy, according to one expert.
Hayley Watkins, 42, is a psychotherapeutic counselor living in Bristol who has herself decided not to have children.
Partly because of the negative experiences she herself has suffered, she will lead a counseling group for women in her position to meet and discuss their lifestyles.
Called Cactus Counselling, Hayley will lead the Bristol-based national therapy group from this month.
The cluster comes as birth rates in England and Wales have fallen to their lowest level since the 1930s, which is when comparable records began.
Psychotherapeutic counselor Hayley Watkins (pictured) says the stigma against some women for not having children is so powerful they could benefit from therapy.
There has been a long-term trend of people choosing to have children later in life and have smaller families..
However, even though statistics show it is increasingly common for women to be childless, some still face stigma, according to counselor Hayley.
Hayley told FEMAIL that she hopes Cactus Counseling is a space where women can validate their choices and feel supported.
He added that people are just starting to get used to the idea of living child-free lifestyles, and that this may threaten the norm.
Therefore, in addition to supporting women in their space, she wants to assure them that they ‘do not disappoint’ their parents who will not be grandparents.
According to Hayley, choosing not to have children is an alternative lifestyle and not a problem that needs to be solved.
Speaking about her own feelings on the subject, she said she knew from a young age that she didn’t want to have her own children; It was a premonition.
When she was five, Hayley says she remembers talking about having children and knowing she wouldn’t want them.
While having children remains the norm, the number of women without children has been decreasing in recent years (file image)
And although some people laughed at her and said she would change her mind, this has not been the case.
Hayley said there are a variety of reasons why women choose not to have children, including changing environmental, economic and social factors.
Another reason she highlighted was the physical impact of pregnancy and childbirth, which in some cases can cause lifelong bodily trauma.
She said: “There’s a spiritual narrative around childbirth and pregnancy that says it’s wonderful and beautiful and it’s really not – it’s just biology.”
He noted that while it is “impossible to know how much people think about these things,” he has heard people tell him, “You get married, buy a house and your kids, just because that’s what you do.”
But when it comes to not having children, she said people are often “less amenable about doing the usual things, especially because they are more aware of the potential problems facing any children they may have.”
He explained: ‘We have entered a period of time where we are very aware of mental health and the impact of certain environments.
“We’re seeing more gentle parenting, but we’re in a really funny place with that, where we haven’t figured out how to do it right.”
“So parents run the risk of having children who, for example, don’t understand boundaries well.”
Additionally, people may choose to direct a maternal or nurturing instinct in a different direction.
For example, according to Hayley, as a therapist, she works as a kind of “pseudo” mother.
Additionally, current economic conditions make raising children more difficult, as few couples can afford to have a full-time father, with only one person working.
And there are also a number of people who choose not to have children simply because they think they would be poor parents, and Hayley says she can relate to this.
She explained, “As much as I want people to grow up with a sense of caring and empathy, and to feel ready for the world… I don’t think I can provide that.”
On top of this, Hayley noted that she “really needs peace.”
You’re not alone in this: researchers at Queen’s University Belfast estimate that between 20 and 23 per cent of the Western adult population are childless.
But even though figures show that the choice not to have children is becoming more common, recent research suggests that people who do not have children are viewed less favorably than others,” according to Dr. Tanja Gerlach, professor of social psychology. and personality at Queen’s University Belfast. the times.
He added that people without children may find that they are treated differently than their parents in various areas of their lives.
For example, those who do not have to care for children may find that they are expected to work longer hours.
Another example given by Dr. Gerlach was the housing sector: landlords may prefer tenants with children.
Family relationships can also be strained, she said, noting that this is most commonly reported in “accounts from childless women, who report that sometimes their choice is not taken seriously, or is questioned or criticized.”
“These interactions can be so unpleasant that some women choose to hide their childless identity by implying that they cannot have children or plan to have children later in life,” Dr. Gerlach said.
Women who decide not to have children are often described as selfish, or told that they will change their minds as they get older or “when they meet the right man.”
In addition to the growing number of women without children, those who have children are choosing to have smaller families, according to the ONS.
Mothers now have an average of 1.92 children, lower than the 2.08 of their mothers’ generation.
Families with two children remain the most common family size (37 percent); However, this is a decrease in the proportion of those who have two children compared to their mothers’ generation born in 1949 (44 percent).
The ONS said: “While the average family size has decreased, families with two children remain the most common family size in both generations: 37 per cent of women born in 1975 and 44 per cent of born in 1949, they have two children”.
“For those born in 1975, 27 percent had three or more children and 17 percent had only one child, compared to 30 percent and 13 percent, respectively, for their mothers’ generation.” .
However, while these statistics show that the number of childless women is increasing, it is still the norm for women to start a family.
“(Some people have children) and then they feel alive and rich and meaningful and fulfilled, and that’s wonderful,” Hayley said.
But he added: ‘I firmly believe it’s important to think about it enough… and consider, ‘What do I want from parenthood?’ before you go ahead with it.’