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Two leading psychologists have revealed the signs you might be dating a narcissist and what you can do about it.
Speaking exclusively to FEMAIL, British psychotherapists Helen Villiers and Katie Mckenna, authors of You’re Not The Problem and hosts of the hit podcast In Sight, revealed how you can tell if someone close to you is a narcissist.
“Narcissistic is a buzzword these days,” Helen said. ‘Not everyone can be a narcissist!
‘There is some truth in that, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a serious mental health condition that is defined by a number of characteristics, the main five being grandiosity, entitlement, exploitation, motivational empathy and impaired self-awareness .
“Most importantly, however, NPD is differentiated from other personality disorders by evidence showing that people who suffer from it intend to cause harm to their loved ones.”
But how do you know if someone around you is narcissistic or not? Here are five signs you might be dealing with a narcissist.
Speaking exclusively to FEMAIL, Helen Villiers and Katie Mckenna (pictured), psychotherapists authors of You’re Not The Problem and hosts of the hit podcast In Sight, revealed how you can tell if a loved one has this disorder.
1. They make everything about them.
‘Whatever you’re talking about, you’ve somehow ended up talking about them and how brilliant they are, or maybe it’s an event celebrating someone else (wedding, birthday, graduation) and they become the center of attention , whether by faking an illness. , or making demands beyond reason and then getting angry when they are not met.
“The narcissist will make sure that he is always in the center of attention, whether because he is angry about some perceived slight, or sad about the same, or because he suddenly suffers from a mysterious illness from which he immediately recovers from the moment he is told. suffers.” We have already received enough attention or someone suggests calling emergency services.
‘God forbid they go away and not get more attention!’
2. If you have been to Tenerife, they have been to Elevenerife
‘Whatever adventure, achievement, friend or job you’ve had, they’ve done it but they did it better.
“They surpass everything you’ve done, and if they can’t match it, they will devalue yours.”
“They always have to be the best at everything, or if they’re not the best, it will be because it was an active choice not to be, and they will degrade what you’ve done that makes you ‘better’ than them.”
3. If they want something, they will have it regardless of how it affects others.
‘Imagine you and a coworker are up for a promotion, do you put your head down and work, show your skills and ability for the position?
‘Or do you sabotage your coworker, take credit for their work, make them look incapable, become best friends with the person promoting you?
‘Narcissists will take what they want just because they want it.
‘Nor will they think of using other people to get that thing. They may want time, work, money, energy, anything you can imagine, and they will do everything they can to get it, without caring how it affects the person they are exploiting to do it.
‘And if you call them, or God forbid, tell them no, you will provoke something called “narcissistic rage”, which can be strong and angry or quiet, seething resentment and you will probably be subject to something called a smear campaign.
“This is where they tell everyone how horrible you are, either out loud or in a way that presents them as the victim of the situation.”
The couple, who have a successful podcast, warned that if you try to report a narcissist, they will most likely snap back and get angry.
4. They are the victim in every story, it is never their fault.
‘Listen carefully as they tell their stories.
‘Is it everyone else’s fault that xyz happened?’ The narcissist will always paint a picture in which he is the saint and everyone else is evil.
‘They never take responsibility for anything, offer false apologies and use different emotionally abusive behaviors to silence people or avoid responsibility. There can often be a false acceptance of responsibility, but listen carefully to the justification for why it is not your fault.
“If someone really wants to apologize, they would say, ‘I did this and I shouldn’t have done it, I’m sorry I hurt you, I won’t do it again’ and they don’t.
‘They can explain why they did what they did and they can explain that there was no bad intention, but they will still accept that they did something that hurt someone else.
‘The narcissist will say, “I’m sorry you feel that way, I didn’t mean to, it’s because xyz happened so it’s not my fault.” There is a big difference!’
5. They make you feel bad for holding them responsible
‘Motivational empathy is the cornerstone of how a narcissist escapes responsibility.
‘They will use your empathy towards them to prevent you from challenging them. “Oh, then I’m the worst person in the world” “I should give up, I’m so useless” (veiled suicide threats are very common and should be responded to with “I’m going to call 911”). “services” because if they need them, they will get them, but if they are being manipulated, the manipulation will be exposed.
‘It could also be “After everything I’ve done for you, can’t you do x for me?”, “You’re so mean to me.” or “I just don’t know how I’m going to pay my bills this month, I’m so stressed I can’t even afford to eat…” to prompt you to offer them money, because what kind of person would allow another to go hungry?
‘NPD is much bigger than these behaviors, and we are not suggesting for a second that this can be used to diagnose someone. But all of these behaviors are toxic and aimed at making the narcissist feel like the most important person in the world.’
