When Joe Tracini was asked about his relationship with his famous father Joe Pasquale in a new documentary, he revealed that it is “very complicated.”
Joe, 35, was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) ten years ago, a condition that causes intense, unstable emotions, chronic insecurity and intrusive thoughts.
In new Channel 4 documentary Me And The Voice Inside My Head, Joe desperately tries to better understand his condition after feeling the “worst” he has ever had in his life.
The Hollyoaks actor visits Kate, a professor of clinical psychology in Edinburgh, who advises him to remember his own childhood.
As part of this, she begins to explore her relationship with her father Joe Pasquale, a comedian and winner of the 2004 series I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!
I’m a Celebrity winner Joe Pasquale talks to his son Joe Tracini in new Channel 4 documentary Me And The Voice Inside My Head
As a teenager, Joe’s struggles with BPD led him to battle a severe drug addiction, and he left home for weeks at a time.
Speaking in the documentary, Pasquale, 62, admitted that he partly felt “guilty” for Joe’s struggles, but still saw BPD only as a matter of “seeing things differently.”
He told his son: ‘You didn’t come home for weeks and weeks and you made some decisions that weren’t good for you.
“I denied it for a long time, but it shouldn’t have gotten to that point. I should have stopped it sooner and I didn’t. I was too busy working if I’m honest.
‘Feels horrible. Every time the phone rings, I keep thinking oh shit. There is a part of you that is very dark inside and wants to end this. I don’t have that in me and I wish you didn’t have it in you.
‘For me, I’m going to do what I did wrong to adopt that lifestyle of not wanting to be here.’
Some studies suggest that 50 percent of people with BPD can improve, and therapist Kate suggested that looking at Joe’s childhood could be a way to begin long-term therapy.
But Joe was frustrated when his father, despite trying to be understanding, said: ‘There’s nothing more wrong with you than with me. I just see it differently than you.’
Joe begins to remember his childhood, including his complicated relationship with his famous father (pictured together).
Pasquale admitted that he had been absent for much of Joe’s childhood due to work.
Joe’s father is comedian and I’m A Celebrity winner Joe Pasquale, who admitted he felt “guilty” about Joe’s struggles.
Joe Pasquale is pictured after winning I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! in 2004
Speaking in the car after their meeting, Joe confessed: “I’d like it to be a bit like ‘oh, you’re mentally ill and that’s not an option.'”
“Because I have a mental illness and that’s not an option.”
As a child, Joe said he began performing with his father at the age of three, which sparked his lifelong love of performing and being on stage.
“Most of my childhood was spent traveling with Dad or waiting to be traveling with Dad,” he explained.
Pasquale himself continues to perform and has been a comedian for over 40 years.
There is no clear cause of BPD, but it is thought that it may be due to a combination of genetic and environmental factors. Many of those with this condition will have experienced some form of trauma at a young age.
In the documentary, Joe implied that he himself experienced a traumatic event similar to sexual abuse, which affected him to the point that he “doesn’t talk about it.”
Delving into his childhood, Joe remembered that when he was around seven or eight years old, a man had told him to take off his clothes.
Joe appears in the documentary along with another image of him, whom he calls ‘Mick’ and which represents the voice inside his head.
Joe appeared in Hollyoaks (pictured) as Dennis Savage from 2011 to 2014.
As he broke down in tears, he recalled that the heartbreaking incident involved “dice” and the different numbers thrown meant he was forced to do different things.
“I was devastated, not just for myself, but for the people and stuff,” he reflected.
Joe Tracini is best known for playing Dennis Savage on Hollyoaks from 2011 to 2014.
In the documentary, produced by Hungry Bear, Joe introduces the viewer to Mick, the voice inside his head that constantly wants to hurt him.
Every time Joe is having a good day or feeling more positive, ‘Mick’ starts shouting intrusive thoughts at him that leave him unable to continue.
BPD has caused him to struggle with addiction and panic attacks that have ended his comedy career. He confessed that he has attempted suicide six times and that suicidal thoughts are common for him.
Joe is exploring his BPD diagnosis for Channel 4’s Me And The Voice Inside My Head
Joe even had trouble answering a simple question posed to him by the producers, causing him to burst into tears from the effort.
“I live with something called borderline personality disorder and one of the symptoms for me is that I think about suicide a lot,” he explains in the program.
As a child, Joe spent much of his time alone trying to learn how to be a magician. But he stopped loving him at the age of 16 and “filled the void” by using drugs.
“As soon as I quit drugs, I started drinking,” he added.
Now 11 years sober, the documentary also explores Joe’s first attempt to return to performing on stage after a panic attack forced him to cancel a show five minutes before it was to begin.
In a tremendously brave move, Joe manages to perform his one-man show at Norwich Playhouse to raise awareness of BPD in front of 300 people.
Elsewhere in the documentary, Joe speaks to his family, loved ones and BPD experts to better understand his condition and try to make his life more bearable, although Mick is never far away.
Joe was supported by a psychologist during the making of the film and will continue to receive support after the show airs.
He previously opened up about his mental health in his book Ten Things I Hate About Myself.
Joe Tracini: Me and the Voice Inside My Head is now on Channel 4.
If you have been affected by this story, you can call Samaritans on 116 123 or visit www.samaritans.org.
