Love Actually star Marcus Brigstoke has revealed he “fell down a hole” while battling a “toxic” addiction to pornography.
The actor and comedian, 51, who played radio DJ Mikey in the 2003 film, shared his difficult journey to recovery in a candid interview.
Speaking with host Ben Branson on The Hidden 20% On the podcast, Marcus shared that while he had overcome previous battles with drug and alcohol addiction when he was 17, he experienced a “very, very dramatic” body change, losing 30 pounds in nine months.
But it was after the decline of his first marriage to Sophie Prideaux that his porn addiction came to light, and the couple split in 2013 when it was revealed he had been having an affair with co-star Hayley Tamaddon.
He said: ‘So I just carried the mass of that with me, and that led to a lot of very dysfunctional behaviors that I was in denial about.
Love Actually star Marcus Brigstoke has revealed he ‘fell into a hole’ while battling a ‘toxic’ porn addiction (pictured from the film)
The actor and comedian is best known for his role as radio DJ Mikey in the 2003 film and, in a new interview, he has shared his difficult journey to recovery.
‘And so I stayed sober because of drugs, alcohol and my binge eating disorder, but I became addicted to porn. And I really had no idea that I was addicted to it. You know, I thought I’d watched a normal amount of porn.
‘The normal amount of porn today is not a normal amount of porn. Long before the Internet.
‘So the addicts who now have a pornography addiction, most of them were addicted from the age of 11 or so to something that no one knows, that changes their brain chemistry.
‘Like it profoundly alters your brain chemistry. And it is not necessary to approach anyone to achieve it. And there are so many people with different levels of porn addiction. But pornography is the most toxic and is changing many young men.
“So all of that had happened more or less underneath and it had been this, this hole that I had fallen into and it had been a very acceptable addiction to me.
“No one knew, I didn’t feel particularly embarrassed because I wasn’t hurting anyone. And it’s what men do anyway.
‘Because listen (I thought), I don’t drink or take drugs. I’m careful with food. And I’m on tour a lot, right? I’m only in hotel rooms, I’m not being a creep here.
‘You know, I’m alone. And then, you know, I use my phone or whatever, and then daylight comes out and I’ve been looking at it all night. All night long. And you wonder who that is then, what kind of life is that?’
Marcus explained that it was after the decline of his first marriage to Sophie Prideaux that his addiction to porn emerged.
Marcus split from Sophie in 2013 when it was revealed he had had an affair with co-star Hayley Tamaddon (pictured).
‘And the answer is simply not the one I want to have. Then I stopped. Yes, I stopped and had it, it has been a great relief. It was a huge relief when I went to get help, I didn’t expect to never watch porn again.
‘That wasn’t why I was there. And when that was first suggested to me, I was like, “Oh, no, come on, I have a list of things I don’t do.”
‘And after four months I thought, oh, I feel so much better. My brain has clarity. There is peace and I don’t feel ashamed, you know?
When asked why he decided to speak publicly about his addiction, Mark added: “When I started recovering from my addiction, I was very young, but I didn’t know there was anyone else like me.
“I didn’t know that there was someone else who, for example, had eaten food out of bins, who had stolen from people that he loved and was close to them and looked them straight in the eye and said: no, no.
‘And given the look on his face, you asking me this is so hurtful and you’re such a bad person for asking me about what we both know I did.
‘So when I went into recovery (…) And you go and you’re crying and you say ‘I ate out of a container’ and someone said, yes, me too. And you say, what?
And then you realize that keeping things a secret, I mean, for addicts, will just kill you. It literally kills you. I’ve known many friends who got back out there and getting back out means getting back into their addiction.
‘And they died. He killed them. So I learned when I was very, very young to be open when appropriate. I learned, a little late, where I should not be open, where it is not safe or prudent.
When asked why he decided to speak publicly about his addiction, Mark added that there are “a lot of men” who need help.
‘And so, I’ve learned that you need secrets from the world, it’s really important, keep your things. You know, he says while talking about being a porn addict. But I mean, whatever.
“There are so many men who need help with that thing, and the only reason I’m willing to have people say ‘Urghh, what a dirty whore’ is because I really hope that anyone who listens to this and says, sometimes I look at things and Then I don’t feel good, then I look for help because (you should) feel good and you deserve it.
“So that thing about not having a lie that comes between you and anyone who is important to you has become essential to me.”
Marcus also previously shared that when he was sent to boarding school at a young age, his overeating issues began to manifest, but doctors ignored his concerns.
In a 2011 interview, he said: ‘If I’m honest, I still feel some resentment about that. there is one particular doctor, nutrition expert disorders, who would referee the fights? between my parents and me.
‘They were Always being summoned to school when I had been caught behaving scandalously. This man threatened to wire my jaw. close. He said, “You see, Marcus, the The problem is that you are terribly fat.”
‘Did you imagine I didn’t know that? I would lie on my bedroom bed and grab to little pieces of my body, wanting to tear them off off.’
In 2013, Marcus divorced his first wife, Sophie, after it was revealed that he had cheated on her.
Sophie Brigstocke discovered her husband of 12 years was cheating on her a month after he wrote a gushing first-person article in a national newspaper, enthusiastically describing their family life.
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