CHRISTOPHER STEVENS: £280 for a box of chocolate milk? That’s a cut on a billion pounds Bond Street

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Billion Pound Bond Street

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The hotel inspector

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A warning. Should you be invited to Sandringham on Boxing Day – and why not daydream about these things? – don’t loot the Queen’s Christmas chocolate.

Earlier this year, her oldest friend, Lady In Waiting Emeritus Pamela Hicks, revealed that Her Majesty likes to have two boxes on hand… one to share, and one all for herself.

Now Adam Lee, chef chocolatier at Charbonnel et Walker (“by royal appointment”), has revealed the royal sweet tooth’s preferences, on Billion Pound Bond Street (ITV).

He shouldn’t reveal her favorites directly, he said.

Then, with reckless indiscretion, he beckoned the camera to the counter: “Our two most popular chocolates are rose and violet cream. I never said a word!’

Now Adam Lee, chef chocolatier at Charbonnel et Walker ('by royal appointment'), has revealed the preferences of the royal sweet tooth, on Billion Pound Bond Street

Now Adam Lee, chef chocolatier at Charbonnel et Walker (‘by royal appointment’), has revealed the preferences of the royal sweet tooth, on Billion Pound Bond Street

This whole hour was as sweet and insignificant as a violet cream. It dissolved on the tongue and left nothing but a sickly feeling.

Filmmaker Michael Waldman, who showed us a similar three-part look at Monaco’s moneybags last year, strolled up and down Bond Street in the West End, eyeing the store displays.

At Boodles jewelry store, Michael oohte and aahed over a teardrop diamond as pretty as a Hollywood star’s nose—that is, it was probably bigger once, but now it was cut to the perfect design.

The gem was pink, the signature color of Boodles.

Angry shot of the evening:

Entrepreneur Tom walked into the Dragons’ Den (BBC1) with bottles of fancy rum with 65 percent alcohol.

“It’s blowing my socks off,” Sara Davies muttered as the Daiquiris were served.

Tom landed a tasty deal.

That’s the way to do it.

Director Nicholas Wainwright wears a pink tie and matching handkerchief. Even his underwear is pink, as he proved by showing off his boxers.

What’s your saying – money can’t buy class? It can’t buy anything on Bond Street unless you have a ridiculous amount of it. The rents amount to € 2 million per year. At the auction house, a print by Banksy (a print, mark you, not an original artwork) cost £330,000.

Even the lumpy stuffed iguana in the window of Shapero’s Rare Books will cost you £950. It looks grotesque as if the taxidermist has filled it with a few squirts of insulating foam.

If you’re too tough to afford that £3.2 million powder pink diamond, the best thing you can do is treat yourself to a £280 box of chocolates from C&W.

Better not ask for the photo of the stern lady opposite the door, though.

She is founder Madame Charbonnel, allegedly the Parisian lover of Edward VII.

‘She’s not the best truffle out of the box, is she? Let’s be honest!’ says Mr. Lee.

The rudest woman on TV, Alex Polizzi, said much the same about the innkeeper Yvonne’s wife at the Coach And Horses in South Perrott, Dorset, on The hotel inspector (C5).

‘Yvonne could use a little more support in the thorax area,’ she mused, referring to a certain sagging between throat and navel.

I felt for Yvonne. She had put her savings into this hotel, which even before the lockdown had so few guests that she spent her afternoons watching Netflix shows at the reception.

She was married to one of those guys that takes forever on projects he never finishes, so their parking lot looked like the aftermath of a traveler camp.

Hubby James was constantly sweating, wiping it off with the bar towels. “You guys are about as bad as owners as I’ve ever been,” Alex told them.

The unspoken agreement about these shows is that owners get a roster in exchange for the free publicity when their business is reinvented as something attractive and inviting.

This time, the Coach’s shortcomings were so obnoxious, and the improvements so superficial, that I’m afraid the program did not please James and Yvonne at all.

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