Rich, flavorful and cooked to perfection, the meatloaf my friend had made me was delicious and melted in your mouth.
Suspected appendicitis had led to a period in hospital where NHS food had been almost as painful to endure as my condition, so eating something so tasty was heavenly.
The friend who had given me such a restorative meal was not limited to the kitchen either. In my first weeks of convalescence there were worried phone calls and regular visits. As a busy professional woman with a tight schedule, I was deeply moved and grateful for everything she did.
The help he offered me when I was sick was so considerable that it is even more disconcerting that he seems to disappear without a trace every time I have something to celebrate.
I don’t remember a single instance in our long-term friendship where she has ever paid me a compliment, offered me congratulations, or simply allowed me to cheer myself up a little to boost my confidence.
I believe such behavior is fueled by jealousy and insecurity, toxic emotions that press lips together and make the simplest “well done” impossible to say, writes Angela Epstein.
Their silence on these matters has become deafening. Whether it’s a minor issue (a new haircut) or a more important victory, like successfully debating a thorny issue on television (I work as a journalist and broadcaster), she is nowhere to be seen.
I’ve experienced so many occasions where women (sorry, but it’s always women) put on a big show of friendliness and friendliness, but melt with the dawn instead of offering a genuinely pleased response to something positive. .
Perhaps this makes me seem needy, that I seek validation from my friends and must be the center of attention.
Honestly, I’ve thought about it seriously and that’s not it. I just don’t see how a friendship can be complete and true if you don’t acknowledge the good things in someone’s life as well as the unfortunate ones.
I remember participating in a big charity comedy event that was a huge success. It had meant a lot of hard work, but the next day I felt elated and proud of my contribution, until someone took the shine off me.
A group of women I knew were talking about it. They were complimentary except one who was a habitual offender. I waited for her to say something, anything. But I didn’t get anything. She just shut down the conversation as soon as I started talking.
I shouldn’t have let his behavior get to me, but I felt crushed. I wanted to tell her that my success didn’t mean there was less for everyone, that just because I accomplished something didn’t mean she couldn’t do it.
It also happens with more casual acquaintances. At one place I worked, whenever I returned from a vacation, a colleague used to make sure she never asked about my trip.
Imagine the utter discomfort of that for a moment. Despite, say, a two-week absence, she decidedly said nothing about my time away, not even a quick “I hope you had a great time.” Once, just for fun, I tried to make her blush by making a self-deprecating joke about my over-exuberance with fake tan. Tight-lipped misery guts just scoffed and told me that she should be more careful next time!
After that, I decided it wasn’t worth trying to get along with her and maintained a quiet but polite working relationship.
Why do women behave this way? The answer is based on an observation that my late mother used to make whenever she complained to me about such situations. “Angie,” she told me, “it’s harder to be a friend in good times than in bad.”
Not because she was cynical did she want to see the good in people but, in her wisdom, she understood the fragility of the human condition.
I think that behavior is fueled by jealousy and insecurity, toxic emotions that press lips together and make the simplest “well done” impossible to say.
So is it simply that these women are terribly evil? No. Many of my friends are warm, wonderful, and loyal.
I think that behavior is fueled by jealousy and insecurity, toxic emotions that press lips together and make the simplest “well done” impossible to say. Behavior like this destroys the received feminist wisdom of the so-called caring sisterhood. It may be all the girls together, but only when it’s convenient.
One of my best friends is always very amused by the antics of a woman she knows and who always remembers key dates in her life. Every year, for example, she texts my friend on the anniversary of her father’s death.
Considered. However, he didn’t say anything when her friend’s daughter got engaged.
When times are dark we need all the support we can get and I have benefited from the incredible friends who have rushed to my side. I’m lucky because many are genuine, their compassion and kindness compounded by the fact that they are equally excited when the news is good.
As for others, I’ve realized that being there for a friend in bad times isn’t entirely altruistic: it’s a way to show others that they’re a great person.
For those people, there is nothing to be gained by congratulating or giving a compliment, except to make the recipient feel even happier. That’s why, no matter how welcome and delicious my friend’s meatloaf is, her inability to ever rejoice at my good news will always leave a bad taste in her mouth.