Martini musician Justin Timberlake’s eyes were redder than Satan’s fly in that infamous mug shot taken after he was charged Tuesday with drunk driving.
It’s bringing sloppy back!
Now the former Mickey Mouse clubber is embroiled in a growing scandal that threatens to ruin his reputation like it ruined poor Britney Spears.
And the more we learn about JT’s arrest for driving while an idiot, the more it seems like we’re dealing with a failed idiot who lacks the good sense to know when to quit.
In fact, he’s starting to remind me of another broken-down moron who won’t accept the signal to exit stage left. (Hint: his initials are JRB)
Witnesses at a trendy Hamptons gin joint where the 43-year-old was drinking claim the singer was “intoxicated” and began drinking someone else’s drink like a homeless man rummaging through a restaurant’s dumpster.
That’s normal for Joey Fatone’s better half. In 2014, Justin told Oprah that he once hit a bottle of whiskey alone, and in 2019, the married dad and aspiring D-list actor was seen canoodling with actress Alisha Wainwright at a New Orleans club.
The more we learn about JT’s arrest for idiot driving, the more he seems to be a washed-up moron without the good sense to know when to quit.
Martini musician Justin Timberlake’s eyes were redder than Satan’s fly in an infamous mug shot taken after he was charged Tuesday with drunk driving.
With his fedora in hand, Touchy-Timby apologized on social media, writing: “I showed a serious error in judgment…”
Well, Bill Clinton.
“But let me be clear: nothing happened between my co-star and I,” Justin wrote. “I drank too much that night and I regret my behavior.”
Okay, but here’s why Mr. NSYNC ended up being N’CUFFS on Tuesday.
Instead of hailing a cab or calling his wife Jessica Biel to pick him up (like a high school student who just threw up his first gin, tequila, or vodka daiquiri), Timberlake got behind the wheel of his $100,000 BMW Dollars.
Cops put the steel bracelets on him after he allegedly ran a stop sign, swerved and drunkenly moonwalked during a field sobriety test.
“I had a martini and followed my friends home,” Tipsy-Flake told the officer, according to the police report.
Good, Justin. And when you exposed Janet Jackson’s boobs to all of God-fearing America during the Super Bowl XXXVIII halftime show, it was simply a “wardrobe malfunction.”
And remember when Britney Spears claimed in her memoir that Justin forced her to abort a baby she wanted to keep? Maybe now she’ll stop the knife juggling long enough to title her next Insta post, ‘Karma’s ab****.’
To make matters worse, the young cop who dragged Timberlake to jail apparently didn’t even know who he was!
“This is going to ruin the tour,” JT allegedly muttered under his breath.
‘What tour?’ the officer responded.
HA! Justin and J.Lo should go on tour together. call him the This is us… Remember? route.
In 2014, Justin told Oprah that he once hit a bottle of whiskey neat. (Above) Timberlake in Brisbane, Australia, during his 2007
Witnesses at a trendy Hamptons gin joint (above) where the 43-year-old was drinking claim the singer was “intoxicated” and began drinking someone else’s drink like a homeless man rummaging through a restaurant’s trash bin. .
Good, Justin. And when you exposed Janet Jackson’s boobs to all of God-fearing America during the Super Bowl XXXVIII halftime show, it was simply a “wardrobe malfunction.”
Almost as pathetic are the pseudo-celebrity journalists who rushed to Timberlake’s defense.
‘He is not an irresponsible person. He’s not reckless or careless,” CBS’s Gayle King sneered.
Not to be outdone, king of narcissists Chris Cuomo complained about the “negativity” of media coverage.
All this North Korean-style propaganda would make White House press secretary Karine Jean Pierre blush.
He wants Americans to believe that those moments caught on camera of President Joe Biden pacing, shuffling, sniffing and freezing are simply ‘cheap fakes,’ deceptively edited to make Grandpa Joe look weaker than he appears. really is.
But there’s nothing far-fetched about Timberlake supposedly drinking a lake and getting behind the wheel. And there’s nothing disingenuous about Biden falling asleep like Nana, checking the names of the dead, and falling down the stairs of Air Force One.
In the immortal words of Don Lemon: Joe and Justin are past their ‘prime’.
If these aging icons don’t get the hook soon, they will only be remembered for the humiliating twilight years rather than their greatest hits.
Hello guys, bye, bye, bye.
THE 9TH RING OF BELICHICK?
A newly revealed video showed a nearly naked 72-year-old Bill Belichick leaving his 24-year-old cheerleader girlfriend’s house like a Chippendale.
I know old Foxborough, with 8 Super Bowl rings on his burly paw, is a legend in cold Boston, but this is too much for the stomach.
Was Billy’s bulging belly spilling over his belt?
I wonder what this brunette babe sees in him.
Hear wedding bells.
Hear bells for dinner.
I know old Foxborough, with 8 Super Bowl rings on his burly paw, is a legend in cold Boston, but this is too much for the stomach.
Was Billy’s bulging belly spilling over his belt? I wonder what this brunette babe sees in him.
SPIT ON A PLANE
A married couple faced a shower of spit on a flight to Denver this week when an adorable disease vector in the seat in front of them kept throwing raspberries covering their faces with preschool lice.
They asked the unruly little monster’s parents to restrain her, but the timid mother said she couldn’t restrain her Spit-zilla.
I never thought I’d say this, but where is Anthony Fauci? Put a mask mandate on that little terror!
HILLARY’S GOLDEN PARACHUTE
Hillary Clinton officially left her pantsuit period and entered her Moomoo environment.
America’s first female quasi-president appeared on stage at the Tony Awards on Sunday in a gold caftan so enormous and hideous that a horde of anti-Israel protesters could have camped out beneath it.
Hillary’s health experts have long diagnosed the former Secretary of State from afar, but are now convinced she has gone blind.
America’s first female quasi-president appeared on stage at the Tony Awards on Sunday in a gold caftan so enormous and hideous that a horde of anti-Israel protesters could have camped beneath it.
TORTURED DANCER DEPARTMENT
At a recent Eras concert, Seinfeld’s Elaine, aka Taylor Swift, tried to shake him off by gyrating her hips on stage and looking like she was mixing formaldehyde for her own embalming.
Don’t worry grandma, don’t break your hip!
ARRESTED!
Anti-vaxxer Kristin Cavallari is now taking heat from fans for embracing modern medicine.
In 2022, the reality TV star told fans she had a breast ‘lift’ when asked if her assets were real.
But this week the Laguna Beach student finally revealed that she, too, had opted for implants.
In 2022, the reality TV star told fans she had a breast ‘lift’, but this week the Laguna Beach alum revealed she also opted for implants.
Perhaps Cavallari decided that honesty was the policy of the chest.
BOLD GIFT
Donald Trump reportedly told House Republicans last week that Nancy Pelosi’s daughter revealed to him that “if things were different, Nancy and I would be perfect together.”
Christine, the former House Speaker’s eldest daughter, responded: “Speaking for all four of Pelosi’s daughters, this is a LIE.”
Hi Christine, Your mom seems so corrupt that even Trump wants a piece of it.
