A bride has admitted she felt ‘guilty’ after kicking her own sister out of her wedding for turning up in the wrong colour dress.
The anonymous 26-year-old took to Reddit’s popular r/AmITheA**hole forum to weigh in on the situation so readers could judge whether she was in the wrong or not.
“What? What the hell did you do to my sister for not following the color scheme?” was the title of the post.
She went on to explain that her parents had adopted a little sister, named Jen, when she was nine and Jen was seven.
A 26-year-old woman took to Reddit to ask if she was wrong to kick her little sister out of her wedding for deliberately violating the dress code.
While the woman had asked all her guests to wear yellow, her favourite colour, the little sister claimed that yellow did not suit her and showed up in purple instead (file image)
Due to the severe trauma and neglect Jen had experienced in her early childhood, she had a hard time adjusting.
But her adoptive parents apparently overcompensated for her situation and began taking steps to always allow her to get her way, even in matters involving OP (the original author).
“Jen was skinny and scared of being neglected,” OP wrote.
We did everything we could to make her feel loved. We bought her lots of toys. Everything Jen wanted, she got.
“When my parents asked me to move into the smaller bedroom so Jen could have my own room, I was happy to oblige. When they asked if I could let Jen pick out the decorations and cake for my upcoming birthday, I agreed.
“I felt very happy to have a sister and I understood why my parents gave her special treatment,” the woman continued.
“But the treatment didn’t stop. For years, on every trip we took, we had to do what Jen wanted. We had to eat where she wanted to eat. And she got to plan all my birthday parties,” OP described in disbelief.
“If I didn’t get what I wanted, I would throw a tantrum. My parents still made me feel loved and cared for – they would take me to training, buy me things, cook for me, spend quality time with me and give me advice – but I always came second to Jen.”
From thousands of comments, the consensus was that the woman was not the twat, or NTA for short, and many agreed that the dress code was fair.
When she was old enough, Jen distanced herself from her family by moving across the country to attend college and work to become financially independent as quickly as possible.
She eventually got engaged, and she and her fiancé, whose pseudonym is Kip, came up with a very light color scheme for their wedding, which she wanted to be “perfect.”
Her favorite color was yellow and his was blue, so they decided that all their guests should wear yellow and his should wear blue, and all their mutual friends should wear green.
However, Jen was quick to question the dress code, claiming that yellow was not her color.
“When Jen found out about this, she was angry,” OP wrote.
“I didn’t know this, but she hates yellow and it would ‘turn her out’. She told me that under no circumstances would she wear that colour. I shrugged and told her it was no problem, I would kick her out of the house if she didn’t wear it.”
OP added that all of her guests were informed that they did not have to wear head-to-toe yellow, blue or green.
In other words, simply showing up with a yellow, blue, or green accent (i.e. a piece of jewelry or a tie) with a neutral-toned outfit would have also aligned with your desired dress code.
Still, when the wedding day came, Jen skipped the line and showed up dressed in purple.
‘There was no further discussion, but on my wedding day Jen arrived in a purple dress. I told her to leave immediately. The colour combination was perfect and she ruined it. Jen refused to leave until I threatened to call security.’
The rest of the wedding went off “without a hitch,” OP described.
But after the event, she discovered that her parents were “furious” with her for kicking Jen out because of the colour of her dress.
‘I told them I warned her she would be kicked out if she didn’t follow the color scheme, but they said everyone thought it was a joke.
‘They said it was cruel of me to kick my sister out for something so trivial.
‘I told them this was MY wedding, which I organized without their support, so I can kick out whoever I want.
‘Kip came running to my defense and even told my parents they should be ashamed of themselves for how they treated me, but over the past few days, many of the people I’ve spoken to (grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends) have had mixed opinions.
“Some say they wouldn’t have even invited Jen if it were me, while others think I should have just let it slide. AITA?” the woman concluded, using the abbreviation AITA for the question: “Am I the idiot?”
In a later update, OP explained that the fallout from the wedding had actually helped prompt an honest conversation with her parents about how she had felt abandoned in contrast to how they had treated Jen growing up.
“At that point I told them how my upbringing had influenced me and how my wedding was supposed to make up for the parties I never had as a child and the decisions I never made. For the first time, I was able to make all the decisions and have everything go exactly the way I wanted it,” OP described.
‘My parents said they had no idea how deeply the treatment I received had affected me. Fair enough because I never spoke to them about it, but at the same time I feel like they should have wondered why I left home as soon as I could, never came back, and hardly ever texted or called them.
“They said they were really sorry and are now planning a vacation with them, me and Kip for next summer to make up for it. I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but at least it seems like they’re making an effort now,” she continued.
At the same time, Jen had struggled even more than OP had realized, while, now in her younger years, the loving way she had been raised seemed to be hurting her more than ever.
Apparently, Jen had failed to make friends throughout middle school and high school, but was “uncooperative” when it came to therapy.
“College was a slap in the face for her when she realized that the world didn’t revolve around her: she had to live in the same 7-by-9-foot room with plaster walls and linoleum floors as everyone else,” OP described.
‘She dropped out of school after a year and tried to get a job, but was fired after a few months. At that point, my parents realized they had really screwed up. They told Jen she had to go into intensive care or she would be kicked out.
“According to my parents, he is now taking classes at a community college and hopes to transfer to a four-year institution. Overall he is doing better, although he does get upset from time to time,” she said.
OP concluded about her situation: ‘I’m open to having a closer relationship with them, but I don’t think we’ll ever be a close-knit family. Some wounds are too deep. But instead of dwelling on the past, I’m looking toward my future: starting a family with Kip and making sure I don’t make the same mistakes my parents made.’
The Reddit post garnered over 1,500 comments, with most agreeing that OP was not the asshole (NTA).
As one reasoned: ‘NTA. The question here isn’t whether a colour scheme is stupid or not. It might as well be, but it’s also becoming the norm. And frankly, if you don’t like it, you don’t have to attend the event.’
“But what you can’t do is say a color scheme is stupid, so I’m going to make up my own rules and force the couple getting married to let me in. Jen was stupid here. OP, you did the right thing by kicking her out.
“Her feelings that she can dictate the rules for your wedding are no worse than you having those rules set. Bottom line, screw Jen, she got what she wanted in the end,” he stated conclusively.
A second offered: ‘NTA. I’ve been to weddings where the bride and groom wanted a colour scheme.
‘I have yet to hear of anyone who has had such a big problem that they have turned up in a different color out of spite. Because make no mistake, that is exactly why your sister turned up in purple, out of pure spite.
‘If yellow was really the problem, she could have asked to wear blue. Instead, she showed up in purple with the express intention of upstaging the bride and groom and causing a scene, knowing all the while that her parents would back her up.
“Your parents have been shitty to you ever since your sister came along. It’s time to call them and your sister out on their disgusting behavior and blatant favoritism,” she reasoned.
As a third person succinctly put it: “NTA. I think the backstory is relevant here. She was finally able to decide how to organize something and was in charge. She made it clear that she wanted her sister to wear a yellow dress.”
A fourth explained it this way: “I’m not a fan of overly themed weddings with ‘what to wear’ instructions, but then again I’ve heard a lot worse. There are eighty billion shades of yellow and blue, so it’s not a big deal. And really, if someone had a serious objection, they could just politely walk away.
That being said, what your sister did was an obvious attempt to upstage you, just as she always has,” the third commenter concluded.
“You don’t deserve this because you stood up for yourself. But, if you really intend to continue to maintain a relationship with her, be very clear about your boundaries with her and with your parents. She could continue to cause problems, especially now that she knows you will stand up for her,” the fourth commenter concluded.
After polling the numerous responses, OP responded expressing her appreciation for the input, writing, “I’ve been feeling really guilty these past few days and was worried that would carry over into my honeymoon, but you’ve helped me realize that I’m not the bad guy and that it’s okay that I responded the way I did.”
(tags to translate)dailymail
