A bride-to-be has sparked a fierce family feud after refusing to let her stepfather walk her down the aisle at her upcoming wedding.
“What? You’re not okay with my stepdad ‘giving me away’ during my wedding?” the 27-year-old wrote on Reddit’s popular r/AmItheA**hole forum.
She explained that she will be marrying her fiancé next year and that she and her family have been hard at work planning it.
But a major point of contention has emerged between her and her mother.
A 27-year-old bride took to Reddit for advice after confronting her mother about whether her stepfather can be part of the wedding party and walk her down the aisle.
The woman noted that her stepfather, while a “great guy,” was never technically a father figure to her growing up, as he only married her mother when she was already 22 (file image)
Her mother desperately wants her daughter to agree to let her stepfather, named Phil, walk her down the aisle.
The woman’s real father has never appeared, as her parents are “forever divorced.”
Although she considers Phil to be a “great guy,” Phil and her mother didn’t marry until she was already a young adult, so technically he wasn’t even her stepfather until she was already 22.
“It was time for her to find someone and I was glad she was no longer alone,” she wrote of her mother’s marriage to Phil.
“However, I made it very clear to her that while I would love and respect him as her husband, he would never be my father. Rather, he would be a relative. To which she and he responded that they understood,” she clarified.
Last year, when she broke the news to her mother that she was engaged, she reiterated that she did not want Phil to take on the role of father figure at her wedding.
“He can sit with the family etc. but he can’t do my father’s duties. She wasn’t too happy about that but that was it,” the woman continued.
But now, the mother has decided to press the issue, now arguing that it is part of their “culture” that both she and Phil “give her away.”
Across dozens of responses, the vast majority of comments agreed that the woman is NTA, short for ‘Not The A**hole’.
The woman later explained: “In my culture, both the mother and father of the bride are the ones to give her away. I told my mother that I want her to be the only one to do it. I don’t want my father as he has never been a part of my life and I don’t want Phil because I don’t see him as my father.”
To this, the mother argued: “Phil will give me away as his husband, not as his father,” but that rationalization “still doesn’t convince her.”
The woman’s biological father was invited to the wedding, but only as a “courtesy” guest, he later said.
Still, the mother insisted that “it would be very insulting to Phil if he didn’t get the respect he deserves” in the context of her stepdaughter’s wedding.
“She went on to say that she doesn’t accept their relationship, that I’m ruining her life because this will cause tension in her relationship with Phil, etc.,” the woman explained.
The woman and her mother then began to fight fully, and the mother even suggested that the couple get married at the Town Hall to “avoid all this”, an idea which, of course, the daughter rejected.
The mother then said that maybe it would be better if Phil didn’t go to the wedding, and the woman told her mother that “it’s his decision.”
“I would like him to be there, but that depends on her,” she added.
‘We ended the call on bad terms and haven’t spoken since. It’s been several days now.
‘I’m very attached to my mother as she’s done so much for me as a single parent and I don’t want to hurt her. At the same time, I don’t think it’s fair for her to continue to expect all this from me. Although I respect Phil, I don’t want him to be involved in my wedding as if he were a father.’
With that, the woman asked ‘AITA’, short for ‘Am I an idiot?’
After the post garnered dozens of responses, the vast majority of commenters agreed that the woman was NTA (short for Not The A**hole).
One wrote: ‘NTA. I find it very odd that your mother doesn’t see the sensitivities around this. Have you spoken to Phil about this directly? It sounds like your mother might be the only one who has a problem with this, perhaps because she feels it devalues her marriage in some way. Maybe he can help work this out with your mother.’
A second chimed in: Don’t worry. Your mother and possibly Phil (if he agrees with your mother) are being ridiculous. You were an adult when your mother married Phil, so you never saw him as a father figure. Something you made clear to both of them from the beginning of your relationship.
“Phil has been in your life for five years, during which time you were an adult. He deserves nothing more than to be acknowledged and respected as your mother’s husband, which is what you are doing. Your mother telling you to get married at City Hall if you don’t have Phil walking you down the aisle is complete nonsense. You have done nothing wrong here,” they argued.
As a third party succinctly put it: NTA, he is not your father. He is not a father figure. Why would he give you up?
A fourth echoed: “It’s a completely bizarre situation for her to die in. Why don’t you hold off on talking to her about the wedding details for a couple of weeks, claiming you’ll make all the decisions as her only option is the council? She’ll relent, after a few more tantrums. Don’t worry.”
And as a fifth summed up: “You were already an adult when Phil came into your life. His demands are silly and unreasonable. Don’t worry about it.”
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